dont know what to do im all over the place and my dp is a wierdo

[presario1]

i have been with my dp for over 4 years with him. we are soulmates. he loves kids and so do i after a year we chatted and we went through various tests and it was discovered that he has a high sperm count and very low mobility about 2 per cent thanks to a childhood accident. im in the other hand overweight and have very low progestrone about 2.9 and the avg is about 30.
im in my 30s so after waiting and scraping we where finially granted a slot for ivf all free paid for my the irish goverment as we are having both have problems cant afford as we have medical cards to qualifly its a golden opportunity and im so gratefull for it.

are appointment is coming up in may and i have dont all the test and im still waiting to do his end he hasnt been able to provide a sperm test as he is under stressed. time is getting on. he been horrible he had a terrible accident a few months ago and our lease was up on the rental apartment so he moved in with his parents and im moved with my mother. thats all well and good i made the effort to see him reguarly but he gone all cold. his family hates. me and my dp hasnt given a christmas present or a my valentines card and he knows that upsets me. i was there for him. at every way.
things between me and his family have reached boiling point and to be honest i want nothing to do with them thanks to them telling my friends and the world about their dislike for me but of course i being blamed for this row and im not welcome in their 'home'
its been nearly 7 months from his accident and he should be able to get his last operation and take his plate out. and be 'normal' he should be out and about and he would stand to gain a lot of money from his accident perhaps in the region of 140 grand eurs now
he derserves the money but i rather not the accident if you get me. i waited for him for nearly 7 months gone through some seriously hard shit with him and his family
i could tell my dp is backing off . no contact with me. he is only sweet to me when he had a hospital appointment this week and wanted me to attend with him and i refused saying i want nothing more with the hospital appointments because im sick of all this shite. when you brought your mam out for dinner you never asked me to come. he hardly spoke to me since.
and our appointment is comming im under terrible stress trying my best to lose weight. i fat and im 15 stone and i wondering what to do
if i dump him tomorrow what to i do. i dont do one night stands i feel like i gave him my best years but in the last year i regretted waiting for me and i can imagine he would find some else and be with them and get a load of money and the 2 of them would have a good time on it while i was the drained sad loser that stuck by him and got all the crap

another things is we break up tomorrow i know in my heart it would breake me if i saw him with another woman however im in my 30s and i want to have kids even if he doesnt do his side of things i will go to my appointment and see whats the story with me if im got no chance of having kids that i stay with him but if do well i know i cant risk that

[MistressDeeCee]

Well - thats was a lot. Sorry to hear you're in such a sad situation. Someone will come along with better advice than me, I think. But for now:

Leave this man alone. He is showing he doesn't want you and its likely he wants to share his accident money with his family, who may be influencing him. Get this 'investment' thing out of your head re. 'youve given him your best years'. As if, the time you've invested will guarantee you the return of a happy life if you remain with him. Life isn't about that. You still have your years to live, and a life for yourself to make.

He isn't your soulmate. You've afforded him that title and he is showing you, it doesn't mean a thing. It will be very hard for you to leave him but leave him you must, as he has already left you really. You can't force him to be with you. If the 2 of you are meant to be then even if you breakup now, he will come back to you. If he doesn't then you know he just didnt want you enough.

You don't have to see him with another woman, if it would even come to that. Don't seek him out to see what he is doing with his life. Live your own life and your purpose. As said if the 2 of you are meant to be he will help to make it happen, it won't be as one-sided as it is now. You won't meet any kind, decent men who will treat you well and have a family with you if you hang on to this man as your 'investment'. But of course, thats up to you. As hard as it is to start a new life without the future you had all planned out, you can do it. & you will live.

[Lweji]

Fwiw, you could keep your appointment so you know about you.

Regarding him, it looks like you'd better move on.

Lots of people have children in their 30s, even 40s.
You could find someone you love and loves you properly back. But you won't while you are with this man who isn't going anywhere.

[presario1]

thank you mistress
you have hitted on a few things on the nail im in my earlish 30s and have always been shy esp shy around men in fact i didnt lose my virginity until i met him tmi i know. a part of me is so scared and to try find someone else that is decent and kind and doesnt smoke lol. and lives nearish me in one way i kinda do know what i want in the next relationship but in a big way im scared i dont want anyone else im want him.

i want us to be a family. but he has been behaving horriblly to me . cold, pretended to book a hotel and doesent show. up i know all of the signs but he always told im his one. and we would never split up.

we had this deep connection but its just one drama after another and lets face most of the fellas in ireland are in austraila i dont want to be own my own again trying to weed out the weeds and be in risk of a std i just felt safe in his arms and i hate that way he has been behaving to me.

i feel such a money grabber by saying that but its important to spill out the facts i know he wouldnt give me a cent. but still im can imagine he with a new gf probably does have kids and they be all smooch to each other 10 years when you end a relationship you move never to be seen or heard again
in this generation there are many avenues to find out what there doing even if you dont want to know it alls there in the tap of your fingertips

[MistressDeeCee]

It is hard. No-one wants to have to start afresh when your hopes are set on the man you've been with for years, and the future the 2 of you discussed. But its still the case that if he now doesn't want a future with you, then you can't have one with him. You can talk until you are blue in the face - you cannot force him. & thats that, really.

You want a family with a man thats behaving cold-heartedly towards you. What sort of life would that be? A life you'd be complaining about for years, is what it would be. There's no point in that.

I suppose you can look him up online, via social media etc but you would just have to try not to be tempted to do so too much. Its only torturing yourself if you do. Have 1 more talk with him if its possible, spell everything out. If the 2 of you can try again, all well and good. If he is still coldhearted and disinterested then, leave him alone as his heart and mind has left you already. We simpy can't always have who we want when we want. I don't mean that to sound harsh, but its true. You can't hold on to a man who does not want you there is no law that allows you to do that and you would be better going through the heartbreak, as terrible as it is, and stop this notion that your whole life hangs upon this 1 man. Of course it doesn't

[fuckoffbeaker]

Why do you want to bring a child into such a mess. You don't like him, he doesn't like you, sounds a wonderful life for a baby . Why don't you just arrange to discuss the matter with him honestly.

[Hissy]

Absolutely walk away from this man. It's a disaster, and any child deserves better than that.

Get yourself checked out, find out about the issues you face, then move onwards with your life. He's not the one to be with.

[Lackland]

He sounds a Mammy's boy. Your relationship doesn't seem strong. I agree with the pp that it is not a good environment to bring a child into.

[Logg1e]

Makes me glad that me and my partner (13 years) aren't soulmates.

[JeanSeberg]

Makes me glad I'm single.

[LavenderGreen14]

Doesn't sound very much like soulmates at all - he treats you like crap. Run away and don't look back.

[paxtecum]

Presario: if you stay with him you will have a very, very miserable life.

If you dump him you have a chance of finding someone who really does love you and care about you.

He isn't your soulmate. He's a user.

[lavenderhoney]

He sounds awful op, sorry, but he does. Why do you want to shackle yourself to this man and his family? They treat you like dirt. You sound a nice person.

Because he was your first lover doesn't mean you have to be with him, thank god. Its a romantic dream to expect your first lover is your soul mate.

Being with someone isn't like this. And it doesn't sound like you two are a couple tbh. Move on, and I'm impressed you told him to get lost re his hospital appointment. Twat.

Take your life off hold, thank your lucky stars you aren't prgnt with him and think what to do next. Career, study, trip to oz?:) whatever it is, if you be your own best friend, you'll know this excuse for a man has no part of it.

Who cares if he is with someone else? Do you honestly think this man and all his crap is worth 140000 euros? If that's what you're hanging on for, I think that ship has sailed. Don't do this to yourself.