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Did you initially plan to have a large family?

(36 Posts)
Goostacean Wed 28-Nov-18 23:36:46

If you have 3+ children, did you always plan to have many? Or did you plan one or two and then decide to keep going? smile

I ask because I have one currently and oscillate between wanting to keep him as an only forever, now that we’ve hit an easier stage (10mo) and I’m really enjoying life, or taking the plunge and aiming for my fantasy of 5 grin

Lostmymarbles1985 Wed 28-Nov-18 23:55:31

I wanted 5. We have 4 aged from 8 to 2. My DH has had the snip but I would love it if he had it reversed and we could try for a fifth.
We need to do some work on the house and make more room next year. I think if I am still broody in 12 months he will agree.
He only wanted two in the beginning.

Goostacean Thu 29-Nov-18 11:31:35

Wow, four sounds like a handful! Almost literally 😂 I like the idea of lots, but then once DS is down for the night and I can lie in bed with my kindle, somehow one seems like the perfect number...!

Starface Thu 29-Nov-18 12:08:21

We have 3. 3rd is a few weeks old. I'm not sure whether I want a 4th or not. As DH wisely points out, let this one get a bit bigger and then decide. One at a time. I definitely don't want to be pregnant again yet at any rate.

Surely you don't need to decide whether you want 5 today do you? Just take it one pregnancy at a time.

Goostacean Thu 29-Nov-18 12:40:30

Oh yes, absolutely. I suppose it just might help with planning the age gaps (as much as one can plan, I appreciate that!).

RapunzelsRealMom Thu 29-Nov-18 12:47:07

We always planned on 4, then got an extra - pregnancy no 4 was twins!! grin

Goostacean Thu 29-Nov-18 12:48:50

Both my mum and my DH were hoping for twins this time around. 😂 Hats off to you!

ALittleBitofVitriol Thu 29-Nov-18 12:55:34

We had planned between 4 and 6. We were young and stupid idealistic! We had trouble conceiving and a few losses.

With help from the fertility specialist, we ended up having 4. They are now aged 13, 11, 8 & 5. I love having a big family.

We would still love another but no hint of a pregnancy in 5 years and I'll admit, the further out we get from baby/toddler years the less sad I am about probably not doing it again.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup Thu 29-Nov-18 13:00:21

I have 4 and wanted 6. My body can't do another pregnancy but we will still have 6-we plan to adopt.

ChocolateStash Thu 29-Nov-18 16:24:30

We always thought 4. We have 5 and we might have another one or two. I want to have our family complete in the next few years.

shecamefromgreece Thu 29-Nov-18 19:23:18

We always said four and that's what we had.
They are 13,8,5 and 4 now and it's definitely getting easier. It's still really busy especially during this school term as there is so much going on but I wouldn't change it.
I also have two step children I'm really really close too as their mum died when they were young. The eldest has a baby now and there is nothing nicer than having all 7 of them round the table especially over Christmas time.
Although they obviously squabble essentially they all get on really well and it's really lovely to be part of.

paranoiamumma Thu 29-Nov-18 19:27:52

I have had 7 pregnancies, but 6 children I always wanted 6 but when we fell pregnant with number 7 I was over the moon sadly it wasn't meant to be, I love having a big family and this time of the year is epic with a big family Christmas is never a quite affair

MissMalice Thu 29-Nov-18 19:29:49

I always wanted three. I’ve ended up with seven in total - a combination of children from first marriage, children from second marriage and step children. It requires a fair amount of organisation. We value our evenings too though so it’s all quiet time after 7.30pm or so.

flapjackfairy Thu 29-Nov-18 19:38:10

I always wanted a big family but due to having a firstborn son with special needs we decided to stop at 2 ( I boy 1 girl ) as we had a genetic risk to take into account. Then we had a surprise addition 8 yrs later who was fine and we subsequently went into fostering and now we have a long term foster child aged 12 ( been here 11 yrs ) and we have adopted our youngest foster child 2 yrs ago ( aged 4 now ). So we are mid 50s with 5 aged 28, 26, 19, 12 and 4 . I always wanted 6 but dh says enough is enough esp as both the youngest have complex needs .
So life is v hectic and v hard work but I love it and feel sad at the thought of no more to add to my brood but I am so grateful for the lovely family I have.
If you want my advice follow your dream . You won't regret it !

Cadburyssurpriseegg Thu 29-Nov-18 19:44:52

Wanted 2. Have 4.
I like having a big family but
It’s constant.

SweetheartNeckline Fri 30-Nov-18 23:33:54

I originally wanted 4, DH hadn't given it much thought but wanted children (plural). We had 3 and thought for a while we'd stick to 3, but we had a change of heart once DD3 reached aged 2 and we felt we could cope with an extra! Our fourth is due in the New Year.

DH is an only child and introvert and I worry slightly that the noise / chaos will be too much for him; they'll be 7, 5, 3 and a newborn. He's coped so far by living a half-hour walk from work so he can have regular downtime that way. He's also taken up yoga!

Cecilia2016 Sat 01-Dec-18 14:29:12

We have 4 aged 14,12, 9 & 4. We didn’t plan for 4 but after having 3 and bought a big car and a big house that’s when we decided to go for the fourth one and last one.

Hideandgo Wed 05-Dec-18 16:15:57

I always wanted 4, and now have 4. The eldest is 5, no twins. It’s really really hard. Recently, now that I’ve no newborn or pregnancy to blame for the hardness, I feel like I might have ruined a chunk of my life. But I think it will come good again when the baby hits 3/4 in 3 yrs time. It’s been 6 yrs straight of pregnancy, newborns and toddlers.

Can’t remember what the OPs question was......

rachelfrost Mon 24-Dec-18 11:45:48

Had two in a not great, but not so terrible, relationship. We were separated by the time 2nd was born. Met current lovely partner and had another two. All under 8 and have always lived together as siblings. I thought I was done at 2 and then had 3rd with new partner and then 4th was an ‘accident’/ deliberate carelessness while on the waiting list to get coil implanted.

I wasn’t sure about having a 4th and I’m glad the decision was made for me! No way I’m having 5.

Four feels like all you do is parent. All day, all night. But I’m waiting for it to get easier. (Could I ask, Hideandgo why hasn’t it go easier for you? I’m sure I’ve ruined a chunk of my life too but hoping that by the time youngest is 5 it’ll be a breeze. Your post gave me the fear...)

Sarahandduck18 Mon 24-Dec-18 11:51:20

Planned 3 had 3.

If finances and space were unlimited and could guarantee easy pregnancy/birth I’d have 2 more.

whinetime89 Mon 24-Dec-18 11:58:27

Planned 2. Felt clicky straight after number two and had 3rd 13 months later. Am definitely done my sanity couldn't take anymore

Chocolatecoffeeaddict Mon 24-Dec-18 12:15:59

I've got four and always had in my head that there would be four. I'm now sterile so there will be no more.

Whitelisbon Mon 24-Dec-18 12:22:27

Only ever wanted 1.
Had 2, then met my now dh, and we decided to try for 1.
That 1 was twins. Number 5 made an appearance 2 years later.
So we now have 5, aged 16, 12, 5, 5 and 2.
Its a handful. Loads of fun, always noisy and busy, and generally chaotic, but I love it and wouldn't have it any other way.
I get stopped by (generally) old women in the street who tell me how lucky I am, and how they wish they had lots of young children again. I also get comments from (generally) younger people who tell me I'm insane, and rather me than them.

UAEMum Mon 24-Dec-18 15:48:23

I have 5. They are 18, 16, 14, 13 and 4. First two were planned, second 2 just happened and I was persuaded by DH to go for the 5th one. Its mad and doesnt get any easier as teenage problems are more serious and worrying than when they were younger. I wouldnt change it for the World though even with the almost 20 years of exhaustion.

imip Wed 02-Jan-19 08:01:44

In my 20s, with another dp, I always wanted 4 but thought it was a little insane and thought I’d have 3. I knew I didn’t want kids in my 20s so spent a long time actively trying not to get pregnant. Meet dh in late 20s and got married early 39s, in my head still thinking 4 is crazy! Dd1 was stillborn when I was 34 and we were told we may never have live dc - that’s when I thought I’d def have 4!

Between the ages of 35 and 40, I had 4 more dds now 12, 10, 8 and almost 7. I would have loved/love more, but they are a huge handful and 2 have ASD. I was sterilised during my csection with my last dc. I’ve just gone back to work after retraining and took a long time out from work after getting dc diagnosed ehcp etc etc. Having dc didn’t ‘ruin’ my life, but in some ways I had to hit the pause button when they were younger due to the sheer constantness of it all, and then latterly to come to terms with ASD, how to support my dc etc.

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