I'm so low and I'm struggling to keep myself together

[LittleBrokenheartedMe]

I've probably not posted this in the right topic but I feel like everything is falling apart around me! I suffered with PND quite severely after DC2 who is now 4. I feel like I'm falling down the same path. DC3 is 7months old and I'm already on medication for PND and I've managed to hold on until now.
DP and I are no longer together and he has someone new (that's a whole other story in itself) I did get on with his GF but after him telling me on many occasions he was going to leave her as he doesn't want to be with her and yet his actions are going against what he's telling me. It's really messed my head up. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect him to leave her and get back with me. But I love him a lot and I've held myself together over this new relationship until I snapped at her and told he that he'd been messing her around and showed messages to prove it. I always had a 'fake' vibe from her even though we got along but who wants to have a relationship with their DPs ex, lets me honest?
Understandably so she no longer wants to know me now and they're still kind of cracking on with things. I need to find myself again. My head is well and truly fucked and I'm on the waiting list for counselling. I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm trying to busy myself as much as I can but the hurt is just there. It won't go away. Why can't I stop loving him? I feel so angry with myself for feeling this way!! Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut! What do I do? I don't know where to go from here?

[eightfacesofthemoon]

Why does this man have so much dh control of your life when you’re not even with him.
I take it he left you when pregnant
After suffering from pnd? Aren’t you angry???

[Olikingcharles]

Oh op i feel your pain i too love someone who doesn't love me. I wish i could stop loving him i really do....the pain is always there. I try to keep busy but it's not easy to stop thinking. One day at a time is how i'm dealing with it. Trying not to contact him is awful as want to so much but being ignored hurts even more. Be kind to yourself and your children. Hugs to you.

[Greenyogagirl]

Heartbreak is awful, take it one minute/hour/day at a time and one day it won’t be so bad I promise x

[eve34]

I know how you feel and with such a young baby too. You must feel all over the place.
I know how hard this is but it is time to draw a line. He isn't the person you knew.
Get people around you. Lean on friend. Health visitor and your doctor.
Time to set some boundaries. Contact with the children at set times/days. Maintenance to be agreed and paid. And get his stuff out.
Move things around at home. Buy new sheets or paint a wall. Any little changes to make it feel different.
Contact now is about the kids and money only. Nothing else. It hurts. But show him you are done.
I do truly know how hard this is. I didn't do this and paid the price emotionally and financially.
Lean on people around you. Not him or his girlfriend. They are not part of your circle. It does get easier. But it takes guts and time. Be kind to yourself. Remember to eat and take each day as it comes.

[category12]

I think it'd be helpful if you reduced contact with him and his girlfriend, and stop engaging with them. All you need is for him to do his part for the dc, so just establish a routine for access and child support payments, and don't get involved with conversations outside of that. Create distance and just keep it about the dc.

I'm sorry you're feeling so low.

[LittleBrokenheartedMe]

Thank you for the support. Sometimes I feel angry but most days I just feel sad. No one deserves to go to bed each night wondering why they're just not good enough. Just such a horrible predicament to be in. I can't fault him as a dad though. He's good with all DC. I'm going to refer to counselling. I think it's needed

[eightfacesofthemoon]

It’s nothing to do with not being good enough. get that straight
Counselling is a good idea.
Again I agree you really need to limit your contact with him to the bare minimum