Clothes when she is with her dad.

[SomersetPops]

Hi all, this is my first post so please be kind.

My partner has a daughter with her ex. He has her 5 nights out of every 14 and pays CSA for the rest. For the time that he has her is it his responsibility to pay for her clothes?

The system seems vague about this. The more time he spends with her the less Child Support he pays until it becomes 50/50 and then he pays half of everything. Should he provide school uniform for the days he takes her to school?


As you can imagine we're struggling to arrange all this stuff with her ex, any advise appreciated.

Cheers

Bren

[SparkleTwilight]

Yes he should provide clothes/uniform/toys and anything else she needs when she is in his care.

[SomersetPops]

Thanks for the reply, is there any gov guidance or legislation stating it?

[sarahbanshee]

No legislation. It’s just being a decent parent

[Pompom42]

I think it wouldn’t hurt to have some uniform and clothes at his house so she doesn’t have to haul bags of stuff around with her. It’s hard for a child to live between 2 families

[InDubiousBattle]

Of course he should buy her clothes, uniform, toiletries etc. You wouldn't expect her mother to send her with a pack up would you! Also, surely it's just easier than having her cart bags of clothes around.

[Bluedoglead]

Why would he expect his ex to provide clothes for when he is parenting his own child?

[PotteringAlong]

On the flip side are you withholding clothes when your daughter goes to her dad? Are you both really making her change into “Mum clothes and dad clothes” before she moves houses?! Can’t she just have her clothes?

[SomersetPops]

Thanks all,

We have been handing over bags for the last four years, but he has started keeping clothes we've paid for at his house.

Thursdays dd goes from home to school to child minder to Dad for Friday, weekend, and Monday school before we see her again. She is 8 and the luggage needed for the weekend is more than she can carry with her school bags too. We asked for Dad to pop in and collect but as we all work and manage our work for longer hours when we don't have DD it makes it hard to do a hand over at a consistent time. Also Mum and Ex are not getting on. I'm looking for a simpler solution to this rather than M&D sniping over Myfamilywizard every week.

I think that if we go to him and say 'you need to provide clothes for your days' then he will stop paying maintenance and cause another court case.

[Enidthecat]

Stopping maintenance won't cause a court case at all. The two issues are seperate.

Yes he should provide clothes for there and uniform if it makes sense (ie if uniform is blazer - Does she really need 2? But if it's available from any supermarket then yes have a couple of sets)
But don't get into an argument about I bought this so this has to stay here etc. As long as she goes in clean clothes that fit and comes back in clean clothes that fit that's all that matters imo.

[SomersetPops]

Hi thanks,

Yes you are right this alone wouldn't cause a court case but will add to the acrimony. We've always sent her away with clean clothes but her clothes are not cleaned while she is away. Like I said we are having trouble with hand over and need to know what our options are.

[InDubiousBattle]

So you essentially have to pack uniform, toiletries and other clothes for 4 days? That must be loads. He should have a uniform, some night clothes and some jeans /tops etc so that she can just go to school on the Thursday with just her school bag.

[IsItSummerYet2018]

He would provide everything his daughter needs for at his. My dp does. He has her EOWeekend. Therefore CMS is calculated and minus a certain percentage for when she's in his care.. So there for he / we provide her stuff.
And tbh he wouldn't dress her how her mum sends her as she purposely sends her in tatty old torn clothes and scruffy items.. Not how she'd dress her at home. We have here.
Toiletries
All clothes and underwear, pj's etc
Rain coat
Warm. Coat
Boots. Wellies. Trainers and shoes. (and will have sandals in summer)
Own bedding
Toys
Books
Tablet
Her own special plate cup etc
Literally everything.
Even before the overnights were added to his CMS we still had it all here.

[NorthernSpirit]

Yes, you should have clothes and belongings at yours. Your home isn’t a holiday home that she should pack a case to visit. Of course their will always be things that go between houses but she should have things at yours.

[bobstersmum]

I am a step mum and step daughter was less than a year old when I got together with her dad, (she's 13 now) we have always provided clothes for her when she is with us, not because anyone asked our because we had to, but it's just what you do, along with providing her own room with her own space, it's not really anything to do with any maintenance paid. That's for her mum to use to care for her when she is there. We also help pay towards school clothing and any trips.

[Naillig222]

If she’s with her dad Friday could she go over in her uniform after school and then it would be there for Monday? I don’t see the need for two uniforms really.

I used to get annoyed with ds coming home in clothes that were too small. Or if I sent him off in nice clothes he’d come back in old ones and the nice ones would stay in his dads. I decided to chose my battles. Ex pays maintenance so I when I’m buying clothes for DS I buy extra and send them to his dads. Nothing too fancy but a few bits. At the end of the day it’s my poor ds who would be going around in awful clothes if I didn’t do it.
I don’t think ex was even doing it to get at me, he just didn’t have a clue!