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Fantastic, fabulous 40+ Mums-to-be! Part 3

(1000 Posts)
eagleray Mon 14-Jan-13 20:38:19

We've run out of space so here's a new thread so we can support each other and talk about the trials, tribulations and utter joy at being pregnant at 40+

All new members welcome smile

ChairmanWow Mon 25-Feb-13 20:21:23

Well we're sorted re the move. Exchanged at 3.30pm after much nagging from me and DH. My PGP is a nightmare tonight from all the packing and cleaning. My wonderful DH said he'd do everything but I felt too guilty. So it's cocodamol and birth ball for me tonight. Much sadness when we went to say tara to our lovely neighbours. We're only moving a mile up the road but will really miss having them next door. They've totally doted on DS so he'll miss playing there (theyve got better toys as well!).

Chummy your SIL sounds utterly charming. She must be a joy to be around. Does your DH say anything to her about her odious behaviour?

somewherebecomingrain Mon 25-Feb-13 20:33:13

well done chairman wow - i've just been there with the SDP after moving house. it's impossible to stand back and do nothing. It basically brought it on and it hasn't gone. So buyers have had a narrow escape then - placenta curtains won't happen. Almost disappointed - but very pleased for you.

badmissm no shame in fancying Daniel Day Lewis - I think I'm developing a mature fascination with him. He's amazing. He's transcendental. Sorry about stupid SIL and MIL - they sound just awful and you deserve better.

Can I ask everyone's views on something?

My lovely, generous MIL has various health problems and has hurt her knee so can't drive. She lives in South London - an hour's drive away for me. I said I'd happily ferry her around to get her prescriptions/attend medical appointments. She said she'd got someone else to do her prescription and didn't want to go to the doctor about her knee because she's about to move up to north london and didn't want to start off something she couldn't finish (MIL logic - she needs to see doctor about her knee). And she said that being heavily pregnant she wouldn't want to ask me. I was like, 'nonsense, all i've got to do is drive you around, i don't have to exert myself physically'. Then she says 'well i'll tell you what you COULD do - it's a bit of a bore - but take me to the hairdresser. you'll have to wait around for two hours but you can go back to the house and have a sleep." (sleep suggestion not wrong - i am a big daytime napper). But I just don't feel I can drive all that way to take her to the hairdresser - and i sort of conveyed this in my tone of voice "errrr... yeah....". Now I feel like a beeyatch.

MrsWooster Mon 25-Feb-13 20:33:26

Hi all Chairman my girl went transverse last week and is now back so don't panic yet - also someone at playskool told me about the weird witchy thing of candle burning to help them turn if necessary (there is a BIT more to it than that...) and apparently it can work so I reckon it's still neck and neck and neck to the line for all three of us.
Chummy we copnceived naturally at 42 and 45, on 4th month each time. Doctors were very nice about it but DEFINITELY taken aback, not least because I am what is euphemistically known as larger and DP has a chequered past as a bit of a caner!
Good luck

scarecrow22 Mon 25-Feb-13 20:34:54

Chummy, quick PS: have lovely friends who had Dd when she 39 and he 59; now trying for second at 41&52. They met late an feel well, and as Chairman wisely says you never know what is around the corner. I sometimes get concerned about energy and fitness, but is the most motivating (an healthiest) reason I can think of to look after yourself. Plus my little sister started having kids in 20s, had three in under 3 yrs (shock but mostly gringringrin) and left disabled since - until last summer she couldn't even go upstairs to their rooms to kiss them goodnight an tuck in, let alone join in on sports day. She is still a wonderful hands-on, much loved an fun mum, and they are happy, well adjusted and active children (barring all the usual random anxieties and mixed abilities all children have) - and arguably a bit nicer or having not been totally indulged! I do not pretend it is easy, and her husband deserves a UN medal he is so supportive and busy, but they have many good times and wonderful children.

scarecrow22 Mon 25-Feb-13 20:35:33

He was 50, now 52. Oops!

scarecrow22 Mon 25-Feb-13 20:48:49

Chairman - so thrilled. Boo to them being so slow (conveyancing next big national scam - we paid 109s and I found SIX mistakes in contract, including spelling if my name an the address... Please please do not feel guilty about looking after your pelvis. See my previous post for sure warning of ignoring SPD (not saying will happen to you, but might take longer to recover post birth and DH will not be thanking you then - stern face!)

BadMiss - your extended family make me feel a bit choked with a mix of sadness for you, anger and almost pity for what be their rather joyless lives. By contrast your DH sounds a national treasure. What I can't understand is your Dd and DH sound so lovely that you must be lovely too, and a good mum and wife - so apart from jealousy cannot comprehend motives.

Somewhere - I would take her to hairdresser. It might not appeal to you but would prob mean more to her than many other offers and if she is in pain and struggling to move then might be a real lift for her. Also she doesn't spin like a woman who asks easily so would be a shame if you choked off that trust you built up. Hope I'm not misjudging or misunderstanding.

As for judgey-pants people, I guess being a Guardian reader has made it more likely I hang out with reasonably open-minded free-thinking people, plus given me either a think skin or a smug imperviousness wink to what others think. We are quite bourgois among our friends for being married: we have several friends single parents by choice/accident, with children of all ages an none, an so on. Although we prob among the last nobody seems anything but thrilled for us - or pitying smile So, like it or love it, reading the Guardian has some benefits!!

notsoold Mon 25-Feb-13 20:56:40

Yesterday I started having cramps about 6pm....not so painful as periods cramps but only on my right side.
No other symptoms and otherwise well...
I went to epu today and because I am 6+2 they dod some blood tests and told me to come home. They thought that at 6+2 a heartbeat might not showed in a scan and I would stress even more...
The epu phoned tonight and told me to book a scan tomorrow and that the hcg result was 5163...
Should I be worried???
Can it be ectopic with that result??
Ps I am 41..

scarecrow22 Mon 25-Feb-13 21:09:53

NotSoOld - sorry for worry. I do not know enough (anything) about counts etc, but many more experienced ladies will be along soon who will have advice. Plus out tame Midwife on the thread. Hope you get reassurance soon, and glad hospital taking care of you x

knickyknocks Tue 26-Feb-13 12:19:29

notsoold I wish I could answer your worries. I just don't know about HCG results. Hopefully someone else on here may be able to help? I would say I went along to the EPU and they found a heartbeat at just under 7 weeks with this pregnancy. I have my fingers crossed for you at your scan. I had lots of cramping feelings in both my pregnancy with DD and this pregnancy - so I don't think cramps necessarily means negative news. I really do hope that you get positive news today.
Mrs W marvellous stuff - neck and neck and neck grin. Looks like it could be a photo finish (I do hope not though - DH is under strict instructions to NOT start taking photos down at the business end......)
chummy this pregnancy was naturally conceived. I did take some supplements and DH did reduce (and almost stopped) his alcohol and coffee intake. No idea if that made a difference or not. DH is 41 and I'm 40.
chairman ber-luddy hell. Those buyers of yours!!! Thank god you exchanged yesterday. No doubt up to your neck today in hobnobs, kettles and boxes. I hope it all goes well today. Feet up please as soon as you can. BTW I read throught the AIBU thread about formula feeding at night. I was left aghast at some of the views....thought you were right on smile. FWIW I tried to BF DD but she went into special care for the first 4 days of her life, so was given bottles of expressed milk. Try as I might to get her to latch on, with bleeding nipples, it just didn't work. FF saved my sanity albeit with a dollop of guilt with no thanks to a very pro-BF health visitor who was assigned to me. This time round I'm determined not to feel the guilt if things don't work out.
somewhere oh god you sound like me! It's the sort of thing which would happen to me too. I think scarecrow is right, MIL sounds just lovely, and you may now feel dreadful if you don't do it......but understand your reservation. But on the upside, aswell as doing a good turn, you get to have a wonderful uninterrupted nap smile.
badmissm your SIL sounds absolutely dreadful. I sometimes feel sad that i don't have much in the way of family, but it sounds as if I'm better off out of it with your situation. What does DH say about his sister?

knickyknocks Tue 26-Feb-13 12:21:34

PS Just watching This Morning and they've got scones with jam and cream as made by Mary Berry. I fear if I was in that studio I would be pushing the presenters out of the way screaming 'Pregnant woman coming through' and heading face first into the whole plate full. Or maybe that's just my hormones speaking?? grin

ChairmanWow Tue 26-Feb-13 15:02:06

Feet up please as soon as you can. Right you are boss! Though it would have been nice if they'd cleaned. The new house is filthy. And needs so much work! But loads more space to clean for DS to run around in. It is difficult leaving the house you've made perfect to move into somewhere that needs doing up but it'll be lovely with some TLC. Am so knackered though!

Notsoold my first pregnancy was a suspected ectopic (it wasn't as it turned out) which I miscarried. My HCG at 6 weeks was way less than yours. It's awful having to wait. We had several scans and HCG checks before it ended. Hopefully you'll seeing a lovely heartbeat soon.

Knicky and MrsW she had the hiccups earlier and I felt them in the bottom of my bump so I'm pretty sure she's head down again. Maybe the stress of the move will nudge me ahead, heh heh heh!

scarecrow22 Tue 26-Feb-13 16:53:41

Just to be clear, is the sweepstake for predicting correct order or being first?! I think should be forecasting the order as whomever of you 3 chomps more pineapple while Googling Daniel in his swimming trunks gets to meet LO first anyhow smile

Been signed off work with exhaustion. Was dressed and ready (ish) to go in but as soon as GP said I think you are exhausted I started crying; then she gave me a hug and said you need to go to bed and be looked after and now I am hardly able to find energy to listen to radio or type. But hopefully this is just what is needed and will help begin wind down.

Will lurk in lounge tonight but might avoid talking too much.

ChairmanWow Tue 26-Feb-13 19:21:25

Sorry you're so tired scarecrow. Your GP sounds lovely though. Free hugs on the NHS. Take it easy and forget work. And do lots of snoozing and very little else. Growing a baby is work enough thanks.

knicky that thread is still going and is still as bonkers. There was some horrible stuff on there. I'm sorry your daughter had a difficult start in life. Hopefully this one will be straight out kicking and screaming and onto the boob! I had such a horrible time when I couldn't BF, and I live in a poncey middle class area where FF is massively frowned upon. I've had stares, tuts and a couple of comments. Just so awful when you're already heartbroken at not being able to do BF. I'm not confident this time either. My breasts are showing no signs of becoming ready. Will just have to try and be less affected by the sanctimonious twats next time. Although I got pretty riled on that thread. I can't believe the level of hysteria over this! So out of proportion.

So, great start to life in the new house. DS fell halfway down the stairs! Thankfully DH reacted my my hysterical screams and ran and scooped him up. He seems fine. In fact he's been running round and round really excitedly so he doesn't seem to have been as affected by it as we were. First job of the morning - stair gates up!

BadMissM Tue 26-Feb-13 19:55:53

I love DH dearly, but he has only just started making dinner, and I told him I was starving an hour ago. I can't even snack because of the pg diabetes! I'm soooooooo damn hungry!!!

And now there's a sodding cookery programme on TV to make me even hungrier!

scarecrow Daniel Day-Lewis has lasted well, I think! Would just like some kind of normal family on one side or another!

I'd take the MIL to the hairdresser if I were you... if that's what she wants you to help with.

Mrs W What witchy thing to turn transverse babies? (Just curious).

I guess I would be considered pretty unhealthy to conceive (smoking, etc), though have given up now, and DH smokes and drinks and drinks coffee with gay abandon!

scarecrow Your poor sister! It does show that things can happen to you at any age. I've had developing health concerns over the last seven years, I never expected those....

I think you can't choose family, but has been difficult as DH's ex having made sure our families didn't like us, has been making sure we have no friends either... trying to 'punish' us by isolation basically. We can't afford to move, and with the Tribunal going on, it's impossible. Most of the friends I have left are at the other end of the country. I don't know what she gets out of it, she's got a new bf (for over 2 years) but still she goes on....

I second you on the Guardian-reading!

notsoold Have had some cramps with DD and this time...

knicky Sometimes wish we were both orphans, might make life easier smile

Could murder somebody for a scone right now.... (starving)

Sorry to hear you are so tired, but so hard to avoid in late pregnancy, it's what got me signed off with DD too...many hugs, and enjoy your snuggling!

ChairmanWow I know what you mean, the amount of times I've moved and had to deep-clean before unpacking. EEEEEEW! But at least the move is done!

Notsoold Had an ectopic years ago...had a lot of pain, not cramps, but one-sided pain. Also bled continuously.

Scarecrow Now have a vision of you all feasting on pineapple whilst furiously Googling gorgeous men!

ChairmanWow Some of those AIBU threads are damn scary, and I'm not that easily cowed! I had no help with BF with DD, they were useless, my mother was no help, but god knows how, she latched on somehow. I wasn't too precious though, and mixed BF and FF when I needed to. Sod everyone else. People get an idea in their head and it becomes like some kind of health nazism. That's their problem, it's what's right for you.

Eep to DS for the stairs, but glad he's OK!

Me.... not sleeping again, was on phone to equally insomniac French friend at 2am. Grrr, arrgh. Tired tired tired and still sniffy. In imminent danger of eating DH if he doesn't hurry up with dinner! smile

LivingThings Tue 26-Feb-13 20:12:02

I have a 3 & 4 yo thought i was done but really want another one (and that wil mean i have to have 2 more as I think 4 is a good number!) I have got pregnant first try each time so far but will be 44 in June - am i being an idiot here ?? please talk sense in to me .DH has his views and I will obviously take these into aaccount.

ChairmanWow Tue 26-Feb-13 20:44:58

Gosh I'm posting on here like crazy. Am collapsed on the sofa, no telly til next week as last minute move has meant we couldn't arrange for Sky til then. DS will at some point notice the absence of Abney and Teal from his life! Anyway, forgive me if I over-post!

YY to being a fellow Guardian-reader. I'm such a cliche - lefty, vegetarian, cyclist (when not preg), trade unionist, older mum. It's like Guardian bingo! Thankfully too cynical to be a full-on lentil weaver.

MissM your DH's ex sounds like a nightmare. Suspect she's just so obsessed with 'punishing' you that she can't stop, despite having a partner. What must he be thinking? Not sure I'd be too happy about being with someone who is still so bitter. A shitty situation all round by the sounds of it. Hope she gets bored of it soon. Hope your insomnia sods off soon. I'm suffering too and I hate it!

Re the manky house, my brother and sis-in-law said they'd pay for a professional deep clean as a moving in pressie. How fab is that? I'm getting on the phone in the morning to sort it. It really is disgusting - we're talking poo stains in the loo ffs. Some people have no pride! I don't know how they lived like this.

LivingThings I'm thinking your DH isn't necessarily sold on the idea. There's no reason why you shouldn't go for it again if you're up for it. You're a brave woman for thinking of 4! Good luck whatever you and DH decide.

MrsW I'm intrigued by this candle witchy stuff. She keeps moving around. I must have a roomy womb! I don't think Daniel Craig's pants and pineapples are going to help!

iclaudius Tue 26-Feb-13 21:01:31

badmissm - oh i feel your pain.....dp still cooking - am literally FAINT!!!!!!

MrsWooster Tue 26-Feb-13 21:31:36

Breasts are not showing any real signs here either - I am supposed to be hand expressing in order to store milk in case baby needs to be in special care (diabetes thing). Chance would be a fine thing - the websites etc blithely go on about how the 'flow' will start, whereas I aspire to see a literal speck of milk and have once got a bead of milk in a week of trying. I am off to doc to get some domperidone to hopefully start lactation but will have to be advised whether you can use it before actually giving birth...
The witchy thing is, the www tells me, chinese medicine, called Moxibustion, involving burning mugwort candles at certain acupuncture points. Very Harry Potter but there stranger things in our philosophy...etc ( CBA to look up proper quote as have abandoned all pretensions to being a teacher until I have to go back to work!). This website also suggests other techniques for moving recalcitrant offspring, including frozen peas, so mums DO go to Iceland.

somewherebecomingrain Wed 27-Feb-13 07:35:26

Heh heh heh mrs wooster good luck with your very non-national curriculum aproaches to shifting baby wooster.

knicky get those scones in now! Carpe diem! Now is the time! I bf'd and it's overrated IMHO. The actual benefits are
Minimal and you do get sick of it - only person who can do night feeds and eventually you will have a moment when you have to get your boobs put when you REALLY dont want to. Gonna try to mix this time.

scarecrow you poor poor thing! This sounds like a good solution. I hope you can get some deep rest in and when you go back - hopefully after baby - you'll feel so much better. But glad to see you dealt with the important stuff - the sweepstake and Daniel in his panties - before letting us know you were so tired!

chairman wow I agree about the guardian. Dont want to tempt fate as there must be a diversity of political views here but after obama was reelectes i tentatively cheered on this thread - everyone cheered too there were no romney supporters! I have some beloved US cousins who are republican so am cool about 'diversity'/craziness of that type. Keep posting like crazy it's lovely I'm sorta sorry you got here so late in a way.

living things four sounds like insanity to me but some women are made for it. Doing it in your forties - go for it we are the best mums. although two might be a bit ambitious- from the TTC thread it does get harder towards mid 40s but one more really not too much to ask.

badmissm that sounds like me on a normal day! I hope you got the dinner in the end and it was delicious!

AFM I have my c-section booked for 4th April!!! Only five and a bit weeks!
It feels rather soon also as the family pattern is inductions at 41 weeks this will be the earliest baby ever. Just want to stop being pg so I asked if I could have it on dot of 39 weeks and they said yes. I was surprised and am now feeling the final countdown panic a bit.

My dp is loving his job still and had a great conversation with his investor yesterday so he is forgiven for taking six
Months off his company to be an employee. He's really walking tall at the moment - I'm proud (and relieved if anyone remembers what we went through living with my parents no money my dad going nuts at him to get a proper job).


somewherebecomingrain Wed 27-Feb-13 07:47:04

Ps re mil there's shitloada going on - we've just moved house, we've got to move her in with us as shes about to sell her house, I'm doing all the admin - I've reordered all her paperwork and am dealing with the lawyers. Then after the baby I've gotto help her find and buy her new house. BUT sshe's being very generous to us financially and she's gonna cook and clean after the baby comes and otherwise help out.

I think the reason I don't want to do it is time pressure - but theres no other excuse. But going to listen to wisdom of mumsnet.


knickyknocks Wed 27-Feb-13 09:33:11

somewhere you've got a date! Blimey - 5 and a bit weeks! No wonder you're feeling so pressurised with the time you have left now. You sound like you're doing so much and I forget that you have only just moved into your new pad - it's no wonder you feel frustrated about the hairdresser trip. Time will become very precious. I hope you manage to have some 'you' time whatever form that may take - pedicure, reading a book, watching trashy tv. But with 5 and a bit weeks to go, feels like we've been on this journey together for a while now. It's time to get onto the next stage.
scarecrow you poor love. I have been worried about your long hours - it's no wonder you're feeling so exhausted. I'm very pleased the doc has signed you off, which means you are under doctors orders to start taking it easy. I know that's not easy to with a toddler, but at least you haven't got the commute - somehow that makes an enormous difference.
MrsW so it's true that some mums do go to Iceland?? grin. Loving your posts as per usual! Blimey - hand expressing at this stage? My boobs show no sign of anything milk like. I'd struggle with that one. It's the sort of thing aswell that you don't mind doing the expressing when baby is here, but must be very strange to be doing it when there's no baby yet - or is it just me?
chairmanwow I'm with somewhere - sad that you found this thread so late as really enjoy your posts, but v glad you're here! I'm going to have another sneaky peek at AIBU - it's a bit addictive - especially when someone gives an opinion which you think is a load of rubbish - for that reason I'm not sure I dare to look at that thread riled me up so much! BTW love love love the pressie of the deep clean - when we moved into this house it astonished me too how some people leave their property - we found all sorts of crap in the shed and loft. Nothing of any value, but just a PITA for hubby us to get rid of.
livingthings blimey 4?? I'm in awe of people who have more than 2 as I know I couldn't do it, but if that's you and your hubby's hearts desire then what the heck. You'll get loads of useful conception info on the conception 40+ thread. I hope that you get your dream.
badmissm hope you enjoyed that dinner!!

As for the guardian readers - count me in too (blimey that's a lot of us then isn't it??) - albeit only on a Saturday. My bit of me time is to read the whole paper through then attempt the quick crossword. Never found another paper that I like enough to buy - if I was desperate probably the Independant, but nothing else.

Had some strange painful BHs last night - thought I was going to have to ring DH (he's working nights at the mo). They seemed to calm down after an hour or so. When he got home this morning and I told him, he said that he was glad I hadn't called as when he was booking someone he'd arrested, the jailer mistook DH's phone for the prisoner's so when a little while later hubby noticed his phone was missing, it'd been taken apart and placed in an evidence bag safely tucked away in a safe! Have now told him that I need a phone number for his station - can't bear to think of going into labour and getting an unobtainable line - I wouldn't be happy!!

Hope you all have a good day PS cycle are you still there? Hope everything is OK. notsoold still keeping fingers crossed that you have good news.

cyclecamper Wed 27-Feb-13 10:05:05

Knicky Yes, still here. Working this week, so a bit busy. Also have a cold which is annoying when you can't take much for it and what you can take aggravates the heartburn!

livingthings 4 is my favourite number to look after - easier than 3 and loud and fun and busy. I'd have had 4 given half a chance and a husband that didn't go pale at the thought of 2 grin

My lovely sister has been rummaging in the loft and found her pregnancy and nursing bras, which should save me a fortune - I've been in 34E and they are getting too tight (which is also making the heartburn worse) so getting a big pile of 36e and some bigger ones to grow into is fab! (Who would have thought you could be so excited about a box of second hand bras!grin) She also found a monitor and some nice waterproof bags to put used washable nappies in when out and about!

My lovely husband gave me a present last night - a very nice camera! I am so excited! I haven't had a camera since my cheap one died about 4 years ago. He is very interested in photography and when he went on a forum photo day with the cycling forum we are on, I borrowed a friend's one and was very impressed that it took lovely photos, even with my holding it! I didn't know but he'd been waiting for one to come up on ebay for several weeks! He said he thinks I'll want to take photos of the baby, and he's probably right. We don't often buy each other presents at birthdays or Christmas or normal times, so one out of the blue was even more special smile. I think the camera may be cleverer than me though! It can do all sorts of things that I didn't know were possible!

Another lefty Guardian reading stereotype here! Our Saturday always includes the Guardian quiz (which reminds me every week how little I know!).

Waves at everyone else smile

ChairmanWow Wed 27-Feb-13 10:08:12

somewhere you've got a date. Eeek! That must feel so weird. Countdown time. A friend of mine had her second as a c-section. She loved being able to plan everything and prepare her DS. So exciting for you! Us sweepstake mums should all have sprogged too. We'll all be cuddling our babies. How scary brilliant is that! Just need to sort yours and MIL's life out now smile. Take it easy.

I bloody love this thread. You are all so welcoming and lovely and have kept me sane during this hellish house move. Thank you so much. I've been on it this morning - cleaners arriving in half an hour, decorator and plumber coming tomorrow for quotes on living room, dining room and bathroom. Bit weird as we've always DIY'ed but we won't have time or energy.

Knicky That is hilarious and scary! Hope DH managed to reassemble his phone. Deffo need the station number. Am now imagining him getting a call on the radio to say you're in labour whilst he's trying to cuff someone!

I saw notsoold posting on another thread to say it's not ectopic but they haven't seen the fetal pole yet. Fingers crossed the next scan brings good news.

sparklysapphire Wed 27-Feb-13 14:19:17

How exciting to have an actual date somewhere, and those 5 or so weeks are going to fly by, no wonder you're feeling a bit pressured now.

Chairman, I can't believe people would move and leave the house in such a state. I'm not the most domesticated person in the world by a long a way, but it's just rude to not to clean before you move. I hope the deep clean magically transforms it.

Scarecrow, it's good that you've been officially signed off, I hope you can get some rest and de-stress a bit.

Knicky, you definitely need a reliable contact number. My DH works strange hours all over the place so getting hold of him is never guaranteed at the best of times, and there are certain times when he just can't take calls. I completely understand this as I'm in the same line of work, but it can be frustrating.

MrsW, hand expressing now, before even giving birth? I always thought expressing would be a nice thing to do, but I hated it, although I didn't have to do it much when I was off work, I did when I went back until I got so little it wasn't worth it.

MissM, your SIL sounds absolutely horrible. Does your DH get on with her or just tolerate where necessary.

Chummy, if you're still reading, I conceived this baby naturally at 44, I wasn't doing anything (no temping or OPKs), just keeping an eye on the EWCM, so presumably that helped. My cousin fell pregnant by accident at 41, and another friend had a baby naturally at 42. And like knicky says, definitely check out the 40+ TTC thread (and stay here too if you like), everyone on there is really supportive and lovely and welcoming (I'm still hanging out there too).

Lottie, I am definitely 44, despite my Down's odds! My DH agreed to try for another baby, even though he wasn't mad keen on the idea. And then when I told him I was pregnant, he wanted me to terminate and said he couldn't "go through it" again, and I couldn't terminate a healthy pregnancy. He was hoping I'd miscarry or the baby would have Down's. He depressed all through my first pregnancy, again despite having agreed to try, though he and DD have a great bond and adore each other. It took me a long time to be brave enough to even discuss it with him again after last time and I was amazed he agreed to try. And now he's barely speaking to me, and I don't know if he's going to leave or not, as things are not improving. He is refusing any type of counselling - he had it last time and said it was useless, and won't talk to anyone else either, and he's barely speaking to me. So all in all, he's making what should be a happy time really upsetting and miserable and I'm in tears a lot of the time. I really, really don't want to lose him, but I don't know what to do to help him come to terms with it and make it better.

Sorry for the rant.

Another Saturday Guardian reader here, and definitely John Taylor of Duran Duran, though I was more into Spandau Ballet.

For the stats list

Sparklysapphire, 44, 1 DD (4), DC 2 due date 27th August.

Hi to any of you lovely ladies I've missed out.

blueblackdye Wed 27-Feb-13 14:51:12

Sparkly, I m so so so sorry the situation is not improving. Big hugs to you.

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