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What women want (nod to Peter)...

(25 Posts)
Fanciedachange17 Wed 12-Apr-17 20:59:26

As a gal who has been about and married twice and has friends who feel the same way, let me tell all you men out there how to succeed and keep your woman happy. I speak from many years of experience and therapy. This is true for 90/95% of all women and I want you men to know these secrets so the world will be a better place.

1) Sex. Yes men, we want it when we are in the mood, when we feel loved, respected, or just in the mood because we are. No, we don't need to chalk it up on the kitchen notice board or make new years resolutions to "bang" every day. If you annoy us or are consistently unhelpful, rude or ignorant then guess what? We'd rather watch a chick flick or go on facebook.

2) Housework. God did not make girl babies appear with a duster in one fist and the other attached to a hoover. These skills were passed on to us by well meaning adults who are just beginning to realise that having a penis does not mean it will drop off should it's owner learn how to clean and take responsibility for cleaning and other generally boring but necessary tasks to live in health and harmony. Putting the bin out or using a screwdriver does not give anyone a free pass from the mundane stuff.
3) Grooming. Once you pass the naturally toned and phwarr stage of your twenties, stop letting it all hang out and get thyself to a gym and tone up the slack. Don't walk around like a white legged builder thinking you are equal to the likes of Depp/Clooney/Firth/Jackson and co. Do not under any circumstance attempt growing hair and sweeping it over any balding bits. Believe me when I tell you women do not like this.
4) Do not let your woman find floating poo debris in the loo or in your pants. Clean up after yourself. Do not leave your razor where your woman may see it or she may take revenge and use it on bits of herself that you may prefer not to think about.
5) Do not think any occasional bunch of wilting flowers from a garage on her birthday/ anniversary/ when you have been texting/ lusting after a new shiny ow is acceptable. Accept your woman may not see this is good enough.
6) Keep your penis clean, healthy and loyal at all times even if it means smacking it whenever it gets ideas above it's station and starts waving over something or someone else who is not you woman. Should penis win out over brain do the decent thing and leave your woman with her dignity and self respect intact.

Dear Peter and men, I speak to you all and there is plenty more to add but if you really want to be good enough for your woman and I believe there are lots of you who do, then read this thread.

scoobydoo1971 Wed 12-Apr-17 21:10:28

What women want...not Peter.

DrMorbius Wed 12-Apr-17 22:16:41

Keep your penis clean, healthy and loyal at all times even if it means smacking it whenever it gets ideas above it's station

grin MN quote of the year.

ItsNachoCheese Wed 12-Apr-17 22:19:50

I second the mn quote of the year vote for point 6 ๐Ÿ˜‚

Shedmicehugh Wed 12-Apr-17 22:21:51

Luuurve it!

TeenageCentaurMortificado Wed 12-Apr-17 22:25:10

Can we have a ceremony for quote of the year? ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿฅ‡

debbs77 Wed 12-Apr-17 22:27:31

Pure genius!

ItsNachoCheese Wed 12-Apr-17 22:30:10

Point 6 alone should go in classics grin

nonameinspiration Wed 12-Apr-17 22:40:57

Cries with laughter. 6 omfg!!!

imablackstarnotapopstar Thu 13-Apr-17 00:21:23

Yes men (& Peter) - while you're at it, stop any unmanlylike habits like giggling, shaving all your pubes off to make your willy look bigger or doing cross stitch!

laughwithmeleelee Thu 13-Apr-17 04:27:10

This has got to be the funniest comeback I have read.....OP I salute your post! AMAZING grin

Graphista Thu 13-Apr-17 04:53:23

Excellent!

My ex's penis would have benefitted from a few smack downs grin

DadWasHere Thu 13-Apr-17 07:01:04

Sex. Yes men, we want it when we are in the mood, when we feel loved, respected, or just in the mood because we are.

Certainly, except a great many women have a sexuality of the type they expect their man to realise they want him to initiate sex, rather than initiate it themselves. Of the remainder, women who are CERTAIN they initiate... they often do so in a manner that poor common men (who think in terms of initiating sex as cupping a womans breast and squeezing it repeatedly as they would a rubber duck) require Druidic powers and the time to disembowel a goat to read its entrails, in order to divine the signs and portents of sexual initiation the woman is signalling.

LookAtTheFlowersKerry Thu 13-Apr-17 07:11:46

Dadwashere, eh? You wot m8?

SassynSane Thu 13-Apr-17 08:06:10

Oh look, he's baaaaack! Morning Petey wink

Point 6 quote of the decade!!

<Coffee on the go and might stretch to pancakes if anyone wants to partake>

pallasathena Thu 13-Apr-17 11:15:07

Nahhhh, what women want is world domination, proper in your face world domination where we get to stop the wars and the trafficking and the cruelty and the poverty and the homelessness and the hopelessness and the sexism and the exploitation and the sheer misery that shapes so many peoples lives.
Mostly women's lives too if you look at the stats..

Toadinthehole Thu 13-Apr-17 11:21:17

Dear Peter and men, I speak to you all and there is plenty more to add but if you really want to be good enough for your woman and I believe there are lots of you who do, then read this thread.

Jolly good.

I'll be right back after I've gone for a piss and left the seat up.

user1490465531 Thu 13-Apr-17 11:43:46

we also want sex with someone that keeps toned and takes care of there body.
beer guts and flabby guts have never been attractive.

ShatnersWig Thu 13-Apr-17 11:49:47

Is this necessary? Isn't this just feeding the troll of Peter?

He'll only come back with "well if you expect men to keep toned and not have flabby guys, you women likewise need to ensure you have no saggy boobs or bellies after having kids"

peanut2017 Thu 13-Apr-17 12:33:42

Love it! Genius post

CopperRose Thu 13-Apr-17 12:37:00

6) Keep your penis clean, healthy and loyal at all times even if it means smacking it whenever it gets ideas above it's station and starts waving over something or someone else who is not you woman. Should penis win out over brain do the decent thing and leave your woman with her dignity and self respect intact.

Amen to that sister!
โœ‹ ๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿป ๐Ÿ‘

CopperRose Thu 13-Apr-17 12:38:44

Also:

*What women want...not Peter
*
YY grin

Fanciedachange17 Thu 13-Apr-17 18:07:26

dadwashere How would you like us to signal our readiness for sex then? This is where the use of too much porn has caused problems. We don't strut into the room wearing little else than suspenders and a thumb stuck in our mouths coyly batting our eye lids at you.

Well not all the time anyway.

On a serious note, this is an old get out of jail card rapists try,
"M'lord Judge I couldn't read her signals I thought she wanted it. She didn't say no.

Fanciedachange17 Thu 13-Apr-17 18:15:47

"Shatnerswig" the trouble is in ignoring Peter, whether he is a troll or not, is that there really are men who think like this and women who are innocent enough to believe it. I consider it my sisterly duty to stand up and say there are other options to any poor souls stuck with bullying fools. For me, making fun of him is part of empowering women and girls and loving it when men join in with the sisterly solidarity proving that Peter and all Peterites are arses.

Am also thinking of producing a line of merchandise with the proud logo of Penis Smacker. What do you think to a line in small fly swats and Tshirts saying *Penis smackers unite"? wink

Mamia15 Thu 13-Apr-17 20:33:40

Shatnees - at least we have pregnancy to blame if we're not as toned - men have no excuse at all๐Ÿ™„.

Love that quote too wink

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