He wants me to quit work..

[MumOfOne14]

So my DH every week when it comes to me going to work has an absolute strop. I work 2 nights & its up to him to put our DS of 18months to bed. My DS does stir now & again, but he usually goes straight back down to sleep. I do absolutely everything else all week.. Every Bum change, baths, all meals, bedtimes(when I'm not working) & every night wake up, my DH won't do anything else, But the two nights he has him "he can't handle it" and is worried he'll lose his temper from tiredness. He's lost his temper with me in the past cos of booze & smashed a few doors in. So this is it, I'm backed into a conner of either going to work & leaving my DH miserable with what little he has to do or quit my job of 13 years. My DH only works 3 days a week too. I'm so bloody pissed off so AIBU??

[thedogstinks]

There are more options available to you, you know.

What's your financial/housing situation at the moment? Do you rent or own the house? In whose name is it? Do you have an alternative place live? Parents? What other support do you have? Any other children?

Perhaps post in relationships? You'll get good advice there.

[Absofrigginlootly]

He's a parent. He doesn't get to 'opt out'.

He needs to take an anger management course and stop being a twat

[FuriousFate]

Those are not your choices. Leave him, he sounds abusive.

[NaughtyRed82]

If he's only working 3 days a week himself then why isn't he helping out the rest of the time and doing more for your child?! Does he hunk it's just your job to raise him and that he's doing you a favour by looking after him when you go to work
Sounds like he needs to man up and realise what a hard job you have doing anything and that just settling him back to sleep now and then for a couple of nights is easy compared with what you normally have to do on your own when he's not bothering to help!

[Rainbowqueeen]

Don't quit
He needs to man up or move out

[TendonQueen]

I'd say he should stop moaning and pull his weight, but if he has a temper and gets violent, I think you and your DS would be better off away from him. I would be worried about leaving a small child with someone who thinks they may 'lose it'.

[Bogeyface]

A man who threatens you with the idea that he might hurt your child, after smashing up your home in his temper is a dangerous and abusive man.

Take option 3. Fucking leave ASAP.

[LaBelleOtero]

So he's basically threatening that if he loses his temper and does something, it will be your fault for - leaving him alone with his own child? I think you need to impress upon him that the child is his as much as yours. Don't do everything when he is home.

That said, he sounds like an utter cunt and I really think you and your DS would have much happier lives away from him...

[DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease]

How do you think your relationship is going? Do you want people to remind you what you are worth, what you can expect in a relationship with love and respect (safety and absence of fear of violence at a minimum)?

Yanbu

Post in relationships, get some support, get out...

[Canyouforgiveher]

But the two nights he has him "he can't handle it" and is worried he'll lose his temper from tiredness. He's lost his temper with me in the past cos of booze & smashed a few doors in.

Keep your job. Because you will end up leaving this prize one day - with luck before he smashes you or your child up because of the booze - and you will certainly need a job.

In fairness to him, he has told you exactly what is going to happen. He has said that your child is unsafe with him because he can't handle being tired (if that is what he is calling it) and his response will be violent.

your child isn't safe with him - he has told you this. the solution is not you leaving your job. It is you leaving your husband. In the meantime I suggest you switch to days if possible, get as much work in days as you can and put your child in nursery. You certainly can't leave him with your husband. he has told you he will lose his temper.

Lousy situation to be in but unfortunately your child's father is a violent loser.

I also suggest moving this to Relationships.

[memyselfandaye]

He sounds like an utter bastard.

He's telling you he may lose his temper with your 18 month old baby and it will be your fault if he does.

He's a fucking toad, get rid, keep your child safe from this nasty abusive slimeball.

[LauderSyme]

I'm feeling quite angry after reading your post.
Angry at your DH, of course, the prick. No wonder you're
What a lazy useless selfish arsehole!
Does he need the extra time off to drink some important beer?
Sounds like most of his life is time off.
Don't leave your job, you clearly don't want to and there are so many positive reasons for continuing to work.
He is trying to emotionally manipulate you into making a decision that is purely in his interests, and he is being childish and horrid.
I mean, wtf?! He's worried he'll lose his temper? Is that a threat? It sounds like one.
Is he seriously saying he might physically harm your child? Or is he just saying that to make you cave?
Either way it's lowdown and vile.
Do whatever is in DS's and your best interests; that can't be letting your DH get away with abdicating even more responsibility.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Keep your job. Because you will end up leaving this prize one day - with luck before he smashes you or your child up because of the booze - and you will certainly need a job. This. You need a job. You don't need him.

[Want2bSupermum]

canyou hit the nail on the head. He has def told you what is going to happen. He probably doesn't realize he is already justifying his loss of temper with the child as your fault.

Find someone who can stop by to help while you are at work and get the heck out of that relationship. I would not be surprised if he hasn't already lost his temper with your child.

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

Sort of an academic ponder* , but if you stopped working, would he pick up the slack and go to full-time? Did he even offer?

*Because I agree with PPs that you should LTB. And cite his violence/threat of violence, substance abuse and general nom-engagent in both divorce and child contact issues.

You need Women's Aid. You need a lawyer. You need the help of the council and to get your paperwork in order.

You can do this.

[MumOfOne14]

That's what i said to him.. Is this a threat then?? And he got all defensive. I said him "I do everything & you want me to do more"!! I enjoy going to work, it's the only time I get to chat with friends & have a laugh, but he doesn't see that cos he's a loner.
He hasn't been violent for years, but I think that's down to me knowing when to shut up. & when I ask him to do some more with my DS he just says no & you wanted a baby more than me... I feel it really getting to me now.

[MumOfOne14]

About the ££ he gets a good wage with the 3 days he does, so my money is kind of the luxuries & shopping money. So I don't think he'd work much more hours!!

[MumOfOne14]

Sorry silly Question but how do I change it to relationships.. I'm on the app. Thanks

[Absofrigginlootly]

Report your OP to MNHQ and ask for it to be moved, I'll do it for you if you don't know how if you want??

I second what everyone above has said - they said it better than me. He does sound abusive and in fact I raise my 'twat' to 'abusive fuckwit'

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Darling, my DH wanted a baby more than me. But I had one and I love her more than anything. If you become a parent, you suck up your own stuff and do the hard work.

Is he still breaking doors?

[MumOfOne14]

Yes please absofrigginlootly! Thanks! Yeah he is, we get on well most of the time, but the fact he's lazy with our son & doesn't want me to work is making me really hate him!

[Absofrigginlootly]

Done

He's still breaking doors in a pathetic temper?!
This is not an appropriate environment for your DS to grow up in. The relationships posters will help you loads.

You and your son are worth more than this

[Rainatnight]

Oh love, it's not a good sign that he hasn't been violent for years because you 'know when to shut up'. That's abuse. You deserve for your home to be a safe and happy place.

Please don't leave your job - having an income is vital in your situation. If your money is for 'luxuries' can you put some aside for yourself, in case you decide to leave?

And please call Women's Aid for some advice.

[Princesspinkgirl]

To be honest work situation aside I would take your child and leave he's got a temper I wouldn't risk your little ones saftey

[QueenofLouisiana]

It's not up to you to "know when to shut up" to stop the violence. It's up to him to not be violent. Your child won't know "when to shut up" for many years, is that going to trigger his violence?

Please start to make sure you have an exit strategy. Start saving some money, have access to paperwork you want and consider safer places for you and your lovely boy.

I was your DS, nearly 40 years ago. It wasn't pretty and I know exactly what DH and I deal with in our marriage as a result of my issues.