Help - BF is having regular happy ending massages - is this cheating?

[Justalemon987]

Hi All,

Im hoping for some advice on this. My bf and I have had a great relationship so far (18 months) and are on track for marriage and babies. I'm in my 30s so feel time is ticking on.

However, today I found out he goes to a massage parlous where he gets a 'happy ending'. He doesn't know I know and I'm not sure how I feel about it and what if anything I should do. We've had past issues before with him messaging other girls at the start of our relationship so with this now included Im not sure if I should stay with him or move on.

Anyone been through something similar? Can the relationship move on from this? I don't want to start a family with someone if I dont think it will work out in the long term.....

[TeamSpirit]

He is cheating - dont waste your time..

[MrsGarethSouthgate]

Yes it's cheating. From here, it's a small step (If not already there) to using prostitutes.

Sorry

I would cut and run, though I know it's not always that simple when you are in it yourself.

[Unicornandbows]

So your bf receives hand or blow jobs and you are asking whether that's cheating?

You need to dump this guy sorry

[SinglePringle]

Your boyfriend uses prostitutes. He thinks women are available to him at a price.

Do you really want to be with a man who sees women as a commodity?

[Oddcat]

Do you think it's cheating ?

[woodywoo2]

Is this a serious question??

[Snappedandfarted2018]

Your still young this relationship isn’t even two years old he’s having bj and hand jobs from sex workers and messaged women i don’t think there’s much to salvage get out befor you get married and have kids

[IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan]

he goes to a massage parlous where he gets a 'happy ending'.

(Which he is lying to you about)

We've had past issues before with him messaging other girls

Im not sure if I should stay with him or move on.

I feel very sad for you that no-one took the time to show you what self respect, and relationship standards look like.

I don't want to start a family with someone if I dont think it will work out in the long term.

Do you want to start a family with someone who cheats and lies?

[Pebblesandfriends]

Of course he's cheating! Just because they wouldn't give him the time of day unless he was paying them doesn't make it ok. You deserve so much better.

[DemocracyDiesInDarkness]

What the actual...of course it cheating. Not to mention disgusting, despicable and immoral.

Don't waste your 30s on this loser!!

[Beesandfrogsandfleas]

Good grief. What happened to you to make you think this is acceptable in a monogomaous relationship?

[TheEmmaDilemma]

Sorry you're asking if your boyfriend getting wanked off by another woman is cheating? Seriously?

[sue51]

Its cheating. End it now.

[Haireverywhere]

I am sad for you that you don't have a strong sense of your own boundaries and that our opinion on what counts as cheating in a monogamous relationship matters. You deserve so much better than this.

He's seeking sexual gratification outside of your relationship, in secret.

Dump him.

[TheHodgeoftheHedge]

Fuck me. Yes. It’s cheating.
He’s paying for sexual pleasure with someone else.

[SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst]

Is this a serious question??

I'll be honest, I'm struggling to believe that someone joined MN today specifically to ask if she should stay with/start a family with a partner of 18 months who has a history of texting other women and is open about regularly visiting prostitutes.

"Is this cheating?" No one is that dense, love.

[CottonTailRabbit]

Yes it is cheating.

He is a sleaze.

Why do you even want to be with him?

Dump immediately.

[ClosdesMouches]

[Justalemon987]

First of all - I'm not dense and yes I am genuinely asking for some insight because I'm completely torn over what to do.

I know that if I was advising anyone else I would be saying the exact same things.

Whats stopping me from just walking away however, is due to other factors such as his amazing support while my father has been fighting cancer, how well we get on and apart from these issues, genuinely connect. Everyone in my life has commented on how happier I am (despite the cancer fight) and settled I am with him. When I am with him, he is extremely loving and attentive. I know this might not tip the scales, but I cant help but wonder how many men in committed relationships do the exact same thing.

From researching the place he goes - it seems its just hand jobs, but I could be completely wrong.

I'm sorry if you all think I'm an absolute muppet, I just wanted some outside perspective.

[MyYoniFromHull]

My boyfriend has a McDonalds Quarter Pounder every night. Am I right in thinking he's not really vegetarian?

Sweet baby cheesus.

[MyYoniFromHull]

Would you mind if he was getting a random woman from the pub to toss him off?

Does it not count because he is paying ?

[ClosdesMouches]

Yoni

[ClosdesMouches]

Cross post. my was in response to Yoni's Quarter Pounder post, not the above.

[SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst]

yes I am genuinely asking for some insight because I'm completely torn over what to do

You're 'completely torn' over what to do about a short-lived relationship with a man who messages other women and openly visits prostitutes?

[sue51]

You asked how many men in committed relationships do the same thing. The answer is none that I am aware of.