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AIBU to ask for relationships advice here?

(18 Posts)
Helenluvsrob Fri 11-Mar-16 18:38:04

Gosh. Umm. Sneaking in on my sons tablet whilst my husband does bath time. I don't think he'd like me " washing my dirty linen in public" and I can't remember what I've done with my phone and laptop.

I can't remember lots of things now ... Must be being 7 month pregnant.. I can't drive ... Well I had an accident ... I seem to be falling out with all my friends and even my own mother wants to take over my life. My own 5yr old son seems to hate me too

My husband is lovely and his mother has moved in. I should be feeling loved up and supported in my choice of a home birth but I just feel tense and upset all the time. It's horrible and I have no idea why.

I heard mumsnet is lovely. Can you help me feel better ? I don't know when I'll be able to check replies though.

Marchate Fri 11-Mar-16 19:55:09

Helen, flee! Phone Tom. Take Henry

lljkk Fri 11-Mar-16 19:56:04

Oh Hell, just .... just... just..... LTFB!!!!!!! wink

GruntledOne Fri 11-Mar-16 20:21:17

Please leave the bastard, Helen, you can't stay with someone who hits you.

Shallishanti Fri 11-Mar-16 20:24:03

'when someone show you who they really are, believe them'

Travelledtheworld Fri 11-Mar-16 22:50:41

Have you tried talking to your brother ? Really talking to him ?

BlackeyedSusan Fri 11-Mar-16 23:23:57

you are not allowed to wear what you want.
you are not allowed to meet your friends he is isolating you from them. he is trying to isolate you from your parents.
you are not allowed to spend what you want.
your child is being turned against you. he plans to send him away to school
you are not allowed to go out without him.
he tells you one thing then denies it. this has happened more than once. he is gaslighting you to make you feel confused and think you are ill.
He always wants what is best for him and tricks you into thinking it is for your benefit but you are beginning to feel stifled by this. listen to yourself. he is controlling you.
he is persuading you to do things that you would not normally do. would you really support large scale indoor farming of cows? or hunting, or watch rugby before. remember when you did not like these things?
remember that you iused to be able to run a shop and small scale manufacturing business without having to ask his opinion about the details. did you used to make mistakes with ordering then?
he says unkind things that he knows will hurt you. what he said about henry is unforgiveable.
he forced you to have sex remember? you told him you were not ready for another child yet but you had unprotected sex with him anyway when you were not ready for that.
he has hit you.

he will make it your fault and all about him. it is not your fault. you are not to blame.

talk to your brother. he is beginning to see your not so d h for what he is.
listen to your friend kirsty. she can see him for what he is. she can see how much you have changed.

time to change your user name to helen left rob!

Kr1stina Sat 12-Mar-16 00:17:28

Please have my first one ever - LTB

MrsWembley Sat 12-Mar-16 01:38:12

Wash away, you poor love, wash away, and just keep asking until you learn what's normal again.

Kr1stina Sat 12-Mar-16 07:51:34

How are you doing this morning Helen ? Do you have a mark on your face where your husband hit you ? you really need to tell someone today .

What about Kirsty or your brother ? could you go and see them and tell them what's happened?

This is not your fault . You are not going mad . You are a good mother to Henry and you will be a good mother to your baby .

lljkk Sat 12-Mar-16 08:44:55

Did you actually try to hit him? I don't believe physical violence is end of the world (shock gasp horror). I wondered if you were raising your hand first, and if you fully meant to use it. Maybe you're both as bad as each other, deep down. Poor kids, though. sad

Helenluvsrob Sat 12-Mar-16 09:08:25

Gosh Susan I don't know , it made me cry and cry to read that. You seem to put it very harshly. I'm sure there is something not right with me that's making him like this. I know he loves me to bits really.

I do have a red mark on my cheek and it's sore. He brought me breakfast in bed so I didn't have to see anyone like this. I don't really know what happened. I was trying so hard to explain how I felt but I just felt , well dismissed then ... Bang ....

He's taken ds out again, I don't know when Henry and I had sone time together , but maybe that's ok as he hates me I think but I miss him so much least he's taken his mother too. If only I could find my wellies I could go out and clear my head. At least he's forgotten to turn the wifi off- he says it's bad for the baby or something, and I have learned how to clear the history on Henry's tablet. I don't know what he'd do uf he thought I was here.

It's odd. I feel like people on here believe me. Thank you

redshoeblueshoe Sat 12-Mar-16 09:40:02

Helen strangely I feel like we have spoken before.

Your H is really not a nice man, in fact there is currently a thread in AIBU all about him.

Everything is all about him.
If you can find your phone take a picture of that mark on your face, and send it to Kirsty, and Tom that's if your MIL hasn't deleted all the numbers
Good luck Hell, you need some flowers

Helenluvsrob Sat 12-Mar-16 09:49:53

Redshoes how can I do that? They'd never believe me. Mum probably hates me after I went off on one at her. Tom I dunno. I don't think he likes rob and I don't know why.

Anyway I have done that thing in the mirror and sent the picture to my drop box but it was provably my fault.

I'll check back at bedtime. Not sure when they'll be back and I'd better find some make up.

lljkk Sat 12-Mar-16 09:54:52

What about your lovely mother-in-law, Hell? She's so thoughtful, cleaning your house, fetching your son from school, helping to settle the ruffled feathers. Doesn't she cook, too? Maybe you should confide in her. You must like her a lot or you would have kicked her arse out by now.

Maybe she'll move in forever & become a permanent part of village life.

redshoeblueshoe Sat 12-Mar-16 12:28:16

You must be exhausted after leaving the house this week.
Maybe you should ask the midwife about vitamin D deficiency, I imagine you must be very pale if you never leave the house.

Are you excited about the baby ? Have you bought him anything ?
I'm sure Rob would allow you to knit some booties if you can be trusted with pointy needles

Rob is very kindly looking at naice schools for Henry, this are great ones where he can sleep over.
I'm sure he won't be bothered, after all he managed to open his Christmas presents without you, and of course he had such fun on Mother's Day.

We all know Helen, just ask yourself

Who is the most important person in your relationship ?

I'll give you a clue, its not you, its not Henry, and its not your new baby

Kr1stina Sat 12-Mar-16 16:23:05

Kirsty and Tom will believe you . Please tell them .

Or tell your midwife . Can you speak to her alone or is your husband always with you ?

if your husband is in the room with you , tell the midwife that you are worried about a lump in your breast and ask her to examine you .

She will either ask your husband to leave the room or take you behind a screen to undress

If you go go behind a screen to change and he's still in the room , take a piece of paper with you which says

" my husband hits me, I am scared "

and hide it in your bra. Give it to the MW when she comes behind the screen

She will send your husband outside so you can talk to her alone .

When your husband asks about the lump , just say it was nothing to worry about, lumpy breast are usual in pregnancy .

BlackeyedSusan Sat 12-Mar-16 20:02:58

some hospitals have stickers you can stick to your notes too. they are in the ladies loos. they have little cards with numbers you can call on them too.

remember violence towards you is never your fault and there is no excuse. you did not cause it.

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