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Not a good day. leukaemia diagnosis.

(976 Posts)
biscuitsandbandages Mon 14-Apr-14 03:44:10

When I woke up this morning I was a mum of 3 with an 8 week old baby.

Now im a cancer patient on thr coronary care ward.

This cannot be happening to me.

biscuitsandbandages Mon 14-Apr-14 03:47:22

Im so scared and I miss my kids so much.
Keep turning over in bed and my baby isnt there.

PoloMintCity Mon 14-Apr-14 03:55:39

I don't know what to say other than I'm so sorry this is happening to you and offering a hand to hold until someone wiser comes along.

biscuitsandbandages Mon 14-Apr-14 04:01:29

Thank you. Im not even sure why im posting. I dont post often and my phone battery is precious and will go soon. But I cant bear the loneliness.

biscuitsandbandages Mon 14-Apr-14 04:03:48

We were going to the lambing today but my chest was feeling really tight so decided to do the sensible thing and talk to ooh.

I thought they would send me home as a fraud.. bit of viral bronchitis perhaps or just unfit from being pregnant.

TheZeeTeam Mon 14-Apr-14 04:05:31

Oh you poor love! I'm in another time zone (as are loads of us!) and am wide awake if you want to talk more x

biscuitsandbandages Mon 14-Apr-14 04:10:26

Thank you. Am just wallowing a bit (a lot) have masses of lymph nodes in my chest causing pressure and fluid around my heart so am on drip and heart monitor all wired up.

I have to sort out childcare as will be in at least a month to start with for chemo.

My 8 week old darling will be with a childminder 5 days a week. Its not fair. Im on maternity leave and the boys have just left their nursery and childminders. We cant even afford childcare when im not working.

biscuitsandbandages Mon 14-Apr-14 04:11:02

Am scared I may never go home again.

PoloMintCity Mon 14-Apr-14 04:11:50

It's good that your doctor took you seriously and picked up on something not being right. Do you have everything you need in with you? Maybe make a list of stuff you might want if you have to stay in for a while to keep your mind occupied? (Phone charger? Kindle or similar? Sure others will have better ideas!) Hope you manage some rest.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi Mon 14-Apr-14 04:15:44

I'm so sorry biscuits, what an awful awful shock for you

It must be terrible being stuck in hospital but thank goodness you went to ooh when you did

I wish I knew what to say that would help but I just wanted to post to let you know I'm thinking of you and wishing you lots of strength and a fast recovery xx

stolemyusername Mon 14-Apr-14 04:16:02

Didn't want to read and not post, I have nothing more constructive to add other than I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

biscuitsandbandages Mon 14-Apr-14 04:20:02

Thank you. It helps not to be alone. Its 4am im exhausted but too scared to close my eyes.

Im desperately hoping it developed after my daughter was born and no rogue cells crossed the placenta to her.

biscuitsandbandages Mon 14-Apr-14 04:20:37

I dont want to leave them.

biscuitsandbandages Mon 14-Apr-14 04:22:34

We were going to have such a fun summer since I wasn't at work and could spend all my time with the lottlest ones. My eldest was so excited that I was going to take him to school every day and pick him up.

TheZeeTeam Mon 14-Apr-14 04:24:04

This all happened today?! Holy Cow!
Is there any way your baby can join you tomorrow? I was hospitalised with a clot on my lung when DC2 was 8 weeks old and they put me in the high dependency area of maternity so he could stay with me. Admittedly, that was a totally different thing but...

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi Mon 14-Apr-14 04:25:48

I can't begin to imagine how scared you must be, I'm guessing you're probably in shock too

If you feel you need to rest perhaps you could ask for something to help you sleep?

Just do whatever you need to do to get through this, nothing you can do or say or feel is wrong right now

If you feel comfortable telling us roughly where you are I'm sure there are mnetters who would be happy to help if they can

I'm just so sorry this is happening to you

PoloMintCity Mon 14-Apr-14 04:26:02

Do you have good RL support close by? Are there any options for your baby to spend at least some of the time with you? (I have no idea if that's feasible/advisable on the sort of ward you're in) So sorry again this is happening to you hmm

Madamecastafiore Mon 14-Apr-14 05:31:48

So sorry you are having to go through this.

I am in NE Essex and am more than willing to help if I can.

Rachie1986 Mon 14-Apr-14 05:38:40

So sorry to hear this and thinking of you. Do you have a dp who can help out with children or other rl support? Wishing there was more I could say/do

biscuitsandbandages Mon 14-Apr-14 05:52:44

My husband is at home with the children. He will be off this week but will need to go back to work so we can pay the mortgage.
It's all too much to take in.
They cant let baby stay with me as I have to be on cardiology unit plugged in. If my heart rate goes up and my oxygen levels drop they will need to drain the fluid around my heart.
When the chemo starts I will need repeated lumbar punctures and also a drip line in mu neck. I am terrified of needles. Thank you for listening.

Rachie1986 Mon 14-Apr-14 05:55:37

Listening is something we can do without a doubt - that and virtual hand holding are a given. And there is always likely to be someone around due to different time zones, feeding babies etc.

Am happy to pray for you if you wish, but know some people don't appreciate that.

Try and rest, as impossible as it seems.

biscuitsandbandages Mon 14-Apr-14 05:58:54

Please do.... and please pray that my little darlings get to keep their mummy to see them grow up.x

nannynome Mon 14-Apr-14 05:59:09

So sorry this is happening to you, I am another person willing to help in West Yorkshire. Stay strong, must be such a shock, I can't imagine and have no words. Unmumsnetty hugs, you aren't alone, there are lots of voices on here for you.

biscuitsandbandages Mon 14-Apr-14 06:01:12

The doctors have been lovely. Have spoken to 5bdifferent consultants today and a 6th is aware of me apparently. Im glad they are there but I really rather wish I was only deemed poorly enough for a junior Doctor and a friendly nurse.

biscuitsandbandages Mon 14-Apr-14 06:02:50

Thank you. Im not really comfortable saying where I am. Its south england but i really appreciate the offers of help. It feels good to talk and cry and not be strong for other people.

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