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Ex moving in with G/F and her kids

(13 Posts)
SarahB1971 Wed 20-Jan-16 20:31:53

Hi, I'm Mum to a lovely little boy, who lives with me. We've been divorced for three years, and are both seeing other people. My issue is that my ex is moving in with his g/f and her two daughters (both slightly older than my son), and is making noises about our son moving in with them to make a complete family.

My issues are as follows:

1 I only heard about this g/f and her family because my son mentioned "Daddy's new friend" about 6 months ago
2 I only heard about them moving in together when my son mentioned he has a room at her house, and I questiond my ex about it.

I don't have a problem with my ex having a relationship (far from it - he is SO much nicer when he's getting laid), but I DO have a problem with the fact that I haven't had the opportunity to meet this woman who is playing such a part in my son's life, and the fact I haven't really had any warning that this was about to happen.

I DO have parental responsibility (I did move back up to Northumberland from Bradford when the divorce came through - I have family up there, and a social network missing down in Yorkshire - but my ex didn't make any legal challenge regarding this at the time), but I don't live with my partner, as I prefer the autonomy after 20 years with my ex. My ex works abroad a lot and, up until now, hasn't had anyone at home to look after my son when he's been away.

This ISN'T about me losing the child support, but is about the fact I'm terrified that I'll lose my son.

I have only just found all this out, so haven't had time to talk to a solicitor. Any help would be very much appreciated.

RandomMess Wed 20-Jan-16 20:34:52

I think it would be very difficult for him to try and enforce a change of contact arrangement after 3 years when you live non-locally and he wouldn't be the one doing the care...

Claraoswald36 Wed 20-Jan-16 20:36:13

He is suggesting full redundancy then? Doesn't have a hope in hell. Let him get legal advice and they will tell him straight the beef he can hope for is a good contact plan. He has no legal right to remove your son from you the way you describe.

Sunbeam1112 Wed 20-Jan-16 20:36:46

Stand your ground and say your DS isn't moving in. Your ex can have access but just because hes moved in with his gf doesn't give them the right to take your son and expect him to live with them

Claraoswald36 Wed 20-Jan-16 20:37:00

And I doubt any poster reading your thread would conclude your concerns are financial!!

SarahB1971 Wed 20-Jan-16 20:40:18

He isn't suggesting redundancy - more that he now has the prospect of a live-in partner who could care for my son when he's away

pocketsaviour Wed 20-Jan-16 20:41:27

Was there any residence or contact arrangement agreed as part of the divorce? How often does your DS currently see his dad?

And, has your ex actually said to you "I want DS to move in with me" or is this hearsay from someone else/DS?

lunar1 Wed 20-Jan-16 20:48:28

He's waited far to long after you moving away for anything like 50/50 to be possible given the distance.

SarahB1971 Wed 20-Jan-16 20:48:37

Contact was agreed at two consecutive nights, twice a month, until I moved up. He was given about 6 months' notice of my intention to move once the divorce was finalised, after the agreement, but still professed surprise when I did. He now sees my DS once a month for 2 nights during term time, and half of all school holidays.

The ex has told me this is his intention by the end of the year. He doesn't seem at all interested that I meet his partner (he was never interested in meeting mine either, despite my feeling it is important that e do so) ad has expressed a degree of indignation that I don't trust him to make a responsible decision :-P

LaurieFairyCake Wed 20-Jan-16 20:50:17

You don't have to meet her and yes, both of you are trusted to make responsible decisions

It's very unlikely that residency would change, it's working fine. He might get more weekends but less likely if he's not going to be there.

LittleLegs25 Wed 20-Jan-16 21:25:15

Why would a court rule that a child be taken away from his mother for no good reason other than the ex wants a perfect little family unit. I'm surprised you didn't laugh in his face.

Why are you worrying? He doesn't have a chance in hell. The very most they would give is probably 50/50 but only if it was realistic to do this.

TooSassy Wed 20-Jan-16 21:30:23

If you're really concerned, have a meeting with a family lawyer and they will be able to set your mind at ease.

Did you and your ex ever attend mediation to sort the current access arrangements in place?

Finally how old (ish) is your son?

Offred Wed 20-Jan-16 22:06:17

You don't get to vet each other's partners that is a strange thing to want! confused

I can't see why your son spending time at his house with people who are no relation to him while his father is away, rather than at your house with his mother would be in his interests... It's a really strange thing to suggest TBH.

If your ex isn't going to be there why would your son be there?!

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