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What should I have done?

(13 Posts)
Ivehadtonamechangeforthis Tue 14-Nov-17 15:35:20

Just been on a playdate with my 12 month old DD and my friends' 2 and a half year old DS stood in front of her and blatantly tried to kick her in the shin twice before landing a kick on the third attempt which left my 12 month old in floods of tears.

I scooped my DD up and gave her a cuddle but I then spent the next 10 minutes wondering if it was an accident or intentional.

I know it was intentional but I didn't know how to react and now I feel awful for not saying something to him or his mum. I SHOULD have and I didn't.

How would you have handled it? I need some guidance so I handle it better next time.

Thank you.

MurielsBottom Tue 14-Nov-17 15:37:11

Did the other mum see the "kick"?

LemonysSnicket Tue 14-Nov-17 15:38:25

I think he's 2 years old and if it was intentional, children don't think like adults...he won't understand that it hurts her, as a child that young doesnt know that other people have interior lives. If he did it on purpose it would be out of curiosity or she annoyed him or something. Doesn't mean it's not wrong but I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

LemonysSnicket Tue 14-Nov-17 15:38:49

If his mum saw the kick she should have told him off though.

Ttbb Tue 14-Nov-17 15:40:08

The boy was two and a half. We'll see how you feel when your little angle gets to that age and starts kicking/slapping/pushing. For most children these kinds of behaviours are just a phase (sometimes it only happens a few times) so whether you altered the boys mother or not wouldn't have made a difference. Children get hurt all the time, it's part and parcel to childhood. She will be fine. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Ivehadtonamechangeforthis Tue 14-Nov-17 15:40:41

I don't know if she did.

She has an older son who is six and was, I don't know if he still is, a spiteful boy. I stopped spending time with them and my older DD because I found his spitefulness really hard to get on with. Overtime we met up he would hit my DD so we stopped seeing them.

Lules Tue 14-Nov-17 15:43:18

2.5 year olds do stuff like that sometimes. Obviously it's not behaviour you encourage but they're still learning and very impulsive.

Why did you just watch him assuming his mother wasn't there? You have to react immediately, tell him not to do it and distract/ move your DD out of harm's way. The mother can't really do anything later.

Ivehadtonamechangeforthis Tue 14-Nov-17 15:45:16

Lemony I don't think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill I'm asking advice on how I could've/should've handled the situation.

Ttbb I've already had one 'little angel' as you put it reach that age and kicking wasn't a problem so once again I"m simply asking what I could've/should've done to handle the situation better so that my 12 month old doesn't become the punch bag for this boy like my elder DD did for his brother.

user1493413286 Wed 15-Nov-17 08:23:17

I’d say in a light tone of voice loud enough for the Mum to hear something along the lines of ‘be careful, it hurts when you kick someone’ and see if the Mum reacts. If the Mum isn’t doing anything and it keeps happening I think your choices are to either really close gaurd your child (not very practical) or limit contact.
If they were closer in age I don’t think it’d matter so much but there’s quite a difference between 1 and 2 and a half. He’s old enough to know not to do it and be told that.

RubyLux Wed 15-Nov-17 12:37:22

If give them all a wide berth. While. 2.5 year old should be starting to gain some insight I to the effects of their actions.

RubyLux Wed 15-Nov-17 12:39:20

...I think this child is not there yet. If the older sibling was mean, why bother with them? The mum sounds a bit hopeless.

roboticmom Thu 16-Nov-17 00:41:51

I had a similar situation. My son was the same age as the other boy. Every time the boy came over he grabbed toys from my son and hit my son with them. The mum acted like it was a common thing and didn't treat it as seriously as I would have. We had maybe 3 play dates and when I mentioned the boy's name my son would cry. That's when I called it a day. I know they are little and learning as they go but if the parenting style allows rough play or a boys will be boys attitude then it just won't work with gentler kids and stricter parents.

Waddlelikeapenguin Thu 16-Nov-17 00:48:00

I say (loud enough for mum to hear)
Gentle hands, it hurts x when you do that. We are gentle with people. And say sorry to my child & comfort them.

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