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How long does it take to 'get over' and how to immunise myself ?

(585 Posts)
redundantandbitter Wed 09-Oct-13 23:28:23

So, it's been nearly 4 weeks since being dumped for yoga lady. Bloody hard, long days and crap sleepless nights. Body is falling apart . He has done this previously (2.5 yrs ago) but returned 5 weeks later. We are NC but am panicking at the thought of him tipping up again with his "hi honey, how are you?" emails. I lurk here to distract myself and there's lots of good advice but I still feel weak and confused and like there is more to come . I only say this as I know his behaviour patterns. Last time we spoke was weeks ago and he said see you in a couple of weeks . Not sure why? Argh. In addition, Has anyone truly honestly stayed 'friends' with an ex? (Apart from Simon Cowell).

BitOutOfPractice Fri 27-Dec-13 00:32:41

Hello friends. Just checking in to see if you're ok

takingnoprisoners Sun 22-Dec-13 08:58:17

Hi R and B
I have been lurking on this thread for a while and have seen how you have struggled but carried on despite everything, you seem pretty strong. I am in a bit of a similar situation, my relationship ended in the summer and I was very upset by this, I had shared lovely times with my ex and we were very compatible in some very important ways, he though was not able to give any real,or meaningful commitment to me and my children. It ended because I was no longer prepared to not be a priority for him but we did have something very special.
My youngest dc has found it hard too and has missed him terribly at times so I decided that it might help to see him, to see it was ok to still like him and to help them come to terms with it all. Because of this the exbf came over yesterday and it was the first time I had seen him since August and I am proud to say that I remained civil just about!!
The reason I am posting is to say it is all bloody hard and there were times when I really did not know how I would carry on but I have and now I really don't want him back, seeing him today confirmed that. He is pretty fucked up and lonely and I do not need the stress he caused. He has no children and has moved away from his friends and family. He seemed to think he would be welcomed back here but I think he understood that whilst my DC was pleased to see him that everything has changed and he has lost the chance of being part of my family.
A relationship breaking down is a process and we carry on because we have to but also because we want to, we have our children to help us see that. He was with us last Christmas but I don't him here now, we can relax and see family and do our own thing, I hope you can too xx

redundantandbitter Mon 16-Dec-13 10:59:12

Hi cjel, hope you are ok?

Thanks for your message.

Re 1st kiss? I have a very good memory, it was very memorable too. Can honestly say The best kiss of my life.

cjel Mon 16-Dec-13 10:29:22

Morning Rand B, Been away a while !! but still think about you. Would think its more likely to be life rather than bi polar wouldn't you ? You notice highs and lows more when your life is like this at the moment. Hope you get appt quickly.
How do you even remember first kiss? You have an amazing memory.xx

BitOutOfPractice Sat 14-Dec-13 09:41:16

Oh lord I'm so sorry to hear about the baby. How utterly devastating hmm

Eek about the referral. Do you think doc might be right or just being cautious?

I hope the book helps. I read a different one and remember the "oh lord that's what I'm doing!" Moment as well!

redundantandbitter Fri 13-Dec-13 21:19:11

boop sorry to hear about your anniversary - what bizarre behaviour from your exp. you must have been soooo confused.

This week is 4 years since our first kiss. .

redundantandbitter Fri 13-Dec-13 21:17:16

Hello everyone

You lovely things! Saw my counsellor today - she wS most impressed with my praise of all the support and friendship I've received here.

put your flowers are still lovely, thanks . Keep that toy boy simmering.... Then you can bob that underwear back on when you get a minute to squeeze him in (matron!)

boop thanks for your parcel. I started the book last night - cried through the first 2 sections. But it's all exactly what I'm doing. So I don't feel too weird and bonkers. Showed it to counsellor - she said special circumstances need special measures . I'll happily give it a go. Basically I want him
Back and in 'waiting' mode. WTF? Hoping the book will help
Me break the constant cycles of thinking and reduce the pain.

The ad's thing is a bit more shit. GP said that taking ad's can 'unmask' bi polar . So now I have been urgently referred to psychiatrist - then GP will discuss. Argh that SO not what I want. Grrr

News on baby is the worst possible. So utterly sad. Heartbroken for my darling friend .

BitOutOfPractice Fri 13-Dec-13 18:08:36

Hello Whatty and Put!

What I didn't know you had a live thread. Sorry. What's it called? I must adnit I've been avoiding the Relationships board a bit because I found I was reading obsessively and it was causing me to dwell too much on what happened to me iykwim

Put - I think the docs is a good idea. At my lowest ebb I went and saw mine and sobbed to him. I just coudln't sleep. Well I could get off to slepp but I couldn't stay asleep. I onlytook the tablets for 2 or 3 nights but it was enough to get me back in a more sensible pattern

AS for toyboy...hmmm indeed. I think you've got the right idea. Make yourself the prize!

I've had the week from hell with work. Been at my desk all hours of the day and night and I am bushed and full of cold. I was supposed to be on a Big Night Out with clients tonight but I have cried off and managed to book a table for me and the BF at a local Italian. He was planning on coming over to mine to wait for me to ring him for a lift home so he could see me before I passed out drunk and snoring fell asleep like a princess. How sweet is that. That's the way to mend a girls broken heart

This week was a bit of a strange anniversary for me. One year ago this week, before he went back to work in the midde east for 4 weeks to fuck his Russian tart my ex turned up unepectedly on my doorstep. He was very agitated, pleading to get back with me and actually asked me to marry him, sobbing, the works hmm I was taken aback and said "let's talk about it when you get home again". Of course, when he came back, that's when I found out that the reason we had split up in July wasn't that he wanted to travel more. But because he was living with someone else. What a year it's been. What a year.

Putitonthelist Fri 13-Dec-13 17:53:35

Hi all. Yay!! - Finally back after a week of no laptop!!!

R&B - how are you today?

Hi Boop - how's things??

I'm at the docs on Tuesday morning about my lack of sleep - it's really starting to affect me now, I just cannot turn my thoughts off. Toy boy has been back in touch after standing me up on Tuesday night. He was mortified, got his wires crossed, will do anything to make it up to me, etc........... [hmmm] Have no time to see him before Christmas anyway now and definitely won't be putting a man before plans with my friends.

Had a lovely lunch with ex-boyfriend yesterday. Did lots of reminiscing about old happy times. He's turned out to be a great friend and someone I can truly be myself with.

Not thought about him all week but know he'll be at the school gates next week so that's something I'll just have to face then.

Whatnext074 Fri 13-Dec-13 17:29:34

She's been supporting me on my thread Boop x

How are you with the reduced ADs?

BitOutOfPractice Fri 13-Dec-13 12:35:52

Just checking in to see how you are x

BitOutOfPractice Tue 10-Dec-13 07:45:56

Oh no r&b that's not good. How about going back and asking for a different kind? Maybe this one just doesn't suit you.

Any news on that poorly baby?

I've got a cold, didn't sleep well and have possibly the busiest most pressurised day at work ever.

redundantandbitter Mon 09-Dec-13 16:56:51

So... GP told me to reduce my meds due to feeling a bit manic and now I feel right back where I was weeks ago. Spent all day in tears , doing all the ''why has he done this to me' type stuff. The meds were just masking the pain, abd I thought I was feeling better. Now I reduce the meds and the pain resurfaces. It's awful. I actually very nearly called EXP to ask him "are you sure?". I didn't but I want to. WTF. It's pissed me off to STILL be feeling this shit, worthless, dumped and generally unloved. Urgh

BitOutOfPractice Mon 09-Dec-13 07:32:01

Oh lord how utterly awful hmm sending some more strength and positive vibes from me too. Just can't imagine what her poor parents are going through

Putitonthelist Mon 09-Dec-13 07:24:16

Have been thinking about your friends baby R&B and am sending all the positive vibes I can - praying she's pulls through x

redundantandbitter Sun 08-Dec-13 22:00:14

Hey hun, leave him to think about how lovely you are,
. He'll be in touch

Very down , my friends 4 days old baby girl is very very poorly. It's not looking good. So upset. sad

Putitonthelist Sun 08-Dec-13 20:09:21

Right back at ya R&B - the man is a fool!!

Put tree and decs up. Have a few nice things to look forward to but on the whole not looking forward to Xmas at all. Not heard from toy boy since yesterday - not sure whether to text or just leave it......

redundantandbitter Sun 08-Dec-13 17:33:49

It was lovely, you're ALL lovely. Never thought when I posted my sad arsed thread that I would meet such good nice lovely folk. fgrin

BitOutOfPractice Sun 08-Dec-13 10:44:00

Oh how lovely <is jealous>

Putitonthelist Sun 08-Dec-13 10:35:36

Hi BOOP x She's on her way round to mine for a cuppa smile

BitOutOfPractice Sun 08-Dec-13 10:29:12

Are you still alive R&B or did a MN ninja get you in the night?

redundantandbitter Sun 08-Dec-13 00:05:54

Ooooh scared

BitOutOfPractice Sun 08-Dec-13 00:04:25

I'm dialling 666 to summon the mn vipers to arrest you

redundantandbitter Sat 07-Dec-13 23:56:51

Hun, hun, hun, hun, hun... Arrest me. I very dare you

BitOutOfPractice Sat 07-Dec-13 23:42:25

Thank you hon. I know "hon" is illegal on mn but I don't care. I'm not sure I'm fabulous. But I give it my best shot grin

I wish with all my heart that is made a clean break last July. It would've saved so much pain in the end but my god I adored that man and I couldn't bear to let go or give up hope. I thought we were meant to be together forever. Clearly not hmm

I know what you mean about the things that trigger the emotions. I still regularly have to change radio stations

As for reading the relationships board. Tbh I've stopped. I found it very depressing and draining and I started to feel very jaded and angry with men. I don't think it's healthy to overload on it.

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