Is 9am to 6pm five days a week too much for a (nearly) 4 year old? Decision time tonight please help

[choucroutegarnie]

Our son, aged 3 1/2, is meant to start nursery full time in September. Until now he's been at home, though with lots of other kids around so he's very sociable.

We have 2 options: a great (but rather expensive) nursery attached to a primary school, which means 9am-6pm days, or our local (but so-so) school, which means we could afford to have him looked after at home or at a childminder's after school.

I tend to prefer the first one because the teachers are great and the class sizes smaller, but do those things really matter if your kid is exhausted and just wants to go home?

I know it's pathetic because we are lucky to have these options but I'd welcome some advice from someone who's gone down the full-time route.

What was it like? Any advice?

The deadline for admissions is tomorrow morning...

[controlfreakyagain]

that's a v long day for a 3 yo... and he's been atv home up to now.... but you need to choose what will suit him (and you) and be confident about your choice once made.

[nannyjo]

9-6 is a long day for an adult let alone a child. epecially if they are not 100 % or had a bad night but not too bad to go in. Not sure i could do it tbh, soz

[Sidge]

My DD1 was at nursery from 0845-1745 3 days a week (not 5 days admittedly) from the age of two until she went to school at 4 yrs 9 months, and coped fine. However there was a snooze room so children could go for a lie down if they wanted to, and once or twice a week she would have a little lie down.

Is this possible at your chosen nursery?

[StressTeddy]

Too long imo - you know that too or you wouldn't be asking

[wheresthehamster]

You say full-time - does this mean option 2 is 9 -3? That's still a long day.

[FairyMum]

Its a very long day. Mine can do a max 7 hour-day in nursery (includes a nap). Any longer and they are shattered and grumpy for the rest of the week. Depends on the child obviously.

[tassisssss]

I wouldn't be happy leaving them for such a long day on a regualar basis.

Hope you come to a decision that you're all happy with.

[Marina]

Well, dd, who is nearly five, managed just fine choucroute - although we have both managed to organise our working lives so that the 9-6 was three days a week only and on one day each dd was picked up by one of us
If children are happy and well looked after and it's a necessity for your family, they will be fine.
Quite frankly other parents we know who are both obliged to work full-time have had VERY mixed experiences with retaining good quality childcare after school. Nannies who need longer hours, childminders who do the rounds of three to four local schools with a sizeable gang of 4 pluses at the end of the two mile trip...
Hard to beat a good school nursery where there is continuity of care and staffing IME

[choucroutegarnie]

Thanks for the prompt responses. This is helpful.

Yes there is a place to sleep but you are right, it sounds a bit like the coal face, doesn't it?...

Off to look for a part-time nanny then!

[choucroutegarnie]

Thank Marina, that's the dilemma, isn't it? The best nannies understandably go into full-time jobs so it's hard to find good PT ones - as the response to my recent Gumtree ad shows.

[Bubble99]

I agree with Marina.

If it's a good nursery and he has the opportunity to sleep during the day he should be fine.

[notasheep]

Way too long day poor thing

[Marina]

IME (or rather numerous parent friends of ours) you do get smashing p/t nannies, but they tend not to stay in the job long because their circumstances change. They often relocate with their partners/have a baby/finish their course/find they need more cash. None of the nannies or mannies our friends have had have been rubbish, and they are nice people with nice children, but the turnover is still HIGH. Esp. if you had the bliss of one great nanny from birth to four.
So much depends on your children. Mine were both fine in good quality daycare from a young age. They are kind, intelligent, secure children who are old enough now to understand that 2 parents WOTH was an economic necessity to the household, rather than the ego-massaging, child-demoting, selfish pursuit it is often implied to be on here.
You know your child, as one poster said. If you feel this timetable is too much for her, then explore other options if your circumstances permit. It's good to have the choice

[spicemonster]

Excellent post Marina. Most of them on this thread have made me feel like I should call social services for being such a cruel and wicked person for putting my DS in nursery 8-6. I am clearly an evil, evil woman

choucroute - if it's a good nursery and he has rest, then no, I don't think it's too much. And you might feel better having the continuity of a nursery over a nanny who doesn't offer that. IME, it's to do with the nursery. I visited some (including some really pricey ones) that I wouldn't leave my cat at for the day.

[RubySlippers]

my DS has a very similar length of day as he is at nursery whilst DH and i work full time

he isn't a "poor thing"

they have a nap time between 12 and 2 pm as well as quiet times so it isn't all too over stimulating

the last hour of the day is always low key with snacks and stories and lots of cuddles

i think continuity of care is better then p/t nursery and p/t nanny

[choucroutegarnie]

Great to hear good full-time nursery experiences. Thanks. I agree that one can be made to feel like a monster for considering such things, especially in this country (where I come from NO ONE can afford nannies, so everyone is off to state nurseries full time and there is zilch on parenting boards about the subject, as I discovered recently).

OK I'm still torn but at least I've heard both sides of the story. Thanks everyone.

Off to pour myself a stiff drink. They say sleep is the best counsel...

[mumtoone]

My ds goes to nursery 4 days a week for around 9 hours. He manages absolutely fine as he's done it since he was a baby. You may find a tricky transition but most children manage with nursery once they are used to it.

[elkiedee]

My ds goes to a CM 5 days a week since the beginning of March at 10 months, and lots of babies his age go to nursery full time. Either option sounds to me like it could work out perfectly reasonably. Have you asked about whether they encourage children to have naps as opposed to just having a space where they can at the private nursery? Good luck.

[TigerFeet]

My dd has done this since 6mo and she has been fine. She can sleep at nursery if she wants to, or have quiet time if need be. It's not like being at school at all.

"Poor thing"

[choucroutegarnie]

I think there's no encouragement as such but I'm told by other parents that the team are open to suggestions. There is apparently a sleep 'team' who like to snooze for an hour while the others play quietly.

Either option would be an interesting challenge for my son, that's for sure.

[notasheep]

[purlease]

what's the for?

[MsDemeanor]

I'd really prefer my child to come home. Can you get a student or au pair? I think there is nothing like being at home for relaxing and I think your life might be happier if you came home to rested children at home.

[TheFallenMadonna]

Depends on what kind of nursery I think. Ds went to a daycare nursery 5 days a week from 14 months until 2.6, and I would have been happy for him to continue until he started school. There was lots of down time, which is important I think in a long day.