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My then 12 yr old son left to life with his dad and now does not seem to care about me(1 Post)
My son left me to live with his dad 20 months ago. When he left I just had a hysterectomy 5 months prior and spent Christmas with his dad. It was the first Christmas we're apart. His father don't have regular contact with him. But when I applied for child support 2 years prior he wanted more time during the week with my son which will be impossible as he live 20 miles away. He previously told me he can't take our son to school regularly when my I had to go overseas as part of my work.
I brought my son up for 10 years on my own before he left. I am not originally Bally from the UK so do not have family close by and never formed friendship as I had to work to bring up my son whilst also studying for postgraduate. The past 10 years my life was just my son, work and making sure our home is homely.
When I applied child support in 2014, after 8 years of supporting my son on my own, to save money for my son's university education when tuition fees was introduced. The money also allowed me and my son to travel and buy new furniture in the house. His father is a high income earner and I was getting £1k a month.
When my son returned after spending Christmas of 2015 with his dad he was changed. At that time I was also in a new relationship (5 months) with a lovely man who I can trust as a single mother to a son. We're not living together and he's a lot older than me. My son saw me very differently since his return. He's called me a gold digger and everything we used to do together became negative to him. He seem to resent me a lot. He would always antagonise me on purpose. Then came th time when we had a big argument purely because I asked him to tidy up and throw the rubbish from the food he's eaten. I was not well and was also having financial difficulty as I stopped working since my hysterectomy.
After the argument where my son threw the rubbish on my face and I reacted by smacking him without specific direction as I couldn't see, he called his dad and left. That's what my ex husband wanted for sometime since I applied for child support. He was never interested as he's got a wife who threw her 2 other children out and they were enjoying a life of a couple with no children.
Since leaving my son cut me off. I beg him to see me and all I get was rebuke. I bought him mobile phone but within 3 months I paid over £600 in phone bills. No call or data were used to contact me. I felt so alone. It affected my relationship with my then boyfriend. Then I started to get nasty text messages from the stepmother accusing me that I have abandoned my son when in fact my son never wanted to see me and his father demanded that I not see my son so he can adjust with the separation for my son's best interest.
This year I learned that the new wife tried to throw my son out just 5 months into living with them and was the reason of her nasty text messages. The alineantion tactic of my ex husband between me and my son and the punishment my son gets when his step mum cause us talking has now made my son very distant to me. My ex husband and his wife also texted me that I am now just my son's childminder.
When I became stepmother to my son exhusband's 2 children - 13 and 8 at that time - he tried to erase their mother from them. He's been convincing me that I can be his children's new mother. But I told him they only have one mother and that is the person who gave birth to them and is still very much alive who they still see. My ex hand is very manipulative. It was an abusive relationship and I was his perfect victim as I don't have any family and fiends. He isolated me and nvand r gave me any money. I was confined in our house for the 3 years I was married to him just doing chores and looking after his children especially as he travels overseas for his work. It was social services who told me to live as I can lose my son who witnessed my stepson assualted me and in my ex husband's words "black and blue".
I feel so alone. My son is really treating me like if I am just his childminder. Many times I was deprived time with my son when I refuse to look after him when my ex husband and his wife want to go on holiday. His wife would text me like as if I am a child taking take away a privilege if I didn't obey - "^if you don't follow rules you only see your son less"^.
My child would tell me he'd want to spend time with me but would deny it if his dad asks when I arrange anything. My son's behaviour towards me would change when they are looking when I drop him off. My son told me all the cruelty and control that he's going through at his dad's house. He said he's a slave and he has to do the chores as he has to pay his upkeep. He is only allowed one napkin during meal times and is contantly being observed by his step mum who would never give him any personal space.
this is not the first time I lost my son. My ex husband took him away from me when he was only 2.5 years old for 6 months when our divorced reached the financial stage and my solicitor applied to have the house as I have a baby. I stopped the financial stage and never took anything from him to get my son back. I only got my son back when decree absolute was issued. He got married 6 months after.
My son says his dad and step mum don't have any proper relationship and are always arguing. I think he want my son badly as the wife was threatening she'll get everything if they divorce. She was screaming that their house was hears when my ex husband tried to literally throw her out of the house when she tried to throw my son out.
I told my son he can always come back. But he won't. My son wanted to spend his birthday with me this year but when his dad learned I booked a meal he also arranged a gathering. My son then denied wanting to spend his birthday with me. He said he's told me he's only told me "I'll think about it and that he did not commit". I feel so hurt. My son always drops me when it's between me and his dad.
I single handedly looked after him for 10 years. It was extremely difficult as I surfed PST natal depression and full depression during the separation, divorce and losing my son for 6 months. When I got my son back I was very depress but I also had to work to support both of us. I just went on and on and on. But there were times when I was snappy and was distant to my son. I was horrible. There were times I pinch him and smack because I get very frustrated when he ruins his new school pants by playing kneeling on the floor. I give him food first and if none left I do without. I made a nice life for us as the years went. He go on holidays several times a year, he's the first child to have an iPad in his school which he told me and he has nice clothes. I saved up enough money for his university education in 2 years. Our furniture are no longer second hand. But my son told me he doesn't like our house that's why he doesn't want to see me. He's became materialistic and a slave to materialism just like his dad now.
I've not been a very good mother to my son but I put him first all the time. And if I can bring back time I would prefer not having a boyfriend to be with him. I feel so alone. I only have my son in my life. I can no longer have a child. And I am not with my boyfriend anymore. I wonder what the purpose of my life. I feel so confused.
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