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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

OLD Mr frigid has got the hump with me

125 replies

junglejane111 · 27/12/2015 21:04

Had 8, yes 8 dates with a chap, who after all that time, couldn't bring himself to even hold my hand let alone put an arm around me - or horror of horrors - actually kiss me. After I delicately kissed him on the cheek, he turned to me & said 'I'm not ready for this'. So I quite rightly called it a day & said 'this isn't working out for me but (being polite) you're a lovely chap & I'd like to stay friends'. I got this response:

"Amazing how fine a line it is when a woman is seriously keen on a guy one minute , and then shelves him the next- when she doesn't get what she wants".

I feel sorry for him. But really, to not even be able to hold hands after 8 dates? I felt more like a sister/mother than a girlfriend. Tell me I'm normal.

OP posts:

Report

TokenGinger · 27/12/2015 21:09

You are normal.

Avoid!!

SoleSource · 27/12/2015 21:10

You are normal but so is he. It is normal to make a decision about when we become intimate. Very frustrating though. ☺

YouBastardSockBalls · 27/12/2015 21:11

Crikey imagine if this was a man talking about a woman!

He is perfectly within his rights to take physical intimacy at whatever pace he feels right. As are you.

It's seriously not nice though to then slag him off online as 'Mr Frigid.'

You're obviously not suited. Just move on. Poor bloke.

ImperialBlether · 27/12/2015 21:12

I think you should write to him and tell him exactly what you said here. Who wants a relationship where you feel like his mum?

junglejane111 · 27/12/2015 21:12

If I then told you he smoked like a chimney, drank like a fish & dabbled in dope you'd possibly box my ears for not running for the hills by date 3.

OP posts:

TokenGinger · 27/12/2015 21:13

I hardly think it's "poor bloke". She hasn't been vile or nasty to him.

She clearly just does not feel it's for her and I think the majority of people would feel somewhat rejected after 8 dates of no handholding.

JohnLuther · 27/12/2015 21:13

Poor bloke, it's entirely up to him if he doesn't want physical contact.

hesterton · 27/12/2015 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GloriaHotcakes · 27/12/2015 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouBastardSockBalls · 27/12/2015 21:14

'Write to him and tell him what you've said here!?'

hesterton · 27/12/2015 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

junglejane111 · 27/12/2015 21:15

& we won't mention the time I was frog-marched to a cashpoint! I did like him though, he was a nice person underneath, it was just never going to work. I want normality.

OP posts:

MissApple · 27/12/2015 21:17

lucky escape love!

SoleSource · 27/12/2015 21:17

Not good enough for you. You did the right thing. I hope the next guy is what you want.

ImperialBlether · 27/12/2015 21:18

YouBastard, I meant she should say this to him: "But really, to not even be able to hold hands after 8 dates? I felt more like a sister/mother than a girlfriend."

No idea why you have a gobsmacked face!

junglejane111 · 27/12/2015 21:18

Who goes OLD but then doesn't want what dating brings? Handholding/arm-in-arm/kissing or sex?

OP posts:

BrendaandEddie · 27/12/2015 21:19

you dont date if you dont want to HOLD HANDS fgs

what planet are you all on?!!

BackInTheRealWorld · 27/12/2015 21:19

So you weren't suited. It happens. Next.
I'll not join in your desperate need for us to slag him off sorry, he just wasn't right for you and you weren't right for him. That's ok you know.

Supermanspants · 27/12/2015 21:20

Run and don't ever look back
These sort of responses are becoming so over used and boringly predictable

Op.... you are well within your rights to end things with this man ..... of course you are. It seems very odd that after 8 dates he is not keen to even hold your hand or kiss you. Clearly you are incompatible and I would have done the same but probably by the 4th date

Fugghetaboutit · 27/12/2015 21:20

What happened with the atm?

fishfingersinmysandwiches · 27/12/2015 21:21

Yeah it's up to him if he doesn't want physical contact.

But it's also up to her if she doesn't want to date someone who doesn't want physical contact!

As a red-blooded, adult woman I also would be put off by a man who didn't seem interested in me physically after eight dates. I think a lot of us would. I also think a lot of men would feel the same were the situation reversed. In which case it would be fine for them to not continue dating the woman.

I'd bet my bottom dollar the poor bloke is suffering from some kind of ED issue and is terrified, mind.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 27/12/2015 21:22

I'd imagine quite a few people junglejane

I find this thread quite sad. Pathetic actually. If it was the other way round and it was a female not ready for physical contact, the op (being male) would be called everything under the sun.

How about respecting other people and realising not everyone is the same as you? It doesn't make them 'frigid' either. People have different standards,beliefs and ways. They are entitled to them.

Oh and as far as I'm concerned dating doesn't involve sex either ;)

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junglejane111 · 27/12/2015 21:22

Fugge he wanted me to withdraw cash (I never carry any) to give him so he could pay for our evening out.

OP posts:

BrendaandEddie · 27/12/2015 21:23

WHY would you date and not want physical contact?!!

BrendaandEddie · 27/12/2015 21:24

i would say the same for a woman.

Bloody weird

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