Dating thread 44

[lubeybooby]

Here we go - all dating chat here!

[lubeybooby]

oww you have absolutely done the right thing.

bugger waiting for him if it's upsetting you dragging it out. give it a little more time maybe but don't wait all day if you don't want to.

[ike1]

Thanks Lubes, oh I agree OWW....I would have sent a text saying sorry, shit day, will be useless...have to meet oblivion< or something>..... and then I would go off radar for the night. Not nice, not good, but you wouldnt find me on fb

[ike1]

Oh no that sounds like it might top myself...certainly not....but you can see how these things could be misinterpreted??

[OhWesternWind]

Thanks lubey.

There's a huge part of me saying don't upset him, apologise, phone him up, cheer him up, make him like you again, panic panic. All conditioning from my ex I know. I find it quite hard to ignore all this shit going on in my head.

I might get in touch and ask him to come round, better to talk than fester?

[OhWesternWind]

Yep if he'd have sent that text Ike it'd be ok. Not great but I could have understood it. But there was just nothing. That's the real problem, plus it wasn't a normal date, I'd asked him over specifically because I'm feeling so low.

[lubeybooby]

Yes that's my thinking on it oww - better to talk than fester, sod waiting or who texted who last and all that.

[ike1]

Ok offer tht OWW but he may not be in any condition to actually take on board what it all means..

[mercury7]

this thread is making me feel out of breath

[AndLibbyMakesThree]

I totally get that OWW - I hate waiting for someone to contact me, it makes me really anxious. Like you say, things just fester, which is awful, and I'd rather sort them out.

[lubeybooby]

Where are all these men coming from at the moment?

I have another RL one! :o

Er, you know my Scotland trip? And that I wanted some company while up there in a lovely room and all that...

A distant sort of colleague of mine who I met before once briefly is also going for the same event.

I just asked him out. He said yes. He's only 24 [fans self]

I am meant to have a coffee date today with the carpenter off PoF... I feel like shite though headachey and full of cold so going to have to cancel. damn it.

[Snapespeare]

'There's a huge part of me saying don't upset him, apologise, phone him up, cheer him up, make him like you again, panic panic.'

this is NOT going to happen, right?

I think your text was very good oww I think you've said what you have to say and the ball is absolutely in his court. You've been perfectly plain and if he doesn't 'man-up' (dislike that phrase as a feminist, but you get what i mean) then he isn't worth your continued effort.

[Bant]

OWW - it was a good text, I can see why you're pissed off especially given that he dropped off the radar like that.

But - people can have a tendency to think the whole world is against them when stuff like this happens - and he's probably no exception. I think you were remarkably diplomatic in your text but if he feels like the world is collapsing on him then he may have read your text, thought 'oh shit, I fucked that up too' and then start thinking you're dumping him. The text does NOT read like that but people make strange decisions when under stress - the tendency to self destruct becoming a vicious circle - so if you were to remind him the ball is in his court - just that and only that, then that would make sense to me.

On other news, I decided to try OKC in Budapest. Chatting to some interesting people, although mostly Romanians for some reason. Got chatting to a lovely Belarusian girl the other night at an Expat do in Budapest. She was lovely. Far too young for me, they were mostly students there, but very lovely indeed. And funny.

Unfortunately I was in that situation where she had a complex Belarussian name, it was very very noisy, I didn't quite catch it, and she was looking after a mate who was having a shitty time, so we didn't exchange numbers or anything, and I can't find her on the Facebook group as there were 200 or so people there.

Ah well. Sheeps that pass in the night and all that

[VelvetSpoon]

Western, I'm really disappointed on your behalf that he hasn't already been in contact.

I think if you want to call him, then you should. But not to apologise/cheer him up though.

[OhWesternWind]

Have called, he's not answering.

Had enough.

[OhWesternWind]

He's sent a text to say I was right in what I said last night. That's it.

[lubeybooby]

Oh how shit. OWW I'm so sorry this is happening.

FFS Lm come on... step up man!

[Snapespeare]

really sorry to hear that oww I wouldn't entirely write him off yet as he might possibly redeem himself (possibly a hangover-head and that's not the best kind of head for dealing with emotional issues i find) but i think you've made your position clear and instigated contact. I would now consider the ball even more firmly in his court than it previously was.

what are your plans for the weekend? please find things to do and/or friends to be with. keep busy and distract and don't contact again i think.

[ike1]

Leave it now OWW...the guy has obvs well and truely retreated...seen this happen many, many times v v v irritating...

[MirandaWest]

OWW we could all try second guessing what's going on but the only real way you're going to know Is by talking to him. I agree with Velvet that there's no way you should apologise or try and cheer him up. Did he text before or after you tried calling?

Am I allowed to do some even though they will show I am not a true viper of Mumsnet?

[JulietteMontague]

Western your text was spot on. Eat something, have a , get out the box set for now. You have nothing to 'make up' to him for, nothing to apologise for, even your text was polite. You did the right thing. He will not run because you have spoken up, if anything he should respect you for it. I know it's scary, but what we can see that you won't be able to right now is that you are not the woman who has to appease anymore, you have the right to speak up for yourself.

Agree with Snape, the ball is in his court and if he can't sort himself out then he does not deserve you.

Lubey if I believed in planetary alignment and all that..

[Snapespeare]

cross post OWW. I'm very sorry. i know it isn't necessarily helpful, but I do admire you for saying what you wanted and what you felt was wrong with the relationship and for being resolute and not settling for crumbs from him. you've been absolutely true to what you want and that is very strong of you. bunch of 's.

[lubeybooby]

OWW what snape said, you've handled this brilliantly in the face of such a shit time too. You are brilliant and you are absolutely worthy of far better treatment. So keep holding out (as you already are) til you get it. I really admire you.

[JulietteMontague]

Crossed posts OWW. Leave him to it, you don't need any of this.

[OhWesternWind]

He texted after I'd tried calling. Not going to reply. But at least he seems to get the point. No idea where things will go from here but I really can't be arsed with him/it today or tomorrow. He can sit and fester and think about how crap he's been.

I look like shit, too shit even to go to tesco for emergency chocolate. Staying indoors is where it's at today.

Got some great news though - dd has got her grammar school place confirmed for next year. Yay!!

[lubeybooby]

Juliette I have no idea what's going on, but I like it! Having a very slightly flity email convo now with Mr S (Scotland nice young man as mentioned earlier)