I am the type of person the top poster wants to get answers from.
Many people have tried to reason with me and I have not been "changed" yet.
My case in short. She and I got married (for the wrong reasons), then she got pregnant. The relationship didn't last, but I stayed because I didn't want to be seen to be breaking the commitment. She had an affair. Then the lies started and many attempts by her to get me intimidated away from the child....attempts failed. Court started. She generated more court proceedings while she was on legal aid and I was paying (and gathering more debt). More lies and many changes of mind by her. She got the CSA involved, I refused to pay, the CSA got a DEO, liability order, etc. I refused to pay. I would rather go to jail and get really angry sitting in jail than pay her and you can bet all the money you hope to have, that when I get out of jail, it's pay back time and the money snatching ex is going to feel or get some of my anger (not sure how yet) but plenty of time to think in jail.
The separation between ex and I was not agreed. As far as I was concerned, she could go if she wanted but she could not take the child and expect me to fall in line with her demands. Ex obviously wanted me to dance to her tune and I refused, then ex demanded that I pay her 4 times over the CSA payments or she get the CSA involved. I would not submit to her demands.
Long story short, why should I pay an ex money if she had broken agreements, caused me more debt than I ever had in my life, infuriated me to no end, tried to intimidate me away from the child and told so many lies about me (to court as well) that I would need a second life time to correct it all.]
I would however say that I am prepared to pay for activities my child attends, but I want ex to take him to the activity. She (as I know her) would take the child for 2 months, then realise that she gets nothing from the activity and her own needs will take over and the child gets left to be attended by the electric nanny again.
The bloke (if he is anything like me) wants to feel and see that the money he spends goes straight to the child and he wants to see you sharing the cost of items purchased. That share might be 50/50 but it could be agreed 60/40 or something.
If you want to do anything clever, look for ways to get arrangements agreed otherwise you are going to live a life of hope and misery.
You broke the biggest agreement, the relationship and I would think that at some point, you and he agreed to stay together. He sees you as the "wrong" person and you can't be trusted - from his perspective.
I expect that the bloke would pay for school cloths, school dinners, some activities that he wants the child to attend and if you asked for a nominal amount per week, perhaps a tenner, then he would pay that. Rather than kick up a fuss, accept what you get, even if it's under the amount that the CSA suggest. Once the CSA get involved, hostility will grow and grow.
Many people have tried to convince me, some good friends of mine. The general understanding is that we agree to disagree now. Maintenance and CSA don't get into the conversation, unless someone wants to argue and potentially end a friendship. I won't back down, neither will they. I personally hate the CSA with a passion. I have seen the destruction they cause and heard of people who commit suicide thanks to the CSA. Any organization that damages a non resident parent to pacify a resident parents demands should be decriminalized.
I hope that helps.