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The looking after Libb thread.

(150 Posts)
Flossam Thu 31-Mar-05 20:32:45

Didn't know where to put this, put feel like we should do something to show Libb we care, and to make sure she gets a computer! Love to you libb, hoping you are ok still. xxx

Flossam Thu 31-Mar-05 20:33:06

Put = but

Libb Thu 31-Mar-05 20:49:41


Flossam, I feel terrible because I have been ignoring everybody recently. I am really really sorry, it is nothing personal so I hope you can forgive me. I am really touched that you posted a thread for me though, it is my first! although I would rather it were about something cheery. I promise I will mail you.

It is most certainly over it would seem, we have had a few days of getting on well and it seemed hopeful for a while but he has said tonight that he doesn't feel he loves me enough. Now I am trying to work out what to do next, I feel I should go away this weekend but I am not sure where. I don't think I am in the mood for my parents, they flapped too much last weekend when I just wanted to be quiet and still. It was nice to come home to ex-partner!! If that makes sense.

I have computer access for the moment and I will at work but it will be limited to lunchtimes (I hate open plan offices!). After that we'll see what happens.

I have an appointment on Monday with the Council but I am clueless about these things so any advice would be most welcome.

(Flossam, thank you again - you are a darling xxx hope things are good with you now - I have been looking out even if I have not posted xx)

helsy Thu 31-Mar-05 21:01:54

Hello Libb - haven't read what happened in detail, just know from another thread we're on that you split up and wanted you to know you're in my thoughts (weird, but true!) Hope it turns out ok with the council - don't have experience to offer on that, I'm afraid but I'm sure someone will.


Caligula Thu 31-Mar-05 21:06:45

Good luck Libb.

Flossam Thu 31-Mar-05 23:20:33

Libb, don't feel bad! I'm not expecting anything from you, I just want you to be ok, whatever happens and for you to know that I'm here for you, just as everyone else here will be! Hugs to you. xxx

Luscious Fri 01-Apr-05 10:33:47

hi. youll do fine.

talk to CAB before your interview- its a must. ask then everything and anything they have to tell you the truth and it will help so dont feel ashamed or embarressed just think bout ur baby and get it done.

ask bout benefits you are entitled to and how you apply
what kind of home your entitled to ask for (it shud be a 2 bed)

ask what to do bout exp

no worries, and good luck


cat82 Fri 01-Apr-05 10:39:16

Oh so glad you have a thread libb
Haven't spoken to you in a while but i am still here if you need me or feel like meeting up.
Loads of love to you honey.


Beetroot Fri 01-Apr-05 10:40:52

Message withdrawn

Flossam Sun 03-Apr-05 22:20:01

Hi libb! Hope you had a good weekend whatever you and DS decided to do. Good luck with the council tomorrow, I hope they find you somewhere lovely to live. xxx

spots Sun 03-Apr-05 22:23:53

Oh great, a looking after Libb thread! good idea, Flossam...

hope you had an ok weekend Libb. xxx

Libb Mon 04-Apr-05 18:57:35

Hello, went to the appointment and it wasn't that brilliant. We are not one of the bigger priorities he has come across because we haven't been asked to leave. I think I will have to get him to write a letter telling the council he wants us both out.

I don't think I can afford to go privately in Cambridge - a 2 bed flat is approx. £700. I feel so tired and world weary right now. If anyone has a spare miracle I would most grateful.

mrshighwater Mon 04-Apr-05 19:31:50

Sorry to hear it didn't go too well Libb. I think if he writes to say he wants you out you'll be in a better position because you will be deemed to be homeless and therefore a priority. Are you trying local housing associations too?
Don't have any miracles but my dd1 is a fairy so I'll see if she has any wishes left for today

nutcracker Mon 04-Apr-05 19:35:23

If you have applied to the council then they should automatically nominate you to all housing associations anyway but i would still ring round a few to see if you can get on their lists yourself.

Regarding the private renting, you might be entitled to help with the rent.
I know when we were looking the council gave us forms we could send in to them for a sort of pre assesment on housing benefit. Bascially you put how much the rent will be and how much you earn and they say yes you would get help or no you wouldn't. Only thing is, they don't tell you how much it would be.

Libb Mon 04-Apr-05 19:51:06

Thanks guys, that is really handy - and a fairy wish would be lovely!

I used to work for a Housing Association and so I have an idea of how they work - it will seem weird contacting the one I worked for though! maybe I will leave them until last . . .

I am still peeved that he is going to Glastonbury whilst sitting telling me that he has no money and that he can't help - it is insulting to say the least! My friend said me the other day "you are hitting your angry phase early darling, pace yourself!" I had to admit this made me chuckle

Flossam Mon 04-Apr-05 20:37:32

Libb, if it really does get unbearable and you think you can travel, you can come and stay here. I'm sure your not a nutter ! Something for you to think about anyhow. Sorry things didn't seem to go so well. How is ex P going to pay towards DS? Or haven't you even thought that far ahead yet? xxxx

Libb Mon 04-Apr-05 21:13:35

He just keeps telling me that he refund me the money I have spent on the house, I told him the council will be contacting him via me to let us know the options. I told him he may have to readjust his mortgage but he doesn't seem to think this comes into it!

Thank you for the kind offer by the way. xx

Libb Mon 04-Apr-05 21:14:27

I just told him I may reconsider using the Courts afterall - just to guarantee everything. I hate this ugliness but I realise now I have no choice.

Libb Mon 04-Apr-05 21:15:37

this wasn't my plan in life ... I feel exhausted and out of options already.

Flossam Mon 04-Apr-05 21:15:42

Libb, make sure YOU and DS are ok. That is what will be most important. Do whatever it takes to ensure that. xx

spots Mon 04-Apr-05 22:28:33

Hum, think offering to refund you the money you spent on the house is a bit rich... so to speak...

As if with that you'd only be back where you started. In fact he owes you a lot more than that (which perhaps courts might help to quantify?) to do with having a son with him, and the two of you starting out parenting on a mutual understanding that you were in it together.

Am rather angry about it myself, actually!

Sorry about today, but it was only the first step and I suppose you can always try knocking a bit louder on the door next time...

Libb Tue 05-Apr-05 19:17:42

Spots, thank you for your post. I have to admit that I did "knock" a bit quietly. I am going to give them time to put my details on the system (that takes a month on its own!) and then phone them later this week - I will be kicking that door down.

I don't know what to do, it was a year ago today I started maternity leave and I was so excited! what a load of rubbish it all turned out to be.

I have to admit that my own feelings scared me this morning, I have some anti-depressants that the doctor gave me shortly after DS was born but they make me feel physically terrible so that won't help me right now. Perhaps some St John's Wort would be better?

I just don't know anymore - and there is so much pressure at work because of our workload I feel I can't ask my team leader if I can go home (I know it shouldn't matter but she seems to have acquired the most accident/illness prone people in the world! and one has just handed in their notice to add to it all) I know I shouldn't worry about work but I do and she has been good to me in the past - I respect her a lot (except for last Friday . . .) and she is a very matter of fact, level headed person so very easy to talk to - she asks you questions that may not have occured to you so it can be quite theraputic!

I guess I am getting what I deserve aren't I?

spots Tue 05-Apr-05 22:48:47

Eeek! Libb dear girl you are emphatically NOT 'getting what you deserve'. Please don't talk like that... Nobody's been ticking off your sin points and waiting for an opportunity to kick you up the arse, if that's what you meant.

I don't think you need to 'ask to go home' as such - If your team leader is as intelligent as she sounds then just telling her what's going on is useful. She might well see for herself if you are performing under par. Maybe. If you were affected at work by your situation it'd be quite understandable.

A good dose of the blues can fairly knock your stuffing out.

mind you I missed the last friday stuff.

Poor libb, never mind all that st john's wort stuff, have a whisky. <<passes libb a whisky>>

helsy Wed 06-Apr-05 20:32:42

Hello Libb. I haven't followed your original thread about this but I can't imagine you deserve any of what's happening at the moment and you need to tell yourself that.

Re: housing people - Yes, kick their door down! Metaphorically, of course. A bit of self-empowerment never did anyone any harm...

I agree with Spots, tell your team leader - you don't have to go into details but its better she knows at an early stage, particularly if you might be under even more pressure already because of other staff illness.

I don't know if St John's Wort is any good. I've been taking herbal sleeping tablets - valerian and lettuce or something like that - and they're working for me, but I'm not under anything like the pressure you're under.

Chin up. Dd1 had a fairy wish left, by the way. (Oops)

Libb Fri 08-Apr-05 17:48:11

Helsy, my team leader already knows as she and I share a good relationship - we just had that skirmish the other Friday because she is under pressure to get the backlog cleared. We have made good progress recently and I think she is glad I am back on the team, the others (who joined after I went on mat leave) tend to be a bit derogoratory about her management skills and that saddens me because when things run smoothly she is an excellent manager, very reasonable and fair). They have never seen her in that calmer circumstance!

Anyway, things are the usual here. I am waiting for a letter that covers what was discussed at the Council, then I will be armed for the CAB - I have checked out their website so have a vague idea of my rights.

DP went out and chatted to a couple of female mates, apparently that has helped him realise that it is over.

Fair enough, but did they help him realise how to pay for it all? The council calculated that I have payed approx. £2000 into the house since last year - his mortgage is very low and his brother (joint owner) has paid nothing so far. I put the cost of rewiring the house on my credit card. (I know, I know but it was meant to be an investment to our future).

Then there is the cost of DS, I have carried all financial responsibility for DS until now (ex bought him a pair of shorts last year I recall), I have now told him that he needs to get a grip because I cannot be expected to do it alone. Our situation was that ex paid the mortgage (250 odd), water, gas and council tax - plus whatever debts he has. On the other hand I have paid the childcare (500 odd), electricity, phone, DS and food - plus whatever debts I have, quite considerable now thanks to the "arrangement" we have. He brings home £200 more than me and yet he is skint? I have no idea how he is going to pay maintenance because he couldn't right now . . . what a bloody mess. I also found out recently that we have had no home insurance in place since he took out his mortgage (Sept. 2003), he assumed it was part of the mortgage plan . . .

I don't expect anyone to respond to all that but it was nice to get it off my chest - thank you.

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