Miscarriage anxiety - when does it get better?

[mylittlemonkey]

I will be 10 weeks pg with dc 2 on weds following 2 miscarriages in October last year and feb this year. I just find myself consumed with anxiety that things are going to go wrong again. I constantly over analyse how strong my symptoms are and if I have a few hours when I don't feel any symptoms or think they are not as strong I start to panic. I just find it exhausting. I just wish I could go to sleep and wake up in a months time when I am further along and over the 12 week hurdle.

I have been scanned at both 6 and 8 weeks and everything looked fine but this only really comforts me for a day or so as with my first mmc we saw a heartbeat at 6.5 weeks and was then told at 8.5 weeks that the baby must have died just a day or so after the last scan. My second mmc also stopped growing at just past 6 weeks but I did not find out until nearly 11 weeks. I thought I would feel better having got past the 8 weeks scan as that is further than I got with my mmc's but I still grind myself down most days wth worry. I have my 10 week scan on weds and am dreading being given bad news.

I was just wondering if anyone else who has had similar experience and gone on to full term can say at what point the anxiety started to ease off and you felt better and started to enjoy your pregnancy a bit more or should I expect to feel like this until much later on in third trimester.

[iwantbabies]

Sorry I can't answer your question but I'm thinking exactly the same way. I'm so sorry to hear that you've suffered 2 miscarriages in the past. I think it's very reassuring that you've been baby at 8 weeks and all was well.

This is my first pregnancy and my 12 week scan is on Wednesday too. I bled for 2 weeks at the beginning and had two scans - last one at 7 weeks. I go between allowing myself to be slightly excited to feelings of dread. I'm clinging on to the fact that I do have some symptoms and that Ive had no more bleeding or pain. Fingers tightly crossed for us both. Goodluck.

[hugahuddy]

hello there. i completely understand where you are coming from and if i can rant about something that is really annoying me it's people who know i had 2 miscarriages asking me how it's going, i say 'all ok i hope, will wait till scan to know for sure' and they say 'think positive' and then i want to hit them, like that will really have any impact on the outcome and if they had any comprehension what it's like to hear that bad news they would understand it's a self preservation thing to stay a bit realistic.
we had scan at 7 weeks and saw the heartbeat which was amaxing but i thing it's only reassuring while you see the scan! i too am watching symtoms like a mad woman and instead of enjoying the rare times i don't feel nauseous i waste them stressing it's all over and how will i cope. our last mmc was at 11 weeks and just coming up to that now so getting more anxious but hope that if we get to 12 week scan and all OK i might relax a bit.
i think people say that 12 week stage is a good thing so i really hope it will put your mind at rest at that stage, if you need to ask for reassurance then ask, ask for what you need to relax. i'm sure there will be lots of people on here who have been through this and had bouncy happy babies so there definitely is hope!
there are always private scans if you want reassurance at 14 weeks, 16 weeks or whenever you want it. perhaps once you can feel the baby move (not sure when that is), that might be reassuring!

[bonzo77]

There are 2 threads full of ladies like us, can't link as on phone. One is called something like totally terrified pregnant after miscarriage in pregnancy and the other is something like ttc or pregnant after miscarriage mosh pit in conception. Loads of support and info. Join us there.

[Moominsummermadness]

I'm not yet at full term, but am 30+4 after having a MMC last October (went for dating scan at what should have been 13 weeks, but baby had died at just over 7, and we'd seen a heartbeat at 6+4). I also had a very early miscarriage the previous April. I can understand your anxiety, I felt the same earlier in this pregnancy. I felt better after the 12 week scan, and even better after the 20 week scan. I have still felt a bit anxious all the way through, but I would say that I'm feeling a bit more relaxed now that I'm in the 3rd trimester, and the goal is in sight.

All the best, the likelihood is that everything will be fine this time. x

[cupcake78]

It's understandable and very normal. Have had miscarriages at various stages in pregnancies. Each pregnancy was very different, i was sick and spotted with all of them and the anxiety was also very different.

My last pregnancy resulted in ds who is now 4. I took each day as it came and held my breath till I got to 24weeks. Every week after that was a bonus. Ds was 10days late.

It's hard, very hard but small steps helped me.

[nosleepwithworry]

Ahhh there is nothing anyone can say to make you feel less frightened. It ends when you get a definite sign that all is well...they are things to look forward to.

12 week scan,

feeling baby move

20 week scan

In between, its normal to feel so anxious.
I sympathise, every minute of every day is desperate, i get to climbing into bed every night and think, "another day done".

[Moominsummermadness]

I agree with what cupcake and nosleep have said. It is all about taking little steps. What I found helped was breaking the pregnancy down into little milestones, rather than one long 40 weeks, which seemed really daunting. First, the 12 week scan, then feeling the first movement, then the 20 week scan, getting to 24 weeks, to each midwife appointment, etc. They may not be for everyone, but once I got past 12 weeks, I did buy a doppler to give me reassurance between appointments, and before movements were very regular.

[GrandPoohBah]

I had a blighted ovum in Sept last year, and a MMC in Feb of this (diagnosed at 12 wks after seeing a hb at 7).

I'm now 20 weeks pregnant; it happened straight after the ERPC from the MMC. When we found out, it felt like a 'bonus' pregnancy, we hadn't expected for it to happen so quickly so it was almost like a free one. We were scanned at 4, 7 and 9 weeks before the 12wk scan, so we did have extra care throughout.

I'm feeling a lot better about it now I can feel the baby move, which started at about 16 weeks - first with flutters and now I'm getting definite kicks. It's reassuring. The worry isn't gone, we have our anomaly scan next week, but the idea that something has gone majorly wrong without me knowing about it has eased off a bit.

We've even bought some things!

[fengirl1]

I had a mmc which I found v difficult to deal with. (v long story) when I got pregnant again I was v lucky and was able to go and hear the heartbeat (once audible on the Doppler) every week at a local go practice (not even mine but mw was there regularly). I eventually got to the point where I was able to say 'thanks, I don't need to come any more!'

[BountyCack]

Poor you I have been there. Getting past the point at which you miscarried last time is quite a big milestone, but even after that I was anxious I'm afraid (my DC2 is nearly 3, so all ended well!)

It helped me to remind myself that miscarriage is more common than most people realise, and that just because it had happened to me before didn't mean it would again. "This is a NEW pregnancy," my midwife said, and that really helped.

Also - and this is a bit odd - but after spending the first few weeks terrible nervous about it all, I tried to ration my worries a bit and said that I would only allow myself to fret when I went to the loo (that awful moment when you wonder what you might see). Then, if all was well, I would try and take a few deep breaths and put the fear to one side until the next visit. Don't know if that's any good to you, but it helped me.

[Midgetm]

It does get better but for me it took a long time. I am 26 weeks and only really relaxing now. 24 weeks was a big milestone for me, as I knew the medical profession would view the baby as viable. Trying to stay positive does help, as do reassurance scans this is according to professor Regans clinic at st Mary's and they know their shit. Hang in there, take comfort from the stats, the later you see a heartbeat, the better your odds are, and try and not let the days to your next scan drag too much. Easier said than done I know. I think I am now over the worse. I knicker check less and only get really paranoid occasionally. I may even get some stuff for this baby soon..... It does get better, sounds cheesy but take each day at a time and come find the threads full of people who know exactly what you are going through - the Mosh pit has been my salvation.

[dietcokeandwine]

OP so sorry to hear about your miscarriages and it is completely understandable that you are feeling so anxious this time around.

I lost two pregnancies in between DS1 and DS2 (one natural miscarriage, one missed miscarriage) and when I finally fell pregnant with DS2 I was hugely anxious during the first trimester. I am currently 11+weeks pg with DC3 and experiencing this first trimester anxiety all over again even though my last pregnancy was a successful one. I did find that with DS2 I relaxed a little more as each successive week of the second and third trimester went by, I'm hoping this will be the case for me again! I agree with the others who have said that when you start to feel the baby move, that is hugely reassuring, as is the 20 week scan, and every subsequent appointment where you get to hear the heartbeat, etc, etc.

I would have to be honest, though, and say that the day after DS2's delivery (ELCS), I went to the loo for the first time and my heart literally stopped at the blood in the toilet. Of course it was the normal post-birth lochia, but I can remember thinking 'Oh God, oh God, I'm bleeding, what's wrong with the baby'

Then I had to remind myself that I was bleeding because I'd had the (very healthy and beautiful 7.5lb) baby

So I do think you may well find that you slowly start to relax as your pregnancy progresses, but to an extent the 'is this all going to work out OK' worries never actually disappear. It is definitely a case of taking things a day at a time.

[randomimposter]

it's ridiculously hard - I empathise :(

After 3 MMCs and then 2 early MCs after DS1, I'm still anxious from time to time at 28 weeks with DS2. in fact my consultant scanned me 2 weeks ago (think that's the 8th scan this pregnancy) and I still held my breath until he said it was ok... and that was after feeling regular movements that very morning.

So FX you start to relax and enjoy the pregnancy soon.

[MainlyMaynie]

I found it lessened after the point of the previous m/c, 12 week scan, then again after 20 weeks. There is a natal hypnotherapy pregnancy relaxation DVD which really, really helped me.

[footyfan]

I feel for you. I had two mc (at almost exactly the same dates as you). My third pregnancy ended in my 9-month-old DS who is happily sleeping on me as I type!

I found the 12-week scan a big milestone and then the 20-week one even more so. Although I'd be lying if I said I was totally stress free after that point!

It's only natural that you are going to worry after what's happened before. As everyone else has said- take it one week at a time.

Also, be careful if you do get a doppler. I tried to use mine too early, and it probably caused more stress. I did find it reassuring later on in the pregnancy though.

The stress is all worth it in the end...

[mylittlemonkey]

Thanks for all your replies. It's nice to know I am not going slowly crazy on my own. My DH does know I am finding it very difficult and I know he is too so I don't like to tell him too much about how anxious I feel all the time as I know he will worry about me.

Iwantbabies - I really hope all goes well with your scan on weds. Symptoms are always a good sign esp at 12 weeks

Hugabuddy - I know what you mean about well wishing words. I know they mean well but I just have to stay cautious at tis stage and not take anything for granted. Scans do help but the anxiety definitely increases leading up to them. Crossed fingers for your 12 week one.

Bonzo77 - thanks will have a peek.

The rest of your are right I need to try and set milestones and then try and be happy I have got there ok and just take one day at a time. The next will be weds for the 10 week scan. I might allow myself to buy some waist expanders if everything goes ok as work trousers are getting uncomfortable. I hate wishing the days away and feeling like the next few months are one big countdown.

Has anyone tried acupuncture to try and relax? Heard good things about it and think it can be good in pregnancy?

Maybe I need a hobbie to distract me (other than constant knicker checking!).

[NoHank]

Hi OP, your story is very similar to mine. I had one DC already then went on to suffer 2 mmc in quick succession. When I got pregnant for the third time I can honestly say it was the most terrifying time of my life and I felt constantly on edge.

As others have said the only way to get through it is one day at a time and step by step allow yourself a little bit of relief at each milestone.

I paid for 2 private scans on top of those scheduled at the hospital. Mainly because the earliest they could see me was at 11 weeks and I couldn't imagine the stress of waiting for over 6 weeks not knowing if everything was ok or not. I also hired a doppler once I reached 12 weeks (not everyone recommends this but it certainly helped me) That way I had the reassurance of hearing a heart beat until the time I started to feel the baby move. For me this was quite late - not until 19 weeks due to the position of the placenta, which is why the doppler was a big help for me.

Good luck op, sounds such a little thing to say but I really mean it. I'll be thinking of you on Wednesday

Also, DD is now 2.3 so things do work out

[rogersmellyonthetelly]

I had a lot of bleeding with dd in the first tri And I bought myself a doppler from eBay for £30 second hand. Best thing I ever bought. I could listen in to dd every day and reassure myself. I stopped using it when I could feel her moving but it kept me sane!
I'm using it again this time around.

[farfallarocks]

I really sympathise, I am now 24 weeks after 2 Mcs and now that I can feel her move every day that is really helping on the reassurance front (although of course you then have the added worry of not feeling the baby for a while and freaking out!) It does get better after the first 13/14 weeks I would say but I think its normal to always have a little niggle at the back of your mind. The fact you are having regular scans is great and means you are only having to wait a couple of weeks each time (in between boob prodding etc)

[KatAndKit]

I know how you feel, I've recently had a baby after 2 miscarriages. Really the anxiety only went away when he was born safe and sound. The whole pregnancy was a countdown and I did wish the days away. But the anxiety got slowly better as the weeks went along as others have said in the posts above. It was debilitating in the first 9 weeks until viability scan, still quite bad until 12 weeks, got better from then, hearing the hb at 16 weeks helped and then I had monthly scans from then onwards. Once you have got past 20 weeks you will probably find you don't worry about miscarriage much any more, you just start worrying about the birth instead! It will all be fine though, a heartbeat at 8 weeks and good growth between 6 and 8 weeks is a very very strong indicator of a healthy pregnancy.

[minipie]

So sorry to hear of your miscarriages. I have not had a miscarriage so can't imagine what it is like for you, but I have been very anxious about miscarrying due to having quite a few bleeding episodes in this pregnancy.

I did start to relax at about 15 weeks. It has helped that we bought a doppler about that time and I can listen to the heartbeat whenever I feel anxious. Of course for some women a doppler adds to anxiety as the heartbeat can be hard to find (midwives don't recommend them for this reason), however I have always found the hb eventually and it has helped a lot as it tells me our bean is still alive at least. So, I would recommend one with that caveat. However it's unlikely to work prior to about 14 weeks (and later if you have placenta in the way or are overweight).

[tempnameswap]

I know how you feel OP and you have been given good advice here. Tbh it is possible that you won't truly relax at all during this pregnancy - I didn't with dd2 (now 2.9) after a similar story. It was miserable and stressful and my only advice is to be very kind to yourself and, as someone else has said, treat each day as a day nearer. I couldn't really believe it would work out for me but it did and it most probably will for you too - the 8 week heartbeat is a very good sign. Good luck.

[mylittlemonkey]

Thanks for all your messages. It is reassuring to know that there can be a happy ending after mc and reading your posts has made me feel more positive. Really been trying to focus on other things whenever I start to analyse my symptoms. Today felt quite sick this morning which did give me some reassurance. I really hope tomorrow will bring good news and maybe I can then start to feel Even just a little like this might really happen and then if we get to 12 weeks i can feel more relaxed. I would love to get to the point where I can allow myself to feel happy and excited about this pg. when I was pg with my DS it was the most wonderful time and I loved being pg with this amazing baby growing inside me. The stupid thing is that I feel afraid to feel happy or excited in case that might jinx things and I get caught with my guard down. Silly the way your mind works!

I note many of you recommend Buying a Doppler so I might consider that but the worry is if I can't find the hb even if there is one. Something to think about anyway as I am sure they will not continue to scan me every two weeks after 12 week scan (assuming I get that far).

Oh why can't humans hibernate for a few months like animals do.

[MissCoffeeNWine]

It hasn't for me yet. Regular movements do help but I can't get over the anxiety. I'm mostly still in denial I think. I have had two miscarriages just like you but both in the second trimester, which gives a lot of time to worry. I have a lovely DD though and I'm 33 weeks along. One of my miscarriages was my first pregnancy and I don't think I've felt happy and excited about a baby since then really. I agree with breaking it down into managable bits. I had lots of extra scans due to the gestation of my losses which has helped quite a lot, I actually start to worry more after the 12 week mark. But you can't jinx things, there's nothing you can do - one day at a time, you will get there. Perhaps not jumping with joy at growing a baby but there will be little smiles and moments. I figure those happy moments (kicks etc) will happen whatever the outcome in the end so we should enjoy the if we can