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Voluntary disclosure

(3 Posts)
Iamgettingout Fri 21-Oct-16 13:27:48

Not sure if I am posting this in the right place but have had a lot of support on Relationships in the past so thought I'd try here.

I am separated from my EA and financially abusive stbxh. The papers for the decree nisi have gone to court and we are now engaging in voluntary disclosure. My solicitor does not recommend mediation while his is pushing for it. To date I have made no mention to him that I believe he is abusive, as far as he is concerned he has done no wrong throughout our marriage, the fault is all my mine and my unrealistic expectations!

We exchanged Form Es a few days ago and I am now going through his. His outgoings are twice mine despite me still being in the family home with two of the children and supporting a third at university. He has stated that he wants me to remain in the family home until our youngest is 18 and then the proceeds split 50:50. Despite this he has made no allowances in his future outgoings for the maintenance of the house.
Ever since we had the children he has kept approximately two thirds of his salary for his own purposes and even now has far more disposable income than I have.

What I want to know from anyone who has experience divorce is will the disparity in the division of income/disposable income be picked up by the solicitors? Or am I going to have to point out the inequality and financial abuse that has taken place and risk his wrath and him further reducing payments for the children/house before everything is sorted legally?

ImperialBlether Fri 21-Oct-16 13:31:41

First of all you should have the house until the last child finishes university. Just because they're at university it doesn't mean they don't need a home to come back to. We agreed on child support until they finished university - some can arrange for that to be paid directly to the child, but I'd say it depends on the child - if they're just going to drink it, there's no point.

Iamgettingout Fri 21-Oct-16 15:40:00

Imperial, thank you for your comment.

I want a clean break. Living in and maintaining this house is just too much, he can't be persuaded to not come round, still has the majority of his post delivered here, for him having me and the children still here is so we can be under his control. I can't have a life because I never know when he will come round. I will arrive downstairs on a weekend morning and open the curtains to find him in the garden, not gardening, usually just sitting smoking or chatting to the neighbour as if he'd never left.

He lives in a one bed flat so can't have the children, won;t commit to regular times to see them, and frequently cancels because something better has come up.

He is also determined that I won't get more than 50% of the house proceeds as his view is that it all belongs to him. He is not concerned about the fact that if that happens I will still have, even when youngest reaches 18, three children to house because none of them will be able to afford to rent or buy in the area we live in for a very long time. He is concerned only with himself and his needs and he reckons that if we sell now he would get a maximum of 40% and therefore would not be able to buy himself the sort of place he would like to live in.

I started proceedings in March and because of his delaying tactics and attempts to control the process we have not yet resolved anything and I have racked up a fortune in solicitor's fees.

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