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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

A bit disappointed and worried

107 replies

GinTonic32 · 02/12/2019 11:59

I had started dating someone since April.

We had intense chemistry, including sexual which he admitted as well.

The problem was/is, that since April I have seen him just a handful of times (7 times).

We have discussed this matter and he has said to me he is a busy guy.

It has happened that he has cancelled even last min.

This guy is a single dad with 50% custody and i understand the busy schedule. I myself dont have kids. I just didnt expect and to be honest didnt believe this is a solid reason for not meeting often.

He also just once has invited me to his house but i couldnt go. He has told me that temporarily lives with his parents, as he bought a new house and he is doing work in it. This has been going on for months and he is not moving in. The whole situ seemed and still seems dodgy.

I met him online and I tried to make it clear from the beginning that i am not involved with attached guys. That was in April. He told me he is over his situation and that they don't talk apart from matters concerning the kid.

Last time we met was end Oct, where we had a talk about him being busy and he explained to me the exact reasons why he does not have time for a gf. We did have sex. Also he did act jealous as we had three weeks to talk up until to that point and was asking me if i did anything with others. I said no and even he commented to my phone notifications "Oh someone wants your company" I said jokingly "ye im popular" and he said "ye I bet you are".

When he left my house we kissed and to meet for drinks soon.

He didnt reach out to me since then....

I am wondering if he was just looking for a distraction or he is really over with his ex. I did some digging on her instagram and she seemed to had posted that she is single and that she is doing her.

2 days after we met, I saw that he was with his kid but she was also in the same place with also her kids from another relationship, but not interacting all together. Just hin . with his kid.

I really dunno whats going on, I always had at the back of my mind that something might be going on... I even went to psychics....

OP posts:

Report

HollowTalk · 02/12/2019 12:03

Why are you paying a psychic? You've only met him seven times - he sees you occasionally and you have sex. I'm really sorry but either he's with someone else or he's playing around. If he was interested, he would see you more often.

And on top of that he's jealous? Ffs.

BercowsFestiveFlamingo · 02/12/2019 12:03

He's not interested, sorry.

Trinkts · 02/12/2019 12:05

You are just a FWB and he is stringing you along. 🤷🏼‍♀️

TheOriginalNutty · 02/12/2019 12:06

He's just after the sex. Time to give up on him i'm afraid.

GinTonic32 · 02/12/2019 12:09

yes quite jealous.

I did go to psychics to find out whats going on. I know its silly, but really this situation got me question a lot of things.

Is there a possibility that he might go back and forth with his ex really

OP posts:

littleduckeggblue · 02/12/2019 12:10

Seeing someone 7 times in 32 weeks...sounds like FWB

GinTonic32 · 02/12/2019 12:12

ye but what he told me was he is looking for a relationship and then he threw the im busy etc.

Acts jealous and snoops in my dating profile...

After last time we met no contact....

I think he might be totally lying really is the only thing i can think of

OP posts:

Pancakeflipper · 02/12/2019 12:13

How near to each other do you live? If he is doing up a house and with his child then he's not going to have much free time. But it could all be bullshit.

I would wave him bye and find someone whom has time for you. Its not making you happy.

Busybeebeebee · 02/12/2019 12:14

Are you serious?!

If he can’t be arsed with arrangements to see you now imagine how bad it would be further down the line.

In my single days I had a similar arrangement with a chef, he talked of a relationship but in reality it was just a shag and a chat every few months. That suited me at the time but if you want to be more than that then get the hell out of the situation!

I would end things with him, just tell him you don’t want this arrangement, wish him the best and move on.

LizzieMacQueen · 02/12/2019 12:16

So what did the psychic say?

PixieDustt · 02/12/2019 12:16

I think you're the OW.

AnyFucker · 02/12/2019 12:16

What did the psychic say ?

Go with that.

Really, don't. Go with his behaviour which is indicative of "he's not that into you".

GinTonic32 · 02/12/2019 12:17

The irony is that we live pretty close to each other....

Logically i think he is really dodgy.

However i contacted some very good psychics to shed light to the situation . and they explained me the reasons why he is like this and they said this has nothing to do with another woman.....

Of course all of this could be bs 100%

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 02/12/2019 12:18

How many psychics have you seen ? And what did they blame his dodgy behaviour on ?

I'd be asking for a refund.

OrangeZog · 02/12/2019 12:19

I also think you are the OW or one of them. This isn’t a relationship that is going anywhere.

mistydayswampwitch · 02/12/2019 12:19

It is bs.
You're not seeing this man. You have no romantic relationship. You've seen him 7 times in 8 months. That's not even 1 date a month. You are friends with benefits, occasionally.

For your own self respect please walk away from this situation.

dontalltalkatonce · 02/12/2019 12:21

FFS. You don't need a psychic to see you're either a fuck buddy or the OW. There you go, I am psychic, send me some money . No one is this deluded?

GinTonic32 · 02/12/2019 12:21

Well i contacted 2 from trusted psychics, who i have seen in forums that they have really high success rates in predictions, Charlie and Sadie

They said that this guy is deeply scarred by his previous relationship and on top of that he is not happy with his life and he is actually trying to make changes. They also told me he has insecurities towards me and he is thinking a lot about the situation between us. ...

I honestly feel disappointed

OP posts:

AlexaAmbidextra · 02/12/2019 12:26

OP. Cross my palm with silver and I’ll tell you that you are a casual shag when he feels like it. He’s probably still with his regular woman. Stop wasting your time, money and headspace.

GinTonic32 · 02/12/2019 12:27

thats what i thought about as well as this is the most logical explanation, that he is still with her ...

OP posts:

loserssaywhat · 02/12/2019 12:33

This is bonkers. He's literally told you he doesn't want a gf and why but you're going to psychics to find out why? After he told you?
The reason he gets jealous isn't because he's really into you he's just territorial and he wants you to be available to him at a moments notice.
He wants you to act like a gf while he does what he likes and tells you he's busy.
Cut it lose.

loserssaywhat · 02/12/2019 12:34

Oh god is this one of those weird ads for psychics?

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GinTonic32 · 02/12/2019 12:35

He explained to me the reasons why he doesn't have time for a gf, but he wanted to go for drinks as he said... And no contact after that...

But in the beginning he said he is looking for a relationship...

On top of that he acts like this...

Its a bit of a crazy situation here, i dont know what to think.

OP posts:

GinTonic32 · 02/12/2019 12:38

this was in a general context, that he is busy, although how much of this is true and the reality of this, i cant know.

It did look really dodgy as time went on tho, i must admit

OP posts:

loserssaywhat · 02/12/2019 12:44

I honestly don't think it's crazy at all. I see no ambiguity in this.
You're making it way more complicated than it is.
You don't need a pin board with a million connecting threads to figure out what's going on.

Asking someone to go for a drink and then having sex is not the same as having a gf, making a commitment and all the other things that it entails.
I see 2 scenarios here 1: he was looking for a relationship and has now decided that that person is not you. He would still like to have a fwb situation because it suits him, all the benefits of a gf with none of the commitment.

2: he's strung you a line to reel you in from the start . He never wanted a relationship at all, he's throwing in little comments to make it seem like he's jealous to keep you on that line. If he was genuinely worried you'd meet someone else he'd be making an effort to see you more often and making it clear that he wants a relationship.

My advice is block him and stop wasting your money on charlatans.

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