Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Desperately Need Advice. Too Weak to Confront or End it! (long sorry!)

(12 Posts)
Arsenal123 Wed 24-Jun-15 14:00:01

I (30) have been seeing a girl (26) for 5 months. We met on a dating app. She refers to me as her boyfriend but we have never had the relationship talk. She told me she really likes me but doesn't do emotions. She also said we'd have to meet each others' parents at some point. She told me she went through two bad break ups several years back and for the past 3 years she has 'dated' but not been 'too bothered' about a relationship.

First month had been great ... just innocent dating and nothing more physical than kissing, hand holding and cuddling.

We are then intimate and she tells me that I won't need to use protection and shows me the implant. This was a massive alarm bell for me. One night in bed she randomly tells me that a guy has been sending her explicit messages. She shows them to me and there is some overlap with our first dates but nothing too recent. The string of texts shows one reply from her which is flirty. There are several others from him which as very lewd but nothing from her. To me it looked as though she had deleted her replies as one text said "night xx" two days after the previous one. When I asked why she showed me these, she said she thought I knew him ... I couldn't bring myself to say anything ... it kept me awake all night though.

She is very much a party animal whereas I am much less of one, especially when in a relationship. She recently came back from Magaluf which I also didn't ask too much about. She also accrued some debts which are now dealt with.

Fast forward to this weekend - we go out with a couple she knows. She spends a lot of the night talking to guys but I figure they're friends. She randomly then says it's time for me to leave the club as I don't drink often. I decide to stay and nothing more is said. Outside the club a guy asks her if she is going to take his friend home repeatedly. I get angry and push his friend. I don't remember much after that but the guy had walked off thankfully. Again I can't sleep. I am wondering whether this is an old flame or someone she has been in contact with since we have been together.

She often tells me how people have bought her drinks too and how guys have cheated on her in the past. I don't know if she just doesn't get what she is doing or whether it's designed to make me feel insecure and her more secure. I think I may have some issues with jealousy and insecurity but I don't know where to turn? GP? Counselling? For the past few days I have found it difficult to concentrate and get out of bed. Please help!?

rumred Wed 24-Jun-15 15:13:11

You don't sound well matched I'm afraid. Have you talked about being exclusive and what that actually means?

logicalfallacy101 Wed 24-Jun-15 15:33:55

Huge red flag re not using protection. Think maybe you should rethink. Massively.

tetheredsoul Wed 24-Jun-15 15:51:37

She sounds like a classic 'party girl'. It doesn't sound like that's what you were looking for or bargained for. She's young, as are you, but I don't think she is ready to settle down into a monogamous relationship.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 24-Jun-15 16:02:35

You and she seem completely and utterly unsuited to each other.

What do you get out of this relationship, what needs of yours does she meet here?.

Who dealt with the debt, not you surely?.

BifsWif Wed 24-Jun-15 16:09:51

She is me ten years ago. She is very insecure and thrives from male attention - she is trying to make you jealous. Honestly? Walk away. You're going to get hurt. Let her know you're there if she's ready to be in an adult relationship and stop the silly games then leave it with her.

goddessofsmallthings Wed 24-Jun-15 16:40:08

Outside the club a guy asks her if she is going to take his friend home repeatedly. I get angry and push his friend

A scene played outside clubs & pubs the length and breadth of the nation on Friday/Saturday nights and many such scenarios end in punch-ups, brawls, minor/serious injuries and worse.

Numerous participants in such unseemly behaviour can be found regretting their actions in police cells the following day as they contemplate having a criminal conviction for violence of some kind or another which may blight their careers/future prospects.

This young woman is not a suitable match for you; get back on the dating app and find one who shares your values otherwise you may find yourself up before the beak and/or paying child support for the next 18 years.

Btw, a word of thanks to your guardian angel wouldn't go amiss and a trip to your nearest GUM clinic is de rigeur before you embark on another sexual relationship.

magoria Wed 24-Jun-15 17:30:35

It's only been 5 months.

She was trying to get rid of you and pull another bloke.

Don't get yourself a criminal record getting into fights over her.

Let the other blokes have her before you get in too deep.

And even if you used protection get an STI test. They don't protect 100%

Cabrinha Wed 24-Jun-15 17:53:48

Life is too short for drama queen bores who say they "don't do emotion" even without her flirting (and probably fucking) other men and rubbing your nose in it.

Dump her.

But you're 30 - grow up a bit yourself! Shoving someone outside a club? Not using proper protection? Come on.

Zillie77 Wed 24-Jun-15 19:08:40

I agree with everyone else. You can do much better than this drama queen. Find someone fun and exciting but who also has good judgement and who is clearly interested in you.

pocketsaviour Wed 24-Jun-15 19:30:02

OP didn't say that he didn't use protection - just that she said he didn't have to.

OP, get yourself rid of her. Seriously. She's a drama queen and she clearly LOVES the ides of men fighting over her. Underneath it all she will be very insecure and have low self-esteem which is based purely around her worth as a sexual object.

Also, "doesn't do emotion"? I'm assuming you wanted to meet someone and ultimately be in a loving relationship. She's told you this isn't going to happen. Heed her words and fuck her off now.

oabiti Wed 24-Jun-15 21:08:57

Don't chase her, frigging replace her!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: