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Father hates his son

(15 Posts)
Storminateacup74 Tue 11-Apr-17 10:08:08

My DH and son hate each other. My son is autistic and he winds his dad him up until he flips. My son finds it hard to regulate his emotions and can have meltdowns over little things to us but big things to him. He has cottoned that a great way to get his dad's attention is to shout and scream even when not necessary. Dh has never been hands on and has always found the children a chore. We don't get on any more and lead separate lives but he will not move out as he likes his house too much. I keep telling him he is the adult so he should just ignore his behaviour and give me him positive attention but he refuses. They just shout and swear at each other. He has nothing nice to say about him evetything is deragatory and mean so my son retaliates by being mean back, One day when I am confident enough will up and leave with the kids but until that day what can i do to make living together bearable?.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret Tue 11-Apr-17 10:14:09

Upping and leaving is the only solution. You need to put your son's needs first as your H isn't going to.

category12 Tue 11-Apr-17 10:20:22

You need to move up 'one day' to 'right now'. Your child is being damaged.

Misstic Tue 11-Apr-17 10:30:48

Hi, how old is your son? What about a mediator or counselling for your DH and son?

Misstic Tue 11-Apr-17 10:31:46

How old is your son? Is mediation or counselling an option for your DH and son?

notapizzaeater Tue 11-Apr-17 10:31:49

Your poor child, you need to move away

Storminateacup74 Tue 11-Apr-17 12:03:20

Son is almost 12. So not easy to leave as have 2 other children and no family near by😥

twisterinyogapants Tue 11-Apr-17 17:40:24

Can you ask your husband to leave?

Mrsmull2017 Tue 11-Apr-17 17:42:29

Just because your dh hasn't physically hurt your ds doesn't mean it isn't still abuse.

Storminateacup74 Tue 11-Apr-17 17:45:58

He won't leave. He has put alot of money into house refurbishments. He doesnt see why he should be pushed out of his house because of our unruly son. He finds all of the kids hard work bit the others show him more affection and know when to stop as they still misbehave around himto get attention but mo where near as much as ASD Son.

LellyMcKelly Tue 11-Apr-17 17:46:31

Your son is being abused here. Your son might struggle to regulate his emotions, but your DH should not be, and should not regularly be wilfully getting your child upset to the point of distress. That must be a horrible environment in which to raise him. You really need to take your DH to task over this. He really should know better.

Msqueen33 Tue 11-Apr-17 17:46:33

What an utter arsehole! I have two children with autism and my dh isn't as hands on as I'd like but if he behaved like this I'd be fuming. Could you find somewhere nearer family?

Splodgywoo Tue 11-Apr-17 17:46:40

I was in exactly your shoes. If you do nothing you will sleepwalk into a whole new level of hell over time. Move now while the damage is relatively easier to mend. I speak from hard-learnt experience.

highinthesky Tue 11-Apr-17 17:50:13

Does DS get any SEN support?

DH doesn't listen to you, but he may listen to a third party. See if you can access some professional support for yourselves as parents, particularly on how to handle DS.

If he still can't or won't moderate his behaviour you'll have to think again.

Birdsbeesandtrees Tue 11-Apr-17 17:50:43

What a disgusting man. I always think nothing more can surprise me on here then I read things like this.

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