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Please help(9 Posts)
I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. It's a long story! There are things I'd like to ask everyone and get their opinions. I feel so hurt and confused right now and don't know what the hell I am doing. My boyfriend calls me names. He tries to control me. He says things like you're a skank! Implies I'm a whore because I have male friends on Facebook I have known for 20 years or more. They inbox me asking if me and kids are ok every once in a while and because I reply with a message back and a kiss at the end this makes me a disrespectful whore who needs to love him right and in return he will love me deeper. I have had to say goodbye to one of my best friends who is male because he was not comfortable us talking. We fell out again today over money. We don't live together but we have a child together who he didn't see or ask how she was for 5 years. I bought something and he said have you won the lottery! I said no I used my birthday money to buy it and he then said I'm a fucking skank! That I should prioritise my spending and it should of gone on a holiday for us both this summer. This is another arguement....he is taking 100 out of child support for our daughter to take me away in the summer. He's doing this because I said I have to plan and save to go on holiday I can't afford it like him who is on 40 grand plus a year to just pay outright. I have to budget. This is a whole different arguement that happened last year when I sent my kids to my parents house for 6 weeks in France to help me out so I could work. I had to pay for us to get there, pay support for my children, pay to get back, holiday money for the children and get all new school uniform on their return. Because I couldn't afford another holiday which he asked me to go on in June I thought it was to short notice for me raise any more money. I work part time and have two kids. I was called a skank then to and should prioritise my spending. I have a phone contract. This is not a priority in his eyes.
Another arguement....I bought a Hoover and I put it in my living room. Still in the box. I have sciatica and didn't know where to store until I sorted getting rid of other one so I just left it in a feature wall hole for time being for a few days and he called me a fucking skank and a tramp. My house is to of high standard on the inside. I'm exceptionally clean!!!!! I'm a cleaner!!!!! My house is also below his standard of living. I live in a town area, terraced house. The first time buyer place you would buy. Because my house isn't new and in a nice area he has said we will never live with me. That I couldn't contribute to a mortgage with him in a nice area because I can't afford it on my wage. He has told me I'm fat so I lose a stone. And then I'm too skinny when I did. I'm now just under 10 stone but I need to join a gym and tone up. Which I did! But then I get it thrown back in my face. Just because you have joined the gym and maybe talking to fit guys etc! Etc! His kids also hate me and have called me whore! Scum! On many occasions. Even threatened me. He doesn't stick up for me in any way shape or form and even said one eve when I wanted to come over I'm not welcome because they are there and if I turn up he will tell me and his child and my son to fuck off and will tell his kids to tell me to fuck off to so I wouldn't bother. It's a long, long story! All of it. These are just little snips! This has been going on non stop for nearly 3 years! I genuinely feel like I don't know who I am any more. That my kids just see my cry all the time and they are better off without me. The feeling I have inside is I just want to go home! For all this pain to stop! I wish something would just take me out! Why does he hate me? What am I doing? Is a kiss to a friend a big deal? He went away 3 times last year and lied about where he was and was in Ibiza with friends which included girls and his response was its not like I've fucked anyone yet. He's tried to befriend a woman at work and sent an email saying I know you like Beemas and nice clothes and shoes, what else do you like? I'll try and make you smile at work. Why do you look so miserable? Im going out of my bloody mind!!!!! Sorry for the rant! If someone could take the time to reply I would deeply appreciate it.
This man is completely abusive.
Please, please, please end this relationship you are worth so much more
you must leave. He is incredibly abusive to you and by the sounds of it offers nothing positive to your relationship with him. is there someone who can help you with visitation of his kids whilst you go Nc for a while?
Please just leave. This man is abusive and you can do better.
OP have you heard of the Freedom Programme? It's a course you can do (online or in person but in person is better) to help you recognise abusive behaviour and how to avoid allowing yourself to remain in (or get into) abusive relationships. Google it and your town and it should throw up a course near you. It's so easy to get used to being treated badly, you end up not knowing whether what you're going through is 'normal' and even questioning whether it might be you rather than him. It isn't you. This guy is abusive and it sounds like you need some help to regain your self confidence so you can see that and get free of him. You deserve better, get online today while he's out and do some reading about abusive relationships, there's a post on here I think called The Abuser Profiles, I'll see if I can find it and link it for you but you will find a lot you recognise about your partner in it. Make sure you clear your browser history if he has access to your computer/phone though, it's important you stay safe and build your strength without him realising you're taking steps towards leaving him. Give Women's Aid a call if you feel up to it, talk through how he behaves towards you, they will help you see how abusive he is. This board has some fantastic, knowledgable posters so keep talking here too, you and your DC deserve so much better than this
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2268977-The-Abuser-Profiles and this is the link for the Women's Aid site for contact details www.womensaid.org.uk/
Your kids will not be better off without you, they will be better off without him.
Please leave him.
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