Hi ladies, my dd2 was still born at 40+5 last March. I have been to quite a few SANDS meetings and found them really helpful.
I was a bit worried they would be like an AA meeting 'hello my names badgers and I'm a bereaved mummy' and all that, but they just didn't feel like that at all. Our local group has a day time meeting and an evening meeting. The day time meeting and evening meeting have quite a different feel. The evening one was busier, in a church hall, and tended to be couples but there were people like me whose DH didn't feel comfortable attending and the day time ones tended to be the odd couple but mostly the mothers. The day time ones on our local SANDS group were more intimate and in one of the befriender's houses.
For me the daytime meetings work better.
The meetings are quite informal, and generally the conversation flows just as it would with a group of old and dear friends. We share experiences and stories and remember our babies with others who understand just how lovely it can be to just be able to talk about that much loved child. If you are approaching a tricky milestone or just getting over one, having that group of wonderful people to walk that path with you is a little blessing.
You take from it what you like to. I took pictures of my Dd to the first meeting, I just wanted people to see her who wouldn't be shocked by colour of her skin or her black little lips, and they lovingly looked at her and appreciated her in a way that you imagine people would when looking at a baby's photos. That meant the world to me.
Another lady on our group found that she was getting herself into repetitive habits, I guess a bit like OCD and she used the meetings as a way to talk about it, and focus her own mind on overcoming her urges. Everyone has been so supportive to her.
The loveliest the thing is how when you are there you feel like you belong. These people know your pain as they feel it too. There are no uncomfortable silences, and sometimes we even have a giggle and share the good times too.
A few of us have swapped numbers so we are there for eachother when we are having one of those down days, and to send eachother texts on those significant days. I feel like these ladies, who I have only known for a year, know and understand me better than my own parents.
I hope this has helped, if you have anything specific you'd like to know I'll try and answer as best as I can.
I hope you both get some peace from the meetings and I am so very sorry for you losses