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Husband unreasonable??

(122 Posts)
Jessicahamdouchi Wed 18-Nov-15 16:37:15

Hi I'm very new here just want u ladies opinions smile
My husband is starting to really get me down arguments are starting to be the same he always picks at my personality
Says things to start an argument like
U gonna make u a cup tea!!
Where's dinner?!
Get me my shoes
I normally put up with it but even that's not good enough for him we have 2 kids I'm pregnant again 4 months along
He never helps with them or nappies, bedtime
Shouts at us when he's home
And now he's punished me for not like the things he does
Ie
Ornaments
Not wanting a new iPhone right now
Not liking his jokes aimed at me
Now he is suddenly unhappy that I cry a lot
Can you wonder?
I'll share more later but this is a taster of life
Fed up smile

molyholy Wed 18-Nov-15 16:41:32

God. It sounds like hell. Is there anything nice about him? Please don't say 'but he's a good dad', because if he was, he would have more respect for the mother of his children. He sounds like a dick and you would be well rid. Life is too short for this monotonous, disrespectful bullshit. Can you imagine what life would be like without this crap?

Jessicahamdouchi Wed 18-Nov-15 16:42:41

Tbh he's not a good dad

Jessicahamdouchi Wed 18-Nov-15 16:43:23

And even tho he says it's not he seems to think money is the answer

Jessicahamdouchi Wed 18-Nov-15 16:44:41

Been punished for going to town without double asking permission too

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 18-Nov-15 16:45:58

Why are you together at all now?. Does he really just want to keep you barefoot and pregnant so you are now fully dependent on him?.

Please tell me also that the smiley face at the end of your post was an error on your part because that is really not appropriate at all.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?. What needs of yours are being met here by this individual?.

Do you often imagine what life would be like without him in it?.

He is neither a decent husband or father to his children if you are being treated so badly. They see him do this to you and your responses to it, it sends them confusing and mixed messages. Is that really what you want to teach them about relationships?.

mintoil Wed 18-Nov-15 16:46:51

Jessica this sounds awful. Do you have any support in real life? Friends or family you can talk to?

It is not right that you are so unhappy and he treats you so poorly. Has he always been like this or has something happened to change things?
What is your general self esteem like? Sorry to ask but most women wouldn't have had one child with a man who treated them so poorly, let alone three, so I am wondering what your own childhood was like?

Gowgirl Wed 18-Nov-15 16:49:08

My god, you have my every sympathy be sounds like my stepfather.

Jessicahamdouchi Wed 18-Nov-15 16:49:42

Yea sorry I got the smiling upside down.
Tbh I really confused I think I'm just worried of being on my own and history repeating itself
I have no friends or family that are here as we moved he also get snarky when my hairdresser comes sometimes
I just needed to let it out

Gowgirl Wed 18-Nov-15 16:51:46

My mumfelt the same she stayed with the bastard 15 yrs....

Jessicahamdouchi Wed 18-Nov-15 16:52:08

He wasn't always this bad
But he has always had a streak
I must say I do regret ever meeting him but I don't regret my kids
I'm so low at the moment I feel depressed but I'm not going on happy pills becoz of him

Gowgirl Wed 18-Nov-15 16:58:44

You need to look after yourself at the mi ute, eat properly, exercise and fresh air etc....
Give yourself a bit of time to decide what you want to do...

Gowgirl Wed 18-Nov-15 16:59:53

If he is violent you need to leave

AcrossthePond55 Wed 18-Nov-15 17:06:01

Can you take your children and go back to where you moved from? Do you have friends or family there? If not there, do you have friends or family anywhere you can go to?

mintoil Wed 18-Nov-15 17:16:03

I agree with pond I would be looking for a very quiet way out.

Can you make a plan and leave one day with your children when he is at work or out? If you don't have access to money maybe family or friends can help you? This is no way to live is it love?

This is the number for Womens Aid - 0808 2000 247 They may be able to help you.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 18-Nov-15 17:16:24

"Tbh I really confused I think I'm just worried of being on my own and history repeating itself"

You would now be better off on your own; this man is simply dragging you and your children down with him. What you're experiencing here is emotional abuse. You are depressed because of his behaviour which has likely further escalated over time. Your children will be learning from all this too; he is not a good person to be at all around.

What do you mean re "history repeating itself"?. Has a previous relationship also been abusive?.

A chat with Womens Aid on 0808 2000 247 could well help you.

Jessicahamdouchi Wed 18-Nov-15 17:20:49

Sorry I was busy
No I have no money of my own
No family nearby also any one I do have r broke themselves
I even sometimes question myself if I'm as mad as he says I am
I just feel that my life is over and just stay with him
But another pictures life without him like being able to go out to the shops without question and without being told I need to do chores before I am allowed out

Jessicahamdouchi Wed 18-Nov-15 17:21:44

I also mean history repeating by my mum was a single mum

ImperialBlether Wed 18-Nov-15 17:22:07

He sounds really horrible. What do you mean when you say he punishes you?

Gowgirl Wed 18-Nov-15 17:22:50

It sounds horribly familiar, I would start gathering cash etc...

mintoil Wed 18-Nov-15 17:24:34

Please speak to womens aid - they may be able to help you get to your mums/other family safely.

Please do keep imagining how lovely it will be when you can go to the shops, have your hair cut, have a normal life. Think how happy you will be and how happy your children will be.

When you say "allowed out" do you mean he would physically stop you from leaving your home?

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 18-Nov-15 17:28:31

Its not you who is the mad one here, it is he. He targeted you as well OP of that I have no doubt at all.

I presume he tightly controls all your access to money. If he does then he is financially abusing you as well.

If you choose to stay with him, your life will be further overshadowed by his power and control over you. He will continue to control your every move and waking moment. These men do not change; they simply ramp up the power and control even further.

You think you're depressed now; another 3-5 years of his control will surely be the complete emotional death of you and by turn your children too. You would be better off in all sorts of ways now as a single parent to your children. You would have freedom and choice; two fundamentals of life you really do not have now.

You know this is wrong; you can and should escape his control of you and that is also where Womens Aid can help.

Being with an abusive controlling man is not the legacy to be leaving your children.

jelliebelly Wed 18-Nov-15 17:58:31

Yes he is being unreasonable. There is nothing wrong with being a single mum - having parents with a dysfunctional relationship is much worse.

AcrossthePond55 Wed 18-Nov-15 18:24:09

Lovely, listen to me. You need to go. As far as your family being poor, even if I was flat broke, I'd still do all I could to help one of my children, or a friend. Even if they had to sleep on the floor and all we had to eat was beans and rice. I'd still take them in. I'd still try to scrimp together enough pennies to get them to me even if they had to spend 8 hours on a bus.

I'm sure I'm old enough to be your mum. Listen to me. You are in a very, very bad situation. One that could rapidly become dangerous, if it's not already. Call WA and ask them to help you make a plan. Call your mum, your siblings, your friends. Call and keep calling. I'm sure there is someone out there who will help you.

Do you have access to money or a credit card? Could you start paying for groceries and doing 'cash over' without him noticing? If so, you can start stashing away cash in a hidden place until you've built up enough to at least get you and the children bus or train tickets.

Jessicahamdouchi Wed 18-Nov-15 19:06:10

Thank u so much ladies
After a big bust up seems like he's leaving for good

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