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Relationships

Could/would you or has anyone dated a sex offender?

139 replies

WTAF · 17/04/2016 19:15

Really not sure where to start! But can't talk to RL people about this so here goes.

I met a guy online a little over 3 weeks ago. Instant connection with chatting, met him after 4 days of non stop messaging and the connection was there in real life too. Which as anyone who has done online dating will know, is rare. And was great! Both of us very surprised but glad to have met each other. We've seen each other every other day since then, so I guess about a dozen times. We've been out, he's been to my house, I've been to his. He's definitely single, which after a cheating ex and a MM from online dating, is obviously something I make very sure of!

He has 2 kids with his ex-wife, and sees them every other weekend. They split about 5 years ago. It came up in conversation one night about a week ago about why I'd split up with my sons dad (I have one DS, aged 7) and I was very honest, told the full story. And then asked him why he'd split from his wife. He went a bit weird and said he'd tell me one day, but wasn't ready to yet. So I let it drop, but of course started to wonder why he hadn't just said. So last night I had a few to drink while we were out, and once we got home I asked him again. He still didn't want to say but I pushed it and he gave in, and told me the full story. Or what he says is the full story.

Don't want to go into huge detail here but basically, he is on the sex offenders register. He was unhappy with his wife, started talking to people online, met a girl in a chat room, and there was some sex chat I think, before she said she was 15. They met up one day, with plans just for coffee, and kissed. He says just kissed. Someone that knew her saw her and reported it. He says. Ultimately he was charged with grooming (because of the previous sex chat) and sexual activity with a minor. He didn't go to prison (he says) but he's on the register.

So wtf do I do now? I'm not in love, and am therefore capable of rational thought! I don't know if he's told me the whole truth, and how would I ever find out? And even if I could, the fact I don't trust what he's said probably isn't a good sign is it? I feel the fact he knew she was 15 before he met her, and did it anyway, makes a huge difference. He says he was very depressed in his marriage and sounds like he was in self destruct mode. I feel horrible for ending it over this because it's obviously something he hugely regrets and is desperate to move on from, but I just don't know if it's something I can live with. I have nieces and friends with young girls, I want to believe he's a good person who made one incredibly stupid mistake but what if it turned out he wasn't?

So many unknowns. 3 weeks in, I should just get out shouldn't I? I think writing this out has almost answered my own question. But how do I tell him kindly? He's going to be absolutely gutted and I'm not good at dumping at the best of times. What a mess.

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LaGattaNera · 17/04/2016 19:18

I have suffered from depression as a result of unhappy relationships but even in my deepest lows, I would never have contemplated meeting a 15 year old - not for coffee, not for a chat - not ever. Sorry. It would be a show stopper for me.