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Aarrgghh. Third time DS has come out of school in shitty pants!

(178 Posts)
Kyrptonite Tue 24-Sep-13 16:21:33

Please tell me if I'm over reacting as I had a baby 2 weeks ago and my brain hasn't fully returned to full capacity.

I've posted before about DS (4) and his toileting issues. He had been doing so much better lately and then today for the third time since starting school came out covered in shit. I could smell him as soon as I picked him up. When I asked him why he hadn't asked someone to help him (teacher and 2 TAs in class) he said something about missing playtime or losing golden time if he's naughty.

I'm not brave enough for AIBU but WIBU to compose an email to school asking what they are doing to support him and why no one noticed? He bloody stank and had obviously been like it a while.

I had a meeting before he started where I explained he has a problem. I let the teacher know last week he was on medication and may have an accident.

I don't want him to be bullied. He's waiting for a paediatrician referral for suspected encopresis. He's managed the toilet 4 times last week and I really thought we were getting somewhere.

sparkle12mar08 Tue 24-Sep-13 16:40:17

I had something very similar with my ds1 in YR and Y1 (and still occasionally now in Y3!). Technically speaking, it's not the school's job to assist him with toileting, but given that there are medical issues most schools with make sure one of the TA's is available to help if needs be. The problem we had was that ds1 would often deny he'd pooed, and they can't force them to drop their pants to check. He was mistaken in thinking he'd be in trouble but he just didn't want to admit it. Is something similar happening with your ds perhaps? Don't go straight in to email, have a quick word with the teacher after school tomorrow or ask if you can speak to her in the morning. See if you can find out what's happening first. It may be that you need to follow up with a letter or email, but give it a try in person first.

Kyrptonite Tue 24-Sep-13 16:41:54

We don't get a chance to talk to the teacher in the mornings really. I'm just so bloody frustrated right now!

CecilyP Tue 24-Sep-13 17:29:16

Rather than an email, I think you should definitely go in to speak to someone. If your DS has a medical problem, things really can't be allowed to go on like this.

AcrylicPlexiglass Tue 24-Sep-13 17:50:03

Oh dear. How upsetting. I agree you need to meet face to face with the teacher. You all need to be absolutely clear what is the procedure if there's an accident. I'm not sure whose responsibility poo is in a mainstream primary school though. Maybe you also need to speak to the SENCO?

kilmuir Tue 24-Sep-13 18:06:09

Can you go in early and speak to the teacher.

sparkle12mar08 Tue 24-Sep-13 18:23:09

Technically it's the parents responsibility. They can ask you to come in and clean up your child, or collect him, take him home, and bring him back. Thankfully my ds had the most amazing TA in his class in reception and she went well above and beyond the call of duty in cleaning up some horrewndous messes on a couple of occasions.

clam Tue 24-Sep-13 18:33:05

If there are two TAs in the class, it may well be that one of them is specifically designated for a specific child, which means that she will not be available to help others in the same way a "normal" TA might be.

Kyrptonite Tue 24-Sep-13 18:33:17

They technically can't insist I come in and change him as it's against the equality act and also technically neglect if they leave him in it.

I could try and go in early to speak to the teacher but they don't open the doors until its time to go in and I would hate for the other children to hear me saying DS shits himself. I have no idea who the senco is. It's a tiny school with 3 teachers, a head teacher and a receptionist so no one free to talk to me in the mornings.

Regards Tue 24-Sep-13 18:34:03

Your child has a right to an education. If he has a special need the LA has a responsibility to make provision for this. The school also has a uty of Care.

This gives some info.

Regards Tue 24-Sep-13 18:35:24

^Duty of Care

Regards Tue 24-Sep-13 18:36:11

I'd write them a letter. If no action is taken contact the LA.

Kyrptonite Tue 24-Sep-13 18:36:45

I have a draft email in which I've asked to see their continence policy. And referenced the unique child as per the EYFS. I've held off on sending it though as I don't want to be 'that' parent!

Regards Tue 24-Sep-13 18:39:48

Sometimes you just have to be that parent. Its better that and it gets sorted than not. Also, I think other children and their parents will be affected by any lack in this area. The school needs to improve their procedures. There does seem to be a common myth going around that this is not the school's responsibility.

sparkle12mar08 Tue 24-Sep-13 18:42:20

They can insist you come in if there are no medical issues and no care plan, IEP, statement etc in place. If it's just an accident you can be asked to come. However given that there are medical issues you have that on your side. However what they can't do is force your ds to take his trousers off or his pants down in order for them to help him, if he refuses to try himself and has already pulled his clothes back up/on. In that scenario they'd pretty much have to call you to do it.

sparkle12mar08 Tue 24-Sep-13 18:43:34

And believe me, I've been 'that' parent on a number of issues with school on occasion! Which is probably why they Head avoids me now!

Regards Tue 24-Sep-13 18:45:04

There is emergency funding available to schools whilst a Statement is being applied for. They still do have a Duty of Care. Your DS should have a care plan for this. You may need to contact SENCO and school nurse.

BarbarianMum Tue 24-Sep-13 18:47:07

<<Technically it's the parents responsibility. They can ask you to come in and clean up your child, or collect him, take him home, and bring him back. >>

That's simply not true. They have a duty of care and in a 4 year old cleaning them up after an accident is pretty standard practice. Go in and talk to them. My ds2 had this problem periodically through reception (scared of school toilets) and the staff were always lovely about it even though it must have been yuck frustrating for them.

Kyrptonite Tue 24-Sep-13 18:50:37

If I post the draft email could someone help me word it less stroppily please? I think an email might be better than face to face as i then have a record of having sent it if they refuse to do anything.

louby44 Tue 24-Sep-13 18:50:53

Go in ten minutes before school starts. This is YOUR child and it's not nice to be sat in pooh all day (or for other people to be smelling it).

I'm a Reception teacher and mum to 2 boys. One is in Year 6 and still gets pooh marks in his pants, he's 10!!! Boys are often lazy and not very good at wiping themselves - my son is always in too much of a rush.

I had a boy a couple of years ago in my class who had a medical problem and had medication that made him 'go' a lot. Mum wrote a letter giving permission for us to change him, provided us with baby wipes, nappy sacks and tons of clean pants.

You need to communicate with the class teacher please. Teacher's can't do anything if you don't TALK to them about issues you have.

BarbarianMum Tue 24-Sep-13 18:51:57

OK so talk to them first then follow up with an email confirming what was said/agreed.

JumpingJetFlash Tue 24-Sep-13 18:52:09

Could you phone and make an early morning appointment rather than turn up at the door - as a teacher I would always try and accommodate that. Start of the day is never good - it's hard for the teacher as she/ he is trying to get class settled and it's hard for you as you don't want people to overhear your conversation. Hope you get it sorted x

louby44 Tue 24-Sep-13 18:52:40

Please don't send an email. Communicate with them face to face. We are human beings too!

Kyrptonite Tue 24-Sep-13 18:53:53

I physically cannot get in ten mins early as they make everyone wait outside the school until someone comes to open the main door. I also thought that maybe if I write it down then the school can discuss what to do and get back to me rather than saying something in the morning rush that they cannot actually implement.

Regards Tue 24-Sep-13 18:54:23

Do you know an email will be read? Our class teachers are notorious for not responding to emails. You could email head teacher and the office, but I would follow up with a phone call.

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