Diagnose me - I feel like I've been drowning for the last week ??!!!?!!

[morningpaper]

I feel very very tired and like my lungs are broken

At night it is worse

I've been to GP but no sign of infection although my peak flow was 350 - and I fainted after I gave a peak flow blow

He sent me home and told me to stop whining basically, it's probably viral

Is it viral or am I dying?

[Slubberdegullion]

You fainted? Dear me, you poor delicate thing. Sounds like you should be lying on a chaise long with some ringlets tumbling down and the merest hint of bosom on show.

I doubt you are dying, 350 isn't disgraceful.

Fluids, paracetamol, rest, get your hair off your face, warm socks etc.

Return to GP is still feeling all Austin on monday.

[morningpaper]

I really would have made a MARVELLOUS Victorian Laydee

I keel over all the time TBH, am total wuss

Yes he basically said go home and have a cup of tea

waaah

[NormaStanleyFletcher]

I am loving "feeling all austin"

How about some baroca [sp?] stuff? Apart from that what slubber said, fluids, paracetamol, rest

[Slubberdegullion]

Maybe you need to forewarn him that you are on your way in with your fainting delicate ways and he could get in part and dress up for you, you know with a cravat and rolled up sleeves with those sleeve keeper-upper dooberies on, and maybe a monocle (and a bag and a hat and a knocking on the door with a rat-a-tat- tat natch).

He could give you a poultice or a leech.

I'm sure you'd feel heaps better if you got that sort of Rx. Mind-body-spirit and all that.

[NormaStanleyFletcher]

Ahhh - v good slubber.

I would like to point out that I suggested a tonic which could complement the leaches

I do think that MP should don an empire line dress and a bonnet too

[NormaStanleyFletcher]

How are you MP?

[Katisha]

350 is good for me. Did 250 on first try with asthma nurse yesterday...

Anyway you have The Vapours. Head for the chaise longue and stay there for the rest of your life like Tennyson's wife did.

[morningpaper]

Yes I am feeling a bit better since spending most of the day asleep and having everyone tell me I'm a big girlie blouse fgs

I might rummage out an old inhaler and have a puff

I know I am poorly because I haven't DRUNK any booze all day

[NormaStanleyFletcher]

[BitOfFun]

When I lived in Scotland they would have just said "She doesn't keep well" and given you a knowing look.

[Slubberdegullion]

Are you well now?

There is altogether too much sympathy giving here on mn, it is a worrying trend. This is the Bear Grylls of parenting forums is it not? Proper hot-ribena-drinks comforting should only be given for extreme illnesses such as necrotising fasciitis following a Kimodo dragon attack or something exotic and fatal like trench foot.

Being tired and having a bit of a cough should really only be met with a withering stare, but hey I'm feeling kind atm so I'll send you a get better punch to the side of the head MP.

[NormaStanleyFletcher]

Slubber - I love you

SHe is still alive isn't she?

I have just read your post out to DH, who said "why do any men ever come and try to mess with your lot" I checked that he would let MN know if I was dead or something. He said he would log on, post "she died" and log off again.

Anyway MP - how the hell are you doing?

[Slubberdegullion]

Oh she's bound to be alive. She is probably drunk and mixing lemsip double action sinus power plus with bacardi breezers.

[Slubberdegullion]

I will feel slightly bad if she has full blown pneumonia and sepsis and is fighting for her life on ITU somewhere now.

MP, if you have pneumonia and sepsis and are fighting for your life get a grip please.

[NormaStanleyFletcher]

Oi slubber, careful. I think that might have been sympathy

[Slubberdegullion]

Oh goodness no!

Call it a mild interest, like when you see a duck with a gammy leg and you wonder how long it is going to take for it to fail in body weight and succumb to the winter frosts.

All this concern and thoughtfulness is the slippery slope to sparkly hunsville I tell you. Did you SEE how many exclamation marks she put in her thread title? FIVE.

It's a pretty sad state of affairs really isn't it Norma?

[Thredworm]

Massive rofl at this thread. I was feeling all tortured because I had accidentally flicked a bee into a cobweb but Slubberdegullion has girded my ruthlessness.

[Slubberdegullion]

oooooh did it struggle Thredworm? I love a bit of wild nature going on.

[Thredworm]

You would have loved the spectacle of bee-suffering Slubber.

I opened window and flicked it out with pencil. It hit web and its buzzing went all high-pitched and pitiful.

I repeat-flicked but bee and web just hit the ground together and now it is crawling in frantic circles with web all over it ... and the desiccated corpse of the spider's last victim trailing from it by a strand, like Jacob Marley's chain.

[Slubberdegullion]

excellent
I am particularly enjoying the pitiful buzzing.

As the daughter of a vet I do feel now that as it is incased web with no hope of escape (or bee/spider web fighting) that you should put it out of its misery and go and hit it with a book.

I am NOT inferring that at this stage should MP return to her thread in an equally pathetic and doomed fashion that anyone should hit her with a book.

[Thredworm]

Oh yes you are -- you've already hit her with Jane Austen.

[Slubberdegullion]

lol

Yes it's tough literary love.

[morningpaper]

Well I'm just catching up with all the flowers and chocolates

I am typing with a device attached to my head from ITU OF COURSE

Actually I am feeling a bit better although I have the most god-awful bark that makes people flinch and take steps backward in case I hack a glob of phlegm onto their shoes

I am not feeling so knackered any more though so my earlier fears of M.E./lung disease are perhaps dissipating slightly

Thank you for all your sympathy you cruel bints

[Slubberdegullion]

Glad to hear the expectoration of sputum is coming along nicely MP. There you go you see you didn't need to be smothered with love and hugs and did you now?

Have a (well trained and competent) percussive slap to the back to assist in more secretion dislodging as a mark of my restrained mild relief for your returning health.

Nice head typing btw.

[NormaStanleyFletcher]

Glad you are still alive. I would miss the roundup