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INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

(1000 Posts)
NorksAreMessy Sat 24-Nov-12 23:04:28

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. grin

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

Somethingtotalkabout Mon 14-Jan-13 22:16:43

Also, to echo what Bumble said, I also love to take a work lunch alone, it's where I sort out errant thoughts!

I can't walk into parties alone, although I've recently become ok with being in a bar alone if friends are running late, as long as I'm prepared for it and have something to read - I can't just rock up to the bar and sit and make chat with the barman the way my friends can do!!!

twentythirteen Tue 15-Jan-13 14:08:59

Southeast, I go into the toilet to have time to myself too! And agree with you and Something about ways we enjoy having time alone. I also think I say very little or just try to be nice in order to avoid being the centre of attention at meetings and things, but that has its draw backs and today for the first time I engaged in a battle between me and one other (more senior/power) person in front of others in a meeting rather than just be nice and concede for fear of being the centre of attention. I did have to comfort myself afterward with the idea that I'd stood up for myself appropriately rather than feeling awful for causing a scene or making the other person irritable, and also comforting myself for finding it hard rather than thinking "My nereves are all jangly now, I'm not good at this". I think having been much more conscious of my needs over the last several weeks around being sensitive to my surroundings, as opposed to incapable, has really helped a lot. My thanks to you all and the books!

Dededum Tue 15-Jan-13 17:31:56

Have been directed here as an out and out introvert !!

Can I join?

Somethingtotalkabout Tue 15-Jan-13 17:34:23

Well done Twenty on standing up for yourself. I actually think that when people who are usually quiet and agreeable in meetings speak up, it has much more of an impract than when the usual crowd do. People will think "well she wouldn't have said that unless she felt really strongly about it, so maybe I should listen". thanks

Pinot Tue 15-Jan-13 17:43:44

Yes, Dede grin

twentythirteen Tue 15-Jan-13 22:55:54

Thanks something, I have since come to feel less sure about it so the reassurance istimely! Hi dede!

NorksAreMessy Fri 18-Jan-13 16:25:28

Snow is LOVELY isn't it?
We are trapped on the farm in 4" of snow and it is peaceful and quiet.

DH working away on the computer, DS playing the ukulele, I am making a dressing gown.
We have all had a very happy time pottering today with nobody stressing us or wanting anything from us.
It feels a bit like a desert island. Quite a snowy one, but a desert island with plenty of food and internet and more than eight records and a log burner. I feel no need to build a raft, although DH is getting twitchy and saying he needs a newspaper (!) we are 3 miles from the nearest shop, and at least one of those miles is covered in snow. I expect the shop would be shut, too

Linoleic Fri 25-Jan-13 09:55:43

Norks, sounds bliss!

I would really like to reply to someone asking me, 'why are you so quiet?' with 'why are you so rude'.

caramal Sun 27-Jan-13 14:46:18

Hi, can I join in?
I also hate the "why are you do quiet" question. I will have to try that response sometime.

caramal Sun 27-Jan-13 14:46:51

so* predictive text is a pain sometimes

hope2 Wed 13-Feb-13 14:39:50

Can I bump this thread?

Don't know what I was doing in late November when you all found each other but I too have recently read Susan Cain's Quiet and have felt a) hugely relieved and b) immensely angry that all along, I thought it was Just Me (as per everyone upthread) when actually, we're a breed. A subspecies. There is nothing wrong with us, there is plenty right.

Can we discuss parenting from an introvert perspective? Please? A few posts upthread about everyone - DCs, DPs, DH's - always needing/wanting your attention when all you want to do is potter/hide/regroup/run away really, really, really resonated with me.

Being a workding parent - two school-age DSs, one DH, mostly extroverts - has cut down my recovery time to less than nothing. Would love to hear others' strategies to negotiate/carve out alone-time when the mountain of duties is so huge and others' need for you is so great.

gingeroots Wed 13-Feb-13 17:35:36

I think I must be an introvert as well - socialising is exhausting and I long to be on my own .

Yes I would like a discussion on parenting from an introvert POV .
I worry so much that I'm a bad role model for my 20 year old son who has zero social life .
Mainly because he can't be arsed ( too much on line gaming ) but perhaps he has no motivation .

This may have been said before but I noticed how books seems to figure in many posts .
Heaven is a book in my view .
Someone said to me today that some people have " a strong internal world " .
Perhaps that's us ?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 16-Mar-13 19:07:00

Just marking my place as have been sent in by Norks. grin


NorksAreMessy Sat 16-Mar-13 19:22:24

hello neo
I will leave you now to wander about on your own smile

greenhill Sat 16-Mar-13 19:40:09

hope2 I keep popping upstairs to tidy something up, or bring something down; leaving my DC alone playing / shouting / watching CBeebies / being noisy and I end up lying on my bed watching the squirrels or birds in the garden and reading until they shout for me again. Sometimes I feel like a teenager as I spend time being quiet in my bedroom or hiding out in a different one to them re-shelving books / putting toys away / tidying up etc. I find the endless noise tiring and need to recharge before I'm back to answer 20 questions grin

Once I've recharged my batteries though I'm happy to join in scooting up and down the sitting room, driving a bus to Playgroup, or reading a seemingly endless supply of books to my toddler. The recharging / having a quiet five minutes is vital though.

NorksAreMessy Sat 16-Mar-13 19:59:43

Though this is naturally a quiet thread, I do like that it keeps trickling on, and every so often we have a little gentle chat smile

My DC are both introverts and always have been. They couldn't stand to be overstimulated even when very little, needed a lot of quiet time, playing with teeny tiny things, looking at books, and, I am sorry to say, watching the same video over and over again (Aladdin, I know it word by word even now, 16 years later). DH is an introvert as well, we love spending time together, but doing our own thing in the same room, rather than doing things together.
DS, DH and I were all gardening this afternoon, but apart from when someone needed a hand, we each chose a job we liked to do and got on with it on our own.

Together but separate.

Watching birds in the garden is on my top ten perfect ways to spend time

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 16-Mar-13 21:17:48

[wanders past]

Oopla Tue 19-Mar-13 18:51:11

Just when I thought Mn couldn't get any better I found the introverts collective grin

Hello <awkward wave>

Gonna jump right into the parenting as an introvert and say yy to the recharging / hiding thing. I have a preschooler & toddler at home during the day and it drives me bonkers sometimes. I honestly have no clue how anybody manages to keep their attention focused all day. I live for the quiet hour late at night when everyone else is snoozing and can just have a good think grin

My older dd is very extroverted and I've worked really hard to make sure she feels she can always bring friends around and discuss friendships but I'm in the dark a lot of the time. My preschooler is the definitive of introvert, very deep, thoughtful sensitive little soul.

I must read that book-Quiet-Top of my list. Hope you're all good, look forward to catching up with you all grin

MERLYPUSS Tue 19-Mar-13 20:13:53

I've just stumbled upon this thread. Once upon a time I did a self assessment and it came out that I was an introvert. People that knew me said it was rubbish as because I can sing to 200 people on stage therefore I am an extrovert. I love to sing. Ask me to go into a pub on my own and I would get a head ache. I also dont socialise as it is too full on (unless I am running my cub group). I love doing jig saws or weeding in the garden on my own.
I am the youngest child by 8 years and played a lot on my own.
I have also noticed that DT2, the less gregarious, like small stuff like lego, models and small farm animals. DT1 is into trampolining and bikes and fast stuff. The penny has dropped that me and DT2 are more alike than I thought.
I shall be dropping by..........

Oopla Tue 19-Mar-13 20:35:50

We're like buses merly!

NorksAreMessy Tue 19-Mar-13 21:31:08

Hello fellow introverts. Glad that this thread continues to be helpful

I think the 'you can't be an introvert because you sing in front of people' etc is quite common. I am a jewellery tutor and can be lively and full on when I am teaching, but that is a performance, it's my job, not who I am.
I absolutely adore my job, but the best times of my life are pottering, walking or making things alone and having a little think.

Somethingtothinkabout Tue 19-Mar-13 21:44:56

<pops head round door and waves to all>

Meryl, I'm also the youngest child, by 9 years, I wonder if there is something in that?

I had a lot of little friends to play with round my street, but I don't remember any time being distressed by having to play on my own at home.

I still enjoy it now, me and DP sit together on sofa cuddled up, but he plays football manager sits on his laptop and I read mumsnet.

SeagullsAreLikeThat Sun 31-Mar-13 06:20:04

Really glad this thread is still going, I I was thinking about it on Friday.
We went to PILs for a family party - all very low key, afternoon tea type thing but even then there were a lot of us with BILs family, nieces, nephews etc. They are all so lovely but I found myself going to the bathroom every half an hour or so just to have some peace and not have to talk to anyone for five minutes! It made me realise that I used to do that at work all the time in my previous job which was full time and far busier than my current one. I would frequently go to the loo and just sit there with my head resting on the wall just get some me time. Just wondered if anyone else uses going to the bathroom as their recharge time? Of course even that is difficult with both DS who are convinced I want company AT ALL TIMES when in the bathroom!

MoaneyMcmoanmoan Sun 31-Mar-13 07:27:52

Merly and Somethingtothinkabout also the youngest by a decade here. Spooky!

I work in PR and manage to put on a fairly good show at work, but fantasise about working in a library.

Have just had the most awful experience at church. We had a visiting musician with a guitar, making us wave our hands about, repeat his motivational phrases to the person next to us and then he (shudder) encouraged us to dance.

Us introverts huddled down the back, shellshocked.

MERLYPUSS Sun 31-Mar-13 12:51:31

I wanted t be a marine biologist or count penguins on a remote island!

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