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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Were we too harsh?

124 replies

nervousmummy · 15/08/2007 11:40

I would really appreciate some opinions on this, I am a bit worried that we have been too harsh with my DD.

The scenario:

Yesterday we had some friends round for a playdate. The kids were all playing upstairs, 2 5 yo and 2 nearly 4yo. We heard a loud bang, so shot upstairs, the towel rail had been torn off the wall in the bathroom.

I was livid, the kids all blamed the nearly 4yo boy, and said that the rest of them were in the bedroom. This was obviously not true, they had all been in the bathroom.

When DP came home and the playdate had left, we questioned both DDs again. They both stuck to their stories.

When we asked thenm again this morning, DD1 confessed that they had all been messing about in the bathroom, and that both the boy and DD2 had swung on the rail and broke it. When we asked DD2 again, she continued to lie.

So as DD1 finally told the truth, she got privileges revoked for a week (no TV, sweets etc but is allowed biscuits as a treat) but as DD2 had continued to lie, she has been put in her room for the day, and has her privileges revoked for a week as well.

Is this too harsh?

OP posts:

Report

beansprout · 15/08/2007 11:41

Room for the day does sound like a long time.

But, that aside, I think you now think it is too harsh, which is why you started the thread?

FLIER · 15/08/2007 11:42

I think you've been a bit harsh with dd1, as she did eventually tell the truth. Overall not too harsh, tho, imo

callmeovercautious · 15/08/2007 11:42

No. I think she should learn from this! What she was doing was dangerous to her and the others. As well as trashing your house! If you are sure DD2 is telling the truth then stick to your guns!

totaleclipse · 15/08/2007 11:42

For the whole day!!?? how old is she?

MrsScavo · 15/08/2007 11:43

Too harsh. Let her out now! Please!

sonotsaying · 15/08/2007 11:43

You can't shut a small child in their room for an entire day because of an accident, have a heart.

sonotsaying · 15/08/2007 11:43

How old are your children?

nervousmummy · 15/08/2007 11:44

Initially DD1 had all privileges removed, including biscuits etc, the treats were reinstated as she told the truth, but we still felt she needed to be punished for messing about in the bathroom, and lying initially.

I am starting to worry that we were a LITTLE bit harsh

OP posts:

Sheherazadethegoat · 15/08/2007 11:45

i think you are being ridiculously harsh. putting a 4 year old in their room for a day is an unpleasant thing to do. (iam being restrained btw)

nervousmummy · 15/08/2007 11:45

DD1 is 5, DD2 is 4 next month

OP posts:

Fireflyfairy2 · 15/08/2007 11:45

What age is the child?

Not fair to be confined to her room for a whole day.

And you were too sore on dd1. It wasn't her who broke it.

What about the boy? I can bet he hasn't been banned to his room & treats taken off him

beansprout · 15/08/2007 11:46

The thing is with towel rails is that they always look a long stronger than they really are.

Tigana · 15/08/2007 11:48

'time out' should be for as many minutes as the child has years ( ie 4 minutes for a 4yo).

Very long time outs are conterproductive as the child can forget why they were timedout inthe 1st place and the assocaiation between bad behaviour and immediate consequence is lost. Plus, stick a child in their bedroom for long enough annd they will start to read/play etc anyway.

2.5 is very young!

Tigana · 15/08/2007 11:49

oh...2 5yos! (mis-read OP).
Still think all day is FAR too lonng. 5 minutes max

sonotsaying · 15/08/2007 11:49

You are being cruel. Lies at this age are merely a symptom that the child wishes things had been different. They do need to be stop and sometimes they do need to be punished, but you cannot apply an adults motives and reasoning ability to a three year old. She isn't even four, a whole day in here room is downright abusive.

nervousmummy · 15/08/2007 11:50

Well there is nothing I can do about the boy as he was here on a playdate, so it's up to his mum what she does.

OP posts:

sonotsaying · 15/08/2007 11:50

And this comes from a very strict parent.

totaleclipse · 15/08/2007 11:50

It was an accident, not intentional, the punidhment is far too harsh, I you carry this through you can expect lies next time there is an accident, for fear of being isolated all day.

FoghornLeghorn · 15/08/2007 11:51

In her room for the day.....

Yes I think you were definetely too harsh

LittleBella · 15/08/2007 11:51

Oh FGS of course it's too harsh.

A 3 year old locked in her room for a day?

Is her name Jane Eyre?

3 year olds are still too young to know the difference between lying and pressenting the world as they'd like it to be.

I think you shouldn't have left them in the bathroom playing by themselves. Asking for trouble imo.

beansprout · 15/08/2007 11:52

I remember doing something as a child and telling the truth about it. As promised, I wasn't punished which encouraged me to tell the truth on other occasions far more than any punishment that was ever dished out.

compo · 15/08/2007 11:52

How old is the one in their room all day? Three?
There is no way my 3 year old would stay in his room all day. What is she doing in there?
Totally over the top imo

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GooseyLoosey · 15/08/2007 11:53

I think you have gone too far - from what you say dd2 is only 3 and whilst I agree that you need to reinforce the need to tell the truth, I think a whole day in her room is too much. Apart from anything else, small children do not experience the passage of time like adults and this will be an eternity to her.

Is there any way you can wriggle without backing down?

SweetyDarling · 15/08/2007 11:53

Considering that many child behaviour experts recommend punishments last 1 minute for ever year of a child's age, this seems pretty OTT don't you think?
You left them unsupervised and they had an accident. These things happen!

popsycal · 15/08/2007 11:53

way too harsh on both imo, but particularly confining youngest to her room all day...

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