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AIBU to be annoyed at DH

(277 Posts)
MisselthwaiteManor Mon 16-Sep-13 20:16:52

I have a 13 week old who screams all evening, 3-4 hours almost solidly, she has done this for weeks. She also has reflux which is controlled pretty well during the day but this screaming often sets off a vomit fest.

I have PND and anxiety and basically just hate being alive right now and this screaming doesn't help.

DH often works late (to 11pm) but after me calling him home in tears several times his boss allowed him to change his hours so he could work earlier and get home at a normal time. This happened for one week, DH has now switched his hours (by choice, not his bosses say-so) to working till 11pm EVERY FUCKING WEEKDAY hmm

I am on day one of this and the baby is screaming right now and I am feeling like he has done this on purpose so he doesn't have to deal with it and I can't see past the next 3 hours let alone doing this every day for the next however many years.

I have no other local support and he knows this. I fucking hate him right now and I feel like telling him to not bother coming home. I don't know if my judgement is being clouded by this incessant noise and stress but I don't want to see his face after he has done this to me.

She will be angelic when he comes home so he is of no use to me then.

gordyslovesheep Mon 16-Sep-13 20:20:47

OH no sad Oh poor poor you - he is being massively unreasonable - I'm sorry - it sounds so hard right now. It will get better x

MisselthwaiteManor Mon 16-Sep-13 20:22:10

I don't think it will get better, everyone said 6 weeks is the magic number, then 12 weeks, she's just getting worse. And then I read stories about people who's babies are like this months and months down the line and I feel like walking out. sad

TidyDancer Mon 16-Sep-13 20:22:26

No way are you being unreasonable.

Did your DH actually say why he'd changed his hours back again?

Whereabouts are you? Is there a MNer nearby who could at least come and sit with you or take you out for coffee during the day to get out of the house?

McNewPants2013 Mon 16-Sep-13 20:23:08


What have you tried for the reflux

gordyslovesheep Mon 16-Sep-13 20:24:15

it WILL - hang in there - she wont be doing this at 18!

where are you?

FlatsInDagenham Mon 16-Sep-13 20:25:51

What reason did he give for changing his hours?

Where are you? Maybe someone on here can help?

Tiredmumno1 Mon 16-Sep-13 20:26:08

Did he even sit and have a chat with you about changing his hours?

If no then I think you do need to sit and talk about it. Tell him you need his support, and he did not have any need to change his hours. Ask him why he has done it.

He is being U and very unfair on you, please say something to him.

thanks for you xx

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 16-Sep-13 20:26:40

Have you asked DH why he has checked out of the hard work of parenting? DD used to scream for hours in the evenings and DH and I had a bad enough time with two of us managing it.

It WILL get better.

HairyGrotter Mon 16-Sep-13 20:28:01

YANBU, he is! What a selfish fellow!

You poor thing, I remember only too well those fractious hours before bed hmm it really won't last forever, however, it's fucking awful during it.

Keep in there

Tiredmumno1 Mon 16-Sep-13 20:28:31

Also there was another MNetter recently where the DC had problems with reflux. The GP advised gaviscon, could you check with your GP if you could use it? That's if you don't already smile

Wishfulmakeupping Mon 16-Sep-13 20:28:36

Have you tried medication for the reflux it settled my dd right down?
He is being very unfair you are under a lot of pressure- have you got anyone nearby friends that you could talk to?
Whereabouts are you OP?

Tiredmumno1 Mon 16-Sep-13 20:29:51

their not the

pudseypie Mon 16-Sep-13 20:29:54

Do you know any other mums from antenatal classes or baby groups you can share a moan to over a cup of tea? It sounds like you are going through a really rough time, I did too and was in similar boat with no support or family nearby and with PND too but the friends I made at the groups were a fantastic support. It's true the first 12 weeks are hardest but it does get easier, you have to hang in there thanks

iloveweetos Mon 16-Sep-13 20:30:10

He's being extremely irresponsible. This is his child as well as yours. Work is to provide for your family not to avoid them.
Speak to him and explain how bad you actually feel. If nothing changes after this, then you may need to tell him not to bother coming home. Have you thought about a local children's centre who can point to someone to help?

MisselthwaiteManor Mon 16-Sep-13 20:31:16

He said he had to but then admitted he was just too tired going in early!

She's on ranitidine, and I express her feeds so I can slow her eating down, sit her up after feeds etc etc. It's fine during the day it's just when she's like this and screaming and thrashing she makes herself sick.

There was no discussion, there never is when it comes to work, it isn't the first time he has screwed me over so he could work. Im missing a therapy session this week because of his hours. I tell him I can't cope and he says 'you can' arghhhhhh it's like banging my head against a wall, I don't need his cheerleading moral support I need him to actually LISTEN.

Hes texting me right now with sad faces and aww I wish I could help etc, not actually coming home though.

pianodoodle Mon 16-Sep-13 20:33:25

YANBU I would talk to him about changing the hours back.

DD wasn't like this to the same extent but I do remember having some days where she was and also no one around to help and it's so draining.

If it gets very stressful do just put baby in the cot/basket even for a few minutes and go off for a few deep breaths no harm will come to her if you need a second to gether your thoughts.

MisselthwaiteManor Mon 16-Sep-13 20:33:53

I'm being a shitty mother right now DD is laying on the ed in front of me screaming while I MN but I have tried everything, she has been walked around in the sling, I've tried feeding I've tried her dummy I've tried her vibrating chair I've tried music and white noise. I've given up and Im waiting for her to just stop it on her own. I don't know what else to do.

MrsOakenshield Mon 16-Sep-13 20:34:37

he's being a tosser, and he can fuck right off with his sad faces. Come the weekend, he is on duty 24/7. No exceptions.

More helpfully, have you tried cranial osteopathy?

msrisotto Mon 16-Sep-13 20:34:56

cor, no wonder you have the rage. His behaviour is despicable. Are there any helpful relatives around or a friend to cry/bitch/moan on the shoulder of?

MadBusLady Mon 16-Sep-13 20:35:08

He's being a knob. Have you posted before about it? The "cheerleading moral support" is ringing a few bells. And you certainly should not be missing therapy when you've got PND! Christ, does he want to drive you into the ground?

This probably isn't the most constructive advice ever, but have you tried getting seriously blow-your-top angry with him?

MrsOakenshield Mon 16-Sep-13 20:35:53

make a kind of swing with your arms and hold her over them tummy side down and swing from side do side (not a good idea if you've got a bad back) - might help? Bicycling legs while she's lying down?

Ragusa Mon 16-Sep-13 20:37:42

What an absolute cock. If you are expressing, I think you need to handily book yourself a night away this Saturday. Travelodge'll do if money's tight.... obviously, you'll be going alone or with a good female friend and daddy and baby can have some bonding time.

So cross on your behalf.

McNewPants2013 Mon 16-Sep-13 20:37:49

Put her in a safe place and go somewhere in the house away from her for 5 minutes.

This is what my HV told me when DD wouldn't stop crying.

Go back to the GP because the medication isn't working.

pianodoodle Mon 16-Sep-13 20:37:51

My friend had the same problem (plus PND) and found it useful to take her husband to the GP with her so they could help explain things to him a bit better and tell him the level of support needed.

He does need to listen properly.

Something I just remembered DD used to like being carried in her baby carrier (one of the ones that clip on to your front) it really helped her settle.

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