INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

[NorksAreMessy]

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. :o

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

[Wankarella]

May I come here please? I l;ove my me time,so much so that I am reluctant to share any of it, I thought I was abnormal I do have friends but I like to keep them at arms length, I couldn't have friends again who turn up my door steps daily, I detest that, am I odd? I do speak to people but I prefer my own company.....

[TessCowDirect]

Hoorah! - another thread for us introverts.



I was on the last thread but probably under a different name. It is wonderful to find that others feel the way I do. I thought there was something wrong with me.

I mentioned this last time, but for newcomers, one of the most annoying things I find is that people think I am being moody when I just want to be quiet and left alone. Why can they not understand that I am just doing what makes me HAPPY!

[wem]

I love this thread, and its predecessor, so very much. I have been saying no to things left, right and centre. It's wonderful.

I also went to see a good old friend of mine who I haven't seen for a couple of years, since she moved away. She is a fellow introvert and we talked about how awful it used to be, feeling like we should be going out all the time, and enjoying it. I stayed over and had a lovely evening in with her equally introvert partner, playing computer games and chatting, then I left fairly early the next day, knowing that both she and I were happy to have spent the time together, but now we both needed a bit of space .

[Illustrated]

Ahhh, this is lovely. Lots of people that feel exactly the same.

TessCowDirect I get the same thing, people think I'm either moody or rude. I don't get invited to take part in many exhibitions anymore because I never go to the opening night. I'm sure everyone just thinks I'm a huge arse hole that doesn't like anybody.

[SoftKittyWarmKitty]

Thanks English, it sounds fab, hope you have a great first week back at work.

Lawrence I know what you mean about the desert island thing. You know that film Castaway, with Tom Hanks stranded on an island? Well that seems like bliss to me .

Illustrated I stumble over words too, especially with people I don't know well or who are senior to me. I often think I must sound like an idiot to other people and end up running through interactions in my head afterwards, wishing I'd said this or that instead .

As for fitting into an extrovert world, I always used to join in and put a brave face on. If at a function I'd be the one sitting by myself then leaving early. Nowadays I tend to give in to my introvert side because I don't see why I should have to pretend to be something I'm not. That's something that's come with age though (I'm 40) and the recent realisation that it's ok not to be the same as everyone else.

I'm sure some people view me as anti-social, shy, or even aloof and rude but the fact is, unlike a lot of people, I don't need to be with or around other people all the time. In fact I'd rather not, thank you very much. I actually feel sorry for those people I know who can't so much as pop to the shops on their own. I'm surprised they can wipe their own arse by themselves, tbh . Mind you, they probably pity me for being the opposite.

Verity I'm so about your solo hotel trip. Enjoy!

[HenriettaChicken]

Mind if I join?

I'm currently in the bath enjoying a rare hour alone as DH has taken 7 month old DS out for an expedition! (Asda, I think!)
I love it. May curl up on sofa with the cats later.

Re: spas. I love spas. I love them alone or with DH, but was recently invited to a 'girly spa day' by an extrovert friend. fortunately it was £75 which gave me a no-guilt way out without having to let on that it was the equivalent of the 7th layer of hell for me. How can people enjoy all that chatting & gossip? Surely the point of spas is to unwind & relax?

DH is a lovely introvert to but we still force ourselves to socialise every now & then so we don't lose touch with all our friends, but some are so loud & in my face.

He doesn't understand, though, that if we are going to see people I need time to get my head around it and a spur of the moment 'shall we pop & see so-and-so' puts my head in a real tailspin.

And, breathe.

[EnglishGirlApproximately]

We should have a meet up at a Library and sit quietly with our books

[maillotjaune]

That's what extraverts don't get, isn't it? I like doing things in my own (lucky you, Verity!). I don't go shopping on my own ( or whatever it is I'm doing) because I'm lonely, I just want to spend time on my own.

Actually last week I did go shopping with a friend and enjoyed it. I needed an opinion on dresses, and although we have never discussed it I think she is quite introverted too.

I probably said this on the old thread too, but as I have come to realise this is just who I am, I have been better able to recognise which friends I enjoy spending time with.

[TessCowDirect]

Henrietta I also struggle with spur of the moment socialising and you've hit the nail on the head with "need time to get my head round it" even when it's a lovely thing to do.

In terms of the Christmas Party season. As I've got older I've become more confident in saying "no". When I was younger, I felt pressurised to attend in case I offended someone.

I've turned down Xmas nights out this week with a simple "sorry, but I'm not very good at socialising". Nobody even questioned my reason!!

[EnglishGirlApproximately]

ds has had two trial mornings with the childminder this week and people kept saying 'what are you going to do with your free time? Well, one morning I took my Kindle to a coffee shop, the other I came home, made coffee and read some cookbooks. I don't need to do anything. My closest friend is an extrovert but we get on great, she does her busy socialising with others and when we get together its for a meal for just us two, or we stay in with a bottle of wine and watch telly. She understands that I enjoy quiet time, although she is trying to convince me to go to a school reunion in a few weeks

People that I've met more recently don't really get it. At my last job there was always a big debate about breaks and who was going for lunch together. I always said I was happy to go alone and they thought I was being rude. It's not that I didn't want to eat with others, just that I'm not so desperate for company that I'll adjust my working day to do so. It's great that there are others like me out there. I am actually quiet chatty see long post but I like to be sociable in a very low key way iyswim?

[TessCowDirect]

Mumsnet is perfect for us introverts.

You can just lurk if you want, join in if you want and log off at any time without offending anybody.

My sister is an extrovert and it took many years before she really understood that I am different. She loves to socialise, throw big dinner parties and have hour long telephone conversations. I am completely the opposite.

[blueshoes]

I'd say I am an introvert and Myers-Briggs seems to agree.

Just to follow up on what Norks said earlier, I don't really agree that I get joy from low stimulus activities. I demand high intellectual stimulus (hence I have quite an analytical job). I could potter a whole day without talking to anyone quite happily, but I must either read a book or be on the internet in that time, or I would go mad from boredom.

However, I prefer low stimulus social activities because they ultimately exhaust me.

[TessCowDirect]

blueshoes Interesting. My job is analytical too and I have to give it full concentration. I also have a low boredom threshold.

Being introvert does not equal being boring at all.

[SoftKittyWarmKitty]

I'm the same. I always have to be doing something. When I'm watching TV I'm often MNing on my phone, writing my shopping list, or reading. I find it hard to relax by doing nothing at all, as it seems like a waste of time. However, I can potter around doing bits of 'stuff' all day.

[MerlotforOne]

Hi everyone, can I join in - I'm not sure if I'm a 'proper' introvert.....

I'm certainly an Introvert according to the Myers Briggs definition of 'someone who gets their energy from internal rather than external sources', but I was always told growing up that I couldn't possibly be introverted because I am confident, fairly outspoken and certainly not shy.

At school I was always on the periphery of social groups - it took me a long time to figure out that it was because all the other girls got home from school and were immediately phoning each other to chat. It would never have occurred to me to do that, and even when I knew about it, I still couldn't bring myself to join in.

I prefer to be alone rather than in a group, but yet I can happily lecture to 250 students, deal with people individually on a professional basis and I enjoy the company of good friends, although I tend to see them separately rather than as a group. My idea of hell: mother and toddler groups, children's parties, conferences, office parties, any parties where I don't know the vast majority of the guests....

I love going to the cinema or shopping alone and can potter for hours around the house, but I couldn't stay alone on a desert island for more than a couple of weeks, as I tend to over-think and need pulling out of myself occasionally .

[TessCowDirect]

Hi Merlot. Welcome.

You've just mentioned another misconception - that introverts are shy and lack confidence.

Obviously, they might be - but not always. Like you, I am not shy. I do presentations and have managed large groups of staff. I do not lack confidence.

I don't think I would enjoy working in complete isolation. I do like to be around people for some of the time.

It's just that my way of winding down is usually doing something solitary, with the family or a couple of close friends rather than big social events.

[MerlotforOne]

Thanks Tess , it's good to find other people like me! I work in a very extrovert-prone profession and married an extrovert...

[blueshoes]

I work in global professional services, which by definition is a people business. I work with people at all levels, different disciplines and cultures. I am comfortable giving presentations and at meetings. I recently admitted to one of my closer colleagues that I am an introvert - she could not quite believe me because there I was chatting to her. But I actually have to force myself to do it.

Apart from superficial social chitchat (which I don't enjoy), I have very little to natter about with people. But I like talking to people at a professional level.

I know friends who seem to be constantly on the phone or texting others on a personal basis. I could not imagine having so much to talk about. Even when dh and I were courting, there was none of this torrent of communication. Spending time on the phone talking into the wee hours of the night is unheard of.

I was amazed to read that General Allen purportedly sent 20-30,000 emails to Jill Kelley. What could he possibly have to say!

[NorksAreTinselly]

Hello, it's me with a seasonal name change as I have been wrapping presents (don't tell Maryz, I know it isn't December yet )

I am so happy to see everybody here.
EverY single story, experience, anecdote or 'me too' helps to strengthen the feeling that we are NOT odd, not outside society, not weird, not freaky.

We are like his because this is what we are like and we do NOT need to pretend to be the life and soul of the party and to have everybody looking at us.

Did you see the 'brains or beauty' thread?
I wonder if more introverts would rather have brains, rather than the beauty?
To me having brains (even though they are In my hands, rather than in my head, if you see what I mean) is about knowing who you are in yourself and being reliant on your own qualities. This seems to me to be an introverted trait.
Valuing beauty is about external validation. Not something I associate with introversion?

[AlwaysReadyForABlether]

Yay I've found my spiritual home. I too am an introvert - have happily spent today pottering about the house, just me and the cat. It's really what I need to get me ready for another week at work. Whilst I work on my own most of the time, it is an open plan office which can get noisy. Sometimes I just want to stand up and shout at everyone to be quiet!
Unfortunately my role at work means I have to organise our Christmas night out. I have booked a lovely restaurant and we are all quite "mature" so there won't be any clubbing or anything. But we've had a rubbish time at work lately so everyone keeps talking about how outrageously drunk we're going to get. I just want to go and have my meal, maybe a glass or two of wine and then home at a reasonable time!

[TessCowDirect]

Love the christmas namechange Norks!

I'm too scared of Maryz to change until 1st December

Yes, I was on the brains or beauty thread and agree with what you say.

Without wanting to sound full of myself, I was not bad looking when I was younger but I couldn't deal with attention so would go out of my way to make myself look as frumpy as possible so I didn't stand out.

I don't have that problem any more though!

[Sagelynodding]

I like tinselly Norks :)

I am pondering Sagely(egg)nogging, but am very open to suggestions...

I read some of the brains/beauty thread, and I think you have hit the nail on the head. To me someone who genuinely prefers beauty over brains definitely relies on other people's ideals of beauty for (external) validation. An introvert is probably more self-reliant, so other people's opinions may be less important to them?

I dunno :)

[PimpMyHippo]

Norks, when you mentioned having brains in your hands I glanced upthread to see if you'd mentioned being a neurosurgeon or something! Antisocial, overly literal - no wonder my mum thinks I have ASD.

[sadsong]

Hello norks, hello everybody!

How is everyone finding this busy time if year? I think the older I get the less and less I enjoy it. Obviously I do my bit for the dc but I find it a struggle!

Ive had about 6 wks off work hiding and have got to go Back this week