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If your dc don't snack.......

(14 Posts)
RabbitSaysWoof Mon 11-May-15 21:06:21

And you don't want to start it as a habit. How do you get around other parents constantly sharing out food when their dc eat?
I want my ds to be sociable he is 3 now, he loves other children, but every time he spends more than an hour or 2 with other kids he ends up refusing the next meal for the sake of digestives/ boxes of raisins/ yogurts whatever the friend is offering. I would love for him to see other children every day really but it's becoming an issue for me because every single day can't be a one off treat day because we're with this person or that person, when we see different people every day.
He is never fussy at the table unless he has already had something (even quite small things) I say things like 'its ok hes fine' when they offer, more often than not people will offer him food, then say 'if its ok with Mummy' How can I say 'Well no it's not' without seeming precious or rude.

blushingmare Mon 11-May-15 22:33:17

Have to say I haven't really found a way around this tbh. I know what you mean though. DD has the appetite of a gnat and is a pretty fussy eater, so I try to restrict snacking to optimise our chances her eating her meals. But it's hard when you're visiting other people.

Maybe the solution is to have people round to you and don't offer snacks?!

Having said that, I do have a couple of friends who I've said to once or twice that I don't offer DD snacks and actually they've agreed that it's better for their DC not to have them either and now we don't have snacks when we go round to them. You never know if you're just honest about it you might find other parents feel the same and were actually only offering snacks to be polite anyway!

If it's been close ish to meal times I have occasionally said to DD "yum - X gave you a biscuit, shall we take it home and save it for pudding" and actually amazingly she's agreed with it on more than one occasion!

I know what you mean about seeming precious though and I think you have to relax about some things and accept it's just going to happen I guess as they get older you can put more responsibility on them to "not spoil their dinner" etc, but it's hard when they're little.

TigerFeat Mon 11-May-15 22:42:40

I agree this is hard to manage. Other than what blushing has already said, you could try Carrying an emergency sandwich with you and turn the unavoidable snack into early lunch/tea or Knocking the next mealtime on an hour or so.

squizita Tue 12-May-15 09:53:22

Just say to the other mum "oh he refuses his dinner if he has something now ... nightmare!" in a light hearted tone.
I mean they'll understand surely? Not "spoiling your dinner" with a too late snack is a universal childhood thing.

Notso Tue 12-May-15 10:00:50

Just say no thanks. Mine do eat snacks but I have to decline them all the time for DS2 as he has nut/peanut allergies. Often I just say "lovely of you to offer but no thank you".

Once they get to nursery or school snack is part of the day though. Not just for eating in early years either.

UnspecialSnowflake Tue 12-May-15 10:01:25

It's really hard, my DD has always had a small appetite and snacks would stop her from eating at meal times, but when all the other children are tucking into raisins/rice cakes/biscuits it's hard to say no on their behalf, especially when the person offering is doing a sad face and saying "surely a tiny packet of raisins won't hurt".

What I can tell you is that my DD is now 7, still has a tiny appetite but always turns down snacks herself when offered them by other children's parents because she prefers to eat at meal times.

merrymouse Tue 12-May-15 10:04:21

Long term he will be more influenced by your eating habits than other people's.

As others have said, if you think he won't eat later just say so. Everyone is different and what might work for them may not work for you - or even your or their next child.

purplemurple1 Tue 12-May-15 10:04:49

I just tell my kid no and then explain its dinner time in 30min or whatever and i want him to eat it and not fill up on sugar.
People we see often, like mil now have things like cheese, veg and meat for snacks in which case i just count it as the next meal.

NickyEds Tue 12-May-15 13:20:57

I think you might be over thinking it a bit. Has anyone actually been rude enough to say something? My ds has snacks but if a mum just said "no thanks" I'd just take it at face value! I wouldn't think you were being precious or rude.

RabbitSaysWoof Tue 12-May-15 18:48:23

Well tbh the other Mums are friends of mine, not toddler group type new friends. There are 3 in particular (I see them apart, they don't know each other) They do know, I explain and say no thanks each time, they know why as well but for some reason they just choose not to take in on board and carry on offering, they will offer ds not ask me. I feel like if I keep repeating myself it would be like a criticism on their parenting, but just annoys me because I would never ignore their wishes and start parenting their dc just because they are in house.
I have a friend who's Son my ds adores and she is the worst for it (but lovely in all other ways) so much so that my ds sees her as a vending machine and everytime we are with her he announces he is hungry in her earshot (even if he only just had a meal) and my ds's behaviour is more infantile than he would ever usually be (whining loads, hanging off of me) her Son doesn't just have a snack time he feeds on demand, pulls her to the kitchen telling her bicbic and she gets him biscuits straight away, he knows she will never refuse him and he easily eats like 3 times in one visit, it falls on deaf ears that ds doesn't need it and she takes my ds's whining as sign that he is starving! so he will get stuff every single time her child does. I think she just thinks I am cruel. I have considered just saying to her next time she invites us there (usually at hers as I drive she doesn't, and she has a garden I don't) 'great but would you mind not giving ds food as it ruins he's next meal.' is this precious? (its not new information to her but maybe would see its important to me as I am asking especially) I was actually expecting some posters to say lighten up let him snack because in rl even tho it works for us I feel cruel. I get the sad faces too.
Ds is at he's Dads 2 days a week, I think they snack and I would never ask him not to as he is he's parent when he is there, he goes to nursery one and a half days they snack too, thats why its a bit more important to me that he has these habits when he is with me because he would be snacking more often than not if I throw our routine out of the window every time we socialise too.

RabbitSaysWoof Tue 12-May-15 18:49:20

Thank you for the responses btw. I may be over thinking it.

Notso Tue 12-May-15 19:13:32

Some children do get hungry between meals though. My two youngest do and my older two are ravenous after school.
If your friends DC eats snacks and his food then perhaps she doesn't really understand that your DS doesn't.
I think any good friend would respect your wishes. She probably feels awkward having her son eat when yours isn't. That's what several parents have said to me about DS2.

RabbitSaysWoof Tue 12-May-15 19:41:17

Notso her ds doesn't eat he's meals, hes extremely fussy. But tbh thats her business I would never tell her what to do with him partly because I know how insulting it is and partly because I'm only really interested in my own dc's eating habits. The only point I was trying to make is that when we are there there is no option to avoid a snack time because it's constant.

NickyEds Tue 12-May-15 19:48:48

My ds is one who gets hungry between meals and has a snack mid morning and mid afternoon but that would stop he started fussing over his meals. I think I'd be a bit embarrassed giving him three rounds of biscuits though!

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