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Filing for sole parental responsibility

(8 Posts)
Mummyoftwo12 Sun 14-Oct-12 07:26:05


I have 2 children and their fathers do not see them. (I was in long relationships with my ex's so not a one night stand kind of thing lol)

Anyway, my eldest has never had contact with his father and his father has never wanted contact, he left me after I found out I was pregnant, he now has another child with someone and has no interest what so ever. So brought up my son on my own. Said father is now being made to pay Child support for my son who is now 6, it's taken 6 years, and they are taking it from his wages.

My second child, seen her father up in till around 3 months old. I had to leave due to the fact he started taking drugs and got involved with the wrong people and couldn't have my daughter around him. He refuses to pay any CS and they are at the minute getting bailiffs etc to him and there had been talk of prison, anyway he has no interest in my daughter and never has.

I met my current partner around 4 years ago and he has taken over the role of their dad. He brought my daughter up from 6 months old and my son from 17 months old. We are taking about marriage etc and we need to know where we stand.

The fathers to my children have no interest in my children and I dare say they never will, how do I go about getting sole responsibility for them as like I said I have brought them up without them in their lives. Me and my partner want to get married and we are ttc a child together. When we do get married in a couple of years, he wants to adopt my children as his own and we all have the same name etc and he will be their dad legally.

Will there be anything stopping me from doing this, can the non resident parent fight this even though they have had nothing to do with my children since they were born? My partner loves my children to death and he will do whatever it takes to adopt them as his own, but we just need to know where we stand.

The "father" of my son has only just started paying CS this year since August so will this go against us. Should I stop the payments and tell the CSA.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

mumblechum1 Sun 14-Oct-12 09:11:50

OK, if your children's fathers are on their birth certificates then you both have PR now. It is very hard to get PR revoked by a court, and I suggest that once you are married (you can't do it till then), you simply enter into a PR agreement with your new husband, so that he also has PR, in addn to yourself and the children's fathers.

It is very unlikely that you will be able to adopt, as the court doesn't look favourably on step parent adoptions. This is because it would cut your children off completely from their fathers.

So far as the name is concerned, you can do change of name deeds for them either if you get the fathers' consent or if you apply to the court (which is trickier as the court has to be convinced that it is in the child's interest to have their name changed).

CSA is entirely separate and you should certainly not take steps to stop getting it.

Whistlingwaves Sun 14-Oct-12 09:17:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lilka Sun 14-Oct-12 09:36:57


I'm an adoptive parent (not a step parent adoption though) and I know some of the law on this. You could x-post in adoptions, as there have been a few threads there in the past about step parent adoptions which get quite a few responses from people who've done it

You don't actually have to be married for your DP to adopt, as long as he has been living with them and acting as dad for several years, that is enough

Do the fathers have parental responsibility? The local authority (social services) will absolutely have to contact them if that is the case, and the best thing would be if they consented. If they do not consent and do have parental responsibility, they can certainly choose to contest the adoption, because they are legally the fathers. The courts do consider adoption a very serious step and whilst the judge can dispense with the fathers consent (overule their objection and do an adoption anyway) they won't do that unless they are absolutely sure it is the childrens best interests. This is the overiding principle the courts have and they will decide based on that primarily in all cases

If they don't have PR, their consent is not required, but they will still be interviewed and their views will be taken and considered

You start the adoption process by contacting your local authorities social services department. Social services have a duty to assess all potential adoptive parents, whether they are step parents or adopting children in care. They will carry out police checks, medical checks, collect references and then carry out interviews with you, your DP, and your children if they are old enough (your oldest is old enough to talk a bit with the SW about how he feels and what he wants, don't know how old your DD is). They also interview the fathers. They the compile a report about the situation, and recommend whether or not adoption is a good idea (although the courts make the final decision)

You and your DP need to then apply to the courts for an adoption order. You can't do this until at least 3 months after you get the ball rolling with SS. The court will then organise hearing/s to make the decisions. It could be complicated if the fathers contest. If they do grant your DP an adoption, your children will then be issued with adoption certificates listing you both as the parents

There are also alternative orders you can go for, and social services would want you to consider them before deciding adoption is definitely the right thing to attempt. The children can actually get a name change without adoption - the fathers need to consent to this if they have PR, if they don't you can change them yourself without their input

Given that your children have different fathers and circumstances - have you considered the possiblity that the courts would grant adoption for one child but not the other? Could you all acccept that if it happened?

Hope that is helpful

Collaborate Sun 14-Oct-12 10:25:58

Agree with Mumbles.

colditz Sun 14-Oct-12 10:28:49

If you tell the fathers that if they let your have sole pr, you will drop all claims to maintenance, they will probably let that happen.

It's horrible, actually, how many men are prepared to sell their children this way

Mummyoftwo12 Sun 14-Oct-12 11:19:25

Well the father is on my daughters birth cert - that is the one who refuses to pay maintainence and has not seen her since 6 months old and does not want any contact with her.

My sons father is not on the birth cert, he has been made to pay cs via the attachment of earnings and hasn't seen him since 3 months old, my son is now 6.

I have already changed my daughters name to my own as her name was my ex's. All I had to fill out was a form stating I didn't know where he was and that he hadn't seen my daughter for atleast 18 months.

Will sit down and look at all our options tonight

mumblechum1 Sun 14-Oct-12 11:51:40

If your son's father isn't on the BC and there's never been a PR agreemetn or order, he doesn't have PR so you need do nothing about his situ.

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