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Regale me with hilarious/ridiculous
things that a narcissist or enabler has said to you....
I'll go first.
My DF acts as enabler for my narcissist M, although I doubt he's fully aware of this. We were discussing her and my god-awful childhood yesterday over skype when he dropped in this little gem:
'Well, you were so quiet. You didn't really defend yourself properly.'
What the actual fuck?!
I didn't really process the remark at the time but now I'm bloody fuming.
Go on, tell me yours. Let's laugh at the bastards
and then maybe I won't spend the next week dwelling on my wrath
My step mother was a complete narc who told really unforgivable lies about me and my siblings. I exposed her in front of my father one day and she announced that she was leaving him. As she went out the door she turned and said "No one will ever be able to iron your shirts as good as I can" .
I was 15, I hadn't tidied my bedroom when my mother came in and started to do it continually moaning. [I would have tidied it, it wasn't even that bad, just hadn't done it in her time frame].
She came out with the gem ' I hope one day someone makes your life as unhappy as you've made mine'.
I was illegitimate and already bogged down with guilt and knew my
horrible step dad was her priority and I was in the way of her new marriage.
I have never forgotten it...amongst other remarks/behaviours I am too upset to go into.
I'd been cleaning the house for about three hours and on my way out I asked my ex to finish the washing up as if run out of time... he told me I was abusing him.
My mum kicked me out as a late teen (my crime was my room I shared with a younger sibling was a mess and I'd been out with my boyfriend). She physically attacked me and as I walked the couple of miles to my dad's flat to seek refuge she followed me in the car at walking pace shouting abuse. I got to my dad's house and she stomped up as I was waiting for him to answer the door. When he did she screamed that if he let me even set a toe over the threshold he'd never see her or my sibling again. Dad was my last hope as they'd taken out debt in my name (without my knowledge) and had destroyed my credit rating. My dad looked me in the eyes and said "sorry love, you really should tidy your room and not have a boyfriend" as he shut the door in my face.
I ended up living in my barely functional car I'd bought for £100 and showering early at work for a couple of weeks..nobody ever knew! NC with mother, low contact with dad and live very, very, very far from both of them...
Or husband, first couple of days at home after I gave birth to 1st child and surgery for 3rd degree tear...’all I’ve done is run round after you and THAT baby’.
I’ll never forget that comment.
DM when i got engaged for the second time...’how many times are you going to get engaged?’
First words when she came to visit me in hospital after I had my first child and surgery for a 3rd degree tear...’you’ve still got your belly then?’
When I was younger...’if I knew you were going to turn out like this I’d have killed you at birth’.
Stepmum and Dad, visited me in hospital when I was just turned 15 and took an overdose. Serious attempt, I was in a care home where they had put me (simply because she didn't want to raise his child...... big house, CEO of large company, yacht just to break the stereotype of kids in care) and they told me "we only came to see you as your stepsister is in another ward otherwise we wouldn't bother with your attention seeking. And all these nurses can't be bothered with you either, needing to look after properly sick people that didn't inflict it on themselves. Oh, and you'll be lucky to ever get out of here and not go to a madhouse unless you can convince the phsychiatrist your not mad". They then left after 5 minutes, I went back to the care home, and it was never mentioned again.
Mothers Day, I gave stepmum a card. She ripped it up in my face and said "what do I want this for?! Your not my kid!"
Lordamighty why do they live the majority of their lives "dying"? Personally I can't think of anything more miserable!
The holidays I had spoilt from phone calls saying one or other of them wouldn't make it through the night! I ended up blocking their landline, mobile all their neighbours' phone numbers to prevent this.
Crinkle77 no she's always been like that. If it's not about her she'll find a way to make it about her.
AAAaaaand the most common : "You're remembering things wrong" , "You're not making sense" - massive gaslighting all the time. Anything he's ever done wrong deflecting and turning it around on me, smokescreens so no-one ever looks directly at the awful things he's done.
My ex when I was complaining that he had been abusive to me & DD whilst post partum, (dropping newborn into my lap as he was too impatient for me to get my boob out and she was crying) - telling me that I was very difficult to deal with after the birth of our DD he said any man would have found me difficult. 40 hour labour ending in ventouse, episiotomy which stitches burst a week into recover, losing loads of blood and my ex encouraging me to not get a blood transfusion so we could bring the baby home quicker.
At the breastfeeeding support group where they discovered I'd been feeding DD for 2 weeks in so much pain because she had a 95% tongue tie - he said "Oh, I thought you were just being a wimp"
Another one for "I think it was just you who made me manic, or the relationship because now I'm fine"
"I don't ever want to live in a world where I have to not take drugs at a party, just because my girlfriend has told me not to"
When I said to him after I left with DD "aren't you sad that you've lost your family?" he said "What do you mean.... I haven't lost my family?"
When our couples therapist asked him if he could see why I might feel nervous when he was texting whilst driving considering my friend had just died in a car crash... he said "Yeah well my heart bleeds but what about what SHE'S doing to me...always telling me what to do etc etc'
Him telling people we separated mutually and it was mediated by therapy...when actually I left him because he was physically, verbally and psychologically abusive to me and I realised during couples therapy that he had no empathy, would never take responsibility and would not change.
When separating I said to him that he could easily get help & that some people don't have to just live with these extended hypomanic mood changes he said "And now you're one of them"
Him telling me I was being oversensitive and health and safety gone made when I got upset about him changing DD's nappy on top of the car when she was a newborn, or leaving her carseat with her in it, by the side of his car, on the road side whilst cars going past.
Telling me if it was up to him that DD wouldn't be strapped into a carseat, that it was unecessary...
Telling my Mum when she visited after the birth as she left "Sorry for snapping at you...but it was either you or Nancy that was going to get it".
Telling everyone that I was struggling to accept the end of the relationship and that was why we were having problems co-parenting. Alleging that I was jealous of his new "stable, long term" relationship - this was after they had been together 6 months. In 2 years they have broken multiple times....
Telling me he wanted DD to meet his girlfriend as he thought it'd be really nice for her to see an example of a solid, loving, stable and healthy relationship which I obviously was never going to be able to show her.
My ex telling me just after I'd given birth that he was very tired and that it was okay for me as at I'd been able to sleep between contractions.
imablack that is truly shocking. My DM has also been “dying” since her early 40’s- she is now 95.
Sorry, there are so many, but I’ll just share one more:
“You know what ‘Don’tsay’ I’m actually beginning to think that it’s you that’s actually making me behave like this”
Nah....... you’ve been like this since the day I met you... just didn’t have the self worth to leave...
Ok, so you look up the words ‘vile narcissist’ in the dictionary, there you will find the name of my ex husband..
I told him once I knew exactly what he was up to (shagging about) to which he scoffed at MY madness and proclaimed with great astonishment ‘you seemed to have created this parallel world for me, so that you can use it to get at me with’ errrrr yeah, course..... 🙄🤔
It was an Oscar winning performance I have to give him that.... I’ll never stop laughing about it until the day I die.... 😂😂😂
imablack do you think that maybe she just couldn't face watching her son for or has she always been that awful?
My lovely brother died in October very rapidly after a terminal cancer diagnosis in May. It was very traumatic and he literally wasted away before our eyes. He lived 3 hours drive away from me & I went up and down the M6 frequently to see him and support SIL.
Our Narc mother when asked if she wanted to go to see him "Oh no I think I'll save my strength for the funeral".
A couple of days after he died she phoned me and had got herself admitted to hospital again (she's been dying since she was 49 - now 77!) and phoned me. I asked why she was in hospital and she said "Oh they want to build me up - I'm very thin like DB was just before he died"
She hadn't seen him for over a year at which point he was well.
When I asked him why he'd sprung a request for joint custody of our children onto me during the first divorce hearing, he denied it, in front of the mediator we were both seeing at the time, and added that my lawyer was lying, his lawyer was lying and the judge was lying too.
He, of course, was telling the truth!
"The thing is that my brain works so much quicker than yours so I know what you're going to say before you've even finished your sentence so there's really no need for you to say the whole thing" - my ex.
"He didn't put her in any REAL danger darling !" - my ex's enabling Mother/MotherWife when I asked her if she thought it was ok for him to leave our 1 year old DD in the bath alone.
"The thing is... it's just like in the playground when a girl goes neh neh neh neh neh over and over to a boy and then the then the boy thumps the girl and suddenly it's all the boys fault!" - same enabling ex MIL the day after her son physically abused me and I told her about it.
That's shocking notoast. Best wishes for your future, hope things go well for you,
When I met ex-DP he pretended that he was working freelance as a legit consultant, experienced in the field, paying taxes, supporting himself etc.
It turns out that he's never properly worked at that thing and doesn't have enough experience to get a job in that area. He also has never worked in any permanent position and clearly has no intention of ever getting a job.
Anyhow, he only told me he wasn't working when I was pregnant, my anticipated future fell apart in front of me.
When I asked him why he lied, his first response was 'Well, I couldn't tell you, it was a deal breaker, you wouldn't have gone out with me'.
His line now is that 'You were going out with me long enough, you should have worked it out for yourself'. We lived apart, every time we met or talked on the phone he was full of how he'd been working for his clients etc.
Still not a penny of maintenance from him and I'll most likely be fairly fucked financially for the rest of my life. I imagine his present girlfriend thinks he's paying me tonnes of maintenance and that's why he doesn't have much disposable income.
Sorry, crinkle, no go. But promise that the conversation happened. To this day I wonder what on earth he did that was so special
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