I have been with my husband for 10 years, married for 5. We got together when I was 20 (I met him when I was 17), he is 8 years older than me.
I remember after the 'honeymoon phase' about 6 months in being completely shocked by his behaviour and crying pretty much every day and the stuff he would say to me. The first time I remember it happening was when he was getting ready for a job interview. I came over to him and asked if there was anything I could do to help and he said, "Just fuck off for a while so I can get prepared." No-one I had cared about had ever spoken to me like that. I was so shocked, but I put it down to nerves. I went up to him about 10 minutes later and said, "Are you OK?" and he said "JUST FUCK OFF ALRIGHT!?". Probably should have seen the red flags waving wildly in the wind, but I didn't.....
Our relationship continued with him being totally controlling and verbally and emotional horrible. I spent my whole 20s not seeing my friends. He got me fired from the job that I loved because he called me all day and emailed me constantly and made me leave work early one day (He said if I didn't leave he would turn up at my office and scream at me infront of everyone). ... Which he had done before at my previous job..... SO I left, they went through my emails, saw him emailing me 60 times a day and fired me.
Things settled down a little bit, but he used to push and shove me when we were fighting, punched me in the face once, bruised my arms from grabbing me so hard. I think I ended up just complying with every demand because I didn't want it to end in a fight.
Throughout my 20's I probably went out once every 4 months and had to be home by 10.30pm. The few times that I did stay out later he treated me like shit for about the next 3 months.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I am now 31 and have been with him this whole time. We have 3 beautiful children together, but I do everything for them and everything around the house. I am permanently exhausted and he has never done a night feed, never changed a nappy, sleeps in every weekend morning and doesn't ever do anything with the kids so I can take a break. I am done. I have 3 children, I don't need a giant man- baby making me get him up for work every morning, having all his work clothes ready for him, lunch made for him, dinner ready on the table when he gets home and then he sits on his laptop all evening whist I run around doing everything for the boys, (4,3, and 1). I put them to bed and then have an hours worth of cleaning before I can sit down and relax (and then I'm up 2/3 times a night to do night feeds).
Writing this I can pretty much see that he is abusive. He no longer hurts my physically but he calls me 'horrible wife / wench' infront of the boys. Calls me stupid. Refuses to let my mum see the boys or to help me in any way. Wont let me ask anyone for help with the boys. I still never see any friends, he drove a massive wedge between me and my 2 best friends....
So I know that I need to leave, but he is a dirty fighter and I'm so scared he is going to try and take the boys off me, try and use all our money fighting in court so I have nothing left, poison the boys with lies about me, quit his job so he doesn't have to pay child support....and the biggest one of all....kill me. One time we were fighting and he told me if I ever tried to take the kids from him he would kill me and my mother.
This is so long and if anyone has made it this far....what do I do and will it be better if I leave or will he just be 100 times worse?
Advice much appreciated.
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I think my husband is abusive. Advice needed please
108 replies
GiveMeVegemite · 12/04/2017 02:57
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