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Feel like I'm too fat to be pregnant :(

(17 Posts)
chocchips Wed 11-Jun-14 15:45:38

Hi everyone.

So I am pg with my 2nd child. With my first I was overweight with a BMI of 37 but had a textbook perfect pregnancy with low blood pressure, blood sugar etc and a small baby, natural birth no issues etc and everything was hunky dory.

Fast forward 2 years and I have since suffered anxiety and depression, mostly directed towards my health. I have become a hypochondriac which is mental torture some days. I have gained a weight since I had my dd, but I didn't think it was that much, and have recently started a diet. However, I have weighed myself today and my BMI is apparently 45 which has just knocked me for six.

I am so upset and disgusted with myself , I have beat myself up all day about this. I have done a lot of research the past few days and theres a lot of scary articles about how maternal death and infant death is linked to obesity, how overweight women have a much bigger chance of dying during pregnancy etc, developing DVTs (which is one of my massive hypochondriac fears).

I am terrified I am going to die during this pregnancy because of my weight that I am considering not going ahead with the pregnancy. I am losing sleep and every ache or pain I am worrying about a DVT. It has been mental torture so far and another 8 months of this seems unbearable.

Has anybody been very overweight with a positive story. (BMI 40+) Please dont judge me, I judge myself enough blush

rinabean Wed 11-Jun-14 16:01:07

Your main problem is your anxiety. I think you know this. Have you tried online CBT things, they can be helpful for this kind of anxiety (unhelpful thought patterns, like focussing on DVT). Otherwise you can talk to your GP.

Look at the differences between your first pregnancy - which went very well - and now that you can reasonably change. Eat healthful foods, which is important for your baby as well as you. Do you exercise? Continue, or start light exercise. Go to your checkups. These are concrete steps you can take for your health which is a much better thing to focus your mind on right now. Researching is doing you more harm than good - and I know worrying about worrying is difficult too!

DVT is one of my phobias too when I'm bad, I guess because it's invisible so it's easy to fixate on! A practical plan is what helped me most: I will make sure not to sit for too long at a time. Maybe something like that can help you, have a look for CBT worksheets too. Working out your own specific fear and how it's affecting you (and hence how to stop it) can be really helpful.

I'm not judging you, you don't have anything to be ashamed of. I don't have a positive story for you but only because I have not been pregnant. Don't be disgusted with yourself! There's nothing disgusting about you.

SqutterNutBaush Wed 11-Jun-14 16:14:04

Hi chocchips, first of all congratulations!

Secondly I've been where you are. In August 2012 I found out I was pregnant with DD and was mortified at my booking in appointment with a BMI of 43 (5ft 4in and 17st 11lbs), because of this I was considered high risk so had to be consultant led.

I spoke with my midwife about controlling weight gain and keeping active whilst they don't advise dieting you can cut down on the excess calories and generally try to eat healthier. Also going out for walks, swimming or gentle exercise can help.

Like you I was a mess thinking about the complications that could come about through my own greed and lack of self control but after speaking with my midwife I felt like I didn't have to sit around worrying, I could try and help myself and my baby NOW.

I took to eating healthier foods instead of junk (not all the time!) and kept myself active and by the end of my pregnancy (with the exception of SPD and full term sickness) all was fine and I had gained 1lb!

Within 2 weeks I had lost 2 stone and now I've finally managed to get off another through slimming world and I feel great and DD is fine too so don't get yourself down, use your pregnancy as motivation smile

WaffleWiffle Wed 11-Jun-14 16:21:35

Hi OP

Please don't beat yourself up :-(

How many weeks are you? It's just you sound like you are hormonal so I wondered if you are early pregnancy? You may start feeling better into the 2nd trimester.

I am 26 weeks pregnant with my 4th child and at the start of my pregnancy had a BMI of 39.7 (not weighed myself since).

Now is not the time to worry about your weight. Just chill out, relax an enjoy being pregnant.

LBNM19 Wed 11-Jun-14 18:55:27

Hi my bmi is 33, this has also worried me through this pregnancy and I have also been convinced I'm going to get DVT especially as I will be having a csection.

I have a little boy born in 2012 and suffered from severe anxiety and postnatal depression, I was obsessed with the fact I had DVT. I didn't. I was under a mental health team and put on citalopram and was alot better.

Now I'm 21 weeks pregnant, with baby number 2. I didn't think this would happen to me again but unfortunately it has I have become obsessed with my health, believing I have all different types of cancer. I've been to my doctors on a number of occasions and referred to iapts.

Been put on there waiting list and things are getting worse everyday so much so I'm currently sat in a & e waiting to see a psychstrist because my thoughts are out of control.

I really can relate to you, if you want to chat please message me and try and get done help xx

Laceym1987 Wed 11-Jun-14 19:09:57

Hi hun - no real advice/similar story but I didn't want to read and run. Don't beat yourself up about your BMI or weight and I'm sure your judging yourself more than anyway else would. Please don't think about ending your pregnancy just because of your weight. Can you chat to your MW about any eating plans? X

chocchips Wed 11-Jun-14 19:11:28

Thankyou everyone for your kind words.

I feel disgusted with myself for letting my weight creep up and up til this point, and I could ultimately pay the price with my life.

My first pregnancy I did not suffer anxiety or hypochondria. I wasn't really aware of the risks due to my weight, I was under shared care and only ever saw the consultant once. I never once thought about DVTs and things like that, I was just blissfully unaware.

Now I am an avid googler and I'll be honest it has terrified me. I now know I am a significantly high risk of complications, including death of me and my child. What about my dd, what would she do without a mum? How on earth am I meant to go through with this knowing I could very likely die?

I'm terrified of suffering a DVT, that's my worst fear, sudden death due to a PE. I am just so angry that I've put myself in this position in the first place. I haven't slept in days due to worry over my health and I feel like sobbing all the time.

I am 4-5 weeks, so early. I would love to blame this on my hormones but to be honest, I have been this anxious about my death for over a year. I regularly cried myself to sleep thinking I had a DVT/brain aneurysm/anything else that could kill me. Now I know I'm high risk for my greatest fear, I am worried sick.

LBNM19, I feel for you, genuinely. I had psychiatric help in my worse hypchondria moments and I am better than I was. It's having the risk factors that sends me into a tizz, now I'm just waiting for the sudden collpase of a PE. Horrible. Thank you all for this, needed to get it off my chest!

chocchips Wed 11-Jun-14 19:21:23

Okay I'm sorry that seemed one big pity fest!

I'm just shocked at how high my BMI is. I knew I was a fatty but holy moly I don't even think I look 45 BMI big sad

I don't specifically exercise but I do walk everywhere as I don't drive yet. I admit I'm a salad dodger but I dont eat chocolate, crisps, sweets etc. I suppose fizzy drinks are my weakness but I have cut them completely out for the past week.

I'm trying very hard to be healthy just worried it is too late and I'm doomed!

LBNM19 Wed 11-Jun-14 19:50:49

It is awful having that constant fear, im praying mind gets better after baby is born I think it is hormones.

Everytime I look at my son I'm having thoughts like what will he do without me? He won't understand where I'm gone. He is severely disabilled and I do everything for him. ( he has a genetic condition, diagnoised after birth) he can't walk sit up etc he was in picu for 7 months and diagnoised with a life limiting condition. Through that I was fine, I really do think my hormones are playing a big part.

Just try and eat as healthy as possible and try not to put on to much weight xx that's what I'm doing xx

Laceym1987 Wed 11-Jun-14 20:43:40

I am 5 weeks pregnant and have been bleeding and cramping and even though I've spent all day at the hospital and results were negative because I'm still bleeding I'm still googling to find answers to problems. I honestly think that Google has turned into the evil friend that you just don't want to have. I'm trying to leave google alone. I know it's hard but just try to not keep going to the internet because we're getting too many conflicting answers the only thing that's going to work is seeing your own MW or GP or hospital. I'll be honest I'm terrified that I'm loosing my baby because of what I've read despite the hospital telling me that whilst they can't say whether I have or haven't but to just relax until I have my results. Please leave google alone xx

Laceym1987 Wed 11-Jun-14 20:46:27

Sorry that meant I say the results weren't negative - they still think I may be pregnant

MagpieMama Wed 11-Jun-14 20:53:44

My BMI was 48 at booking with my DS blush
I did develop GD (but I'm on medication that increases the risk of developing diabetes ascit increases blood sugar). I followed a strict low carb diet and ended up losing weight in my 3rd trimester and my weight just before he was born was lower than when I got pregnant. About 2 weeks after he was born I was 5 stone lighter than I had been at booking. He's now a happy and healthy 8 month old.

I hope you can get some help with your anxiety and can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy thanks

chocchips Thu 12-Jun-14 08:48:47

magpie, thank you so much for that. Did they complain at you because of your BMI? I'm worried Bout that too sad

your story sounds fab and I hope manage the same.

Lacey, I hope everything comes out okay thanks

BettyOff Thu 12-Jun-14 09:01:50

Choc, obesity does indeed increase the risk of many pregnancy complications but you need to put it into perspective, is still hugely more likely that everything will be fine than not. If you want the real risks not google search of terror have a look at the RCOG guideline on obesity in pregnancy. There's loads of pregnant people with BMIs like yours or higher and the main thing now is to do everything you can to reduce the risks but don't ruin your pregnancy by worrying yourself into a state smile

As for DVT/PE your BMI puts you Ito a risk group that means you will likely be offered low molecular weight heparin injections to take every day through your pregnancy. These reduce your risk hugely (to lower than that of the background pregnant population) so ask your midwife about your VTE risk assessment and whether you need these.

It's probably also worth seeing the healthy lifestyle midwife who will discuss healthy eating (not dieting) in pregnancy. Many pregnant patients with high BMIs find they loose weight in pregnancy just by eating a healthier diet than normal but keeping up a normal amount of calories. You can decline seeing her if you'd find this patronising or no use but it's an option and can help you reduce your relative risks.

I hope it all goes well for you!

chocchips Thu 12-Jun-14 09:37:08

Thankyou Betty, I'll take a look.

self injecting sounds terrifying for me. Being at a high risk for one of my worst fears is horrible sad. My main concern is getting DVT before I see a midwife. I really am losing a lot of sleep over this.

chocchips Thu 12-Jun-14 10:05:50

Betty off, thank you ever so much for pointing me that way. Definitely feeling more assured!

MagpieMama Thu 12-Jun-14 12:34:03

Choc - The midwives were generally quite nice about it and were very supportive when I was losing weight but eager to make sure I was still eating enough. The consultants were pretty good too. I was never made to feel bad about my weight (apart from by myself!).
The only time I remember being upset was when it came up in my scan notes but it was just written as a fact that it was harder to see because of my BMI, I think it just triggered my guilt.
All worked out well in the end though as I'm sure it will for you! It's good to arm yourself with information but don't just keep feeding the anxiety (easier said than done I know).

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