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Dropped out of uni final year -two weeks to go!!

(42 Posts)
cantmakesenseofthis Sun 05-Jun-16 16:30:18

Last year I posted about my DS who was ready to quit uni with a year to go. He is/was on a 4 year course with a year abroad. He said that he had come to the realisation that a degree was not necessary for what he wanted to do. He wants to be a writer! After much discussion he decided to return for the final year. This week he rang me to tell me he has dropped out two weeks before his final exams. He says that he wishes that he had had the balls to walk away from uni at the point that he realised what he wanted to do in life and now he feels unshackled and free. He says the pressure of revising for something he no longer wanted was too much and he insists that a degree is not necessary in todays world. I am struggling to understand why he didn't just complete the damn thing and persue his dream. He has managed to secure a job and plans to continue writing. I wonder if he will get any recognition/certificate for the years he has done and whether he is able to transfer credits at a later date. I am horrified at what he has done, cannot understand it and am fearful about his decision making ability. I know I should step back now and I will but I cannot understand how my seemingly bright DS threw away a degree from a Russell Group uni with such wild abandon.

ThatsMyStapler Sun 05-Jun-16 16:33:48

how did you post so many times????

legotits Sun 05-Jun-16 16:34:32

Tfft I thought my eyes had exploded.

educatingarti Sun 05-Jun-16 16:38:17

Accept your boy for who and what he is. He has a job, and a clear sense of direction in what he wants to do. Tell him you still love him, support him and accept him. Make sure you actually tell him that even if you think he already knows it. Everything else will sort itself out given time. He might be able to get a diploma of undergraduate studies for the two years he has completed but he must be the one tobask for and want this.

I still have dreams/ nightmares about doing exactly this (although didn't actually) and the struggle of telling my parents! He will have been feeling incredibly unhappy.

meowli Sun 05-Jun-16 16:48:28

I have to say I would be pretty furious if any of my dc did this with 2 weeks to go. Not that university is the be all and end all - it isn't, but all that money down the drain - doesn't bear thinking about!

Try and be philosophical about it, though. You can't go back, only move on, and at least he knows what he wants to do, unlike many graduates, who then go on to accrue more debt while they do a Masters, to give them some more thinking time!

insan1tyscartching Sun 05-Jun-16 16:51:05

It's your son's choice and you have to accept it really. It sounds like he felt pressured into returning and has probably been struggling for the last year with your expectations. As pp says let him know you fully support his decision and are there for him whatever path he chooses.
He's secured employment he is happy with which is something many of his peers will struggle with in spite of their degrees.
FWIW ds chose not to go to uni but went straight into employment, eight years after his decision he has a degree and a masters both funded by his employer,no student debt and a salary at least £10k pa higher than his friends who went to uni,even the Oxbridge ones, so choosing something other than the expected route isn't necessarily a disaster.

Penfold007 Sun 05-Jun-16 16:59:03

No degree and all that debt! I'd be a disappointed as well but agree it's his adult choice.

mumeeee Sun 05-Jun-16 17:17:15

It's his choice but it does seem a waste of all those years of work to end up with no degree. I would encourage him to rethink and take those final exams. A degree might be useful to him in the future.
However he is an adult so while you can advise him in the end you just have to accept his decision

PerspicaciaTick Sun 05-Jun-16 17:22:38

What is the real reason for not sitting his exams? Has he realised that he simply hasn't done any of the work? It has the feel of a kneejerk reaction to a crisis rather than a carefully considered part of a plan.

Aphie Sun 05-Jun-16 17:25:56

I dropped out of uni in January of my final year. I got a diploma of higher education and the 2 years of credits. Yes you can take the credits and finish with a degree by completing a course. I never felt better than the day I quit. It had left me in a very low place and wish I'd not gone back for that final year. I think you just have to accept his choice.

I think you need to focus on his emotional well-being at the moment.
How is he feeling about it all?
Are his friends being supportive as well as family?
Good that he has plans and a job to go to.
Not an easy thing to do, make sure he's OK as he makes this transition from Uni to work.
I'd also say he still has those years of Uni experience and that will count for a lot to him personally.
My Uni years were more valuable in themselves than for the degree I picked up at the end of it flowers

kitkat1968 Tue 07-Jun-16 20:08:16

His emotional well being, my arse!! What an utter idiot and a coward!

Is it a done deal? Have the final exam actually happened.Is there any chance he can do teh resits and salvage something from this train wreck?
what is this job he has managed to secure?

Chilver Tue 07-Jun-16 20:17:47

Can he get mitigating circumstances and study over the summer whilst working and sit exams in Aug? Seems silly to throw away hard work two weeks away from finals.

As an employer I would seriously consider whether I would hire someone who has no commitment or follow through despite not liking the task (not all tasks in the working world are ones he'll want to do, but still need to be dine!)

eatyourveg Tue 07-Jun-16 22:35:06

Do you know that he has been in lectures all year or has he been missing them to the extent that he effectively dropped out earlier in the year but didn't say anything until now?

mumeeee Tue 07-Jun-16 23:44:09

I was going to say can he get mitigating circumstances but that maybe to late now. DD3 applied for and has been granted mitigating circumstances as she had a bit of a break down and wasn't able to complete her last assignment properly. But the dead line for applying at her university was 10 days ago.
However maybe it would be a good idea for him to talk to his tutor

I'm amazed and shocked that some can be so dismissive of his well-being at what is bound to be a difficult, transitional time.
Our young men can be so vulnerable, sadly I have personal experience of this. Not this exact situation, but losing a young person in our wider family at a young age.
That's why I have a different perspective and think it has to be his decision and would want to give lots of support. That wouldn't rule out looking at all options including some already mentioned.
Thinking of you all and hoping he can move forward positively from this point with all your loving support x

P1nkP0ppy Wed 08-Jun-16 07:34:54

I'd be very disappointed but do my best to support him, he's made the decision and it's him who has to live with the outcome including, I presume, a large student loan to repay.
It's really sad that his unhappiness hadn't been picked up by the university much sooner; with appropriate support he might have finished the course.

DrDreReturns Wed 08-Jun-16 07:41:25

I have a couple of friends who stayed at University until the end of their final year but didn't end up with a qualification. They really struggled to find a good job afterwards. It sounds to me like he's done no work and it's either dropping out or failing. Dropping out of a course early doors seems to be OK with employers, but staying for the duration od the course and having nothing to show for it is a major no no.

People can have all sorts of different experiences of going to Uni that can be valuable in themselves even if they don't come out at the end of it with a degree.
And regarding any student loans these are provided within an excellent scheme whereby re-payment only occurs when and whilst the person is earning over 21K, so in a position to do so. (Of course free and with a grant as in my day would be even better)
But life happens and we have to find the best way forwards from the place we are in.

notagiraffe Wed 08-Jun-16 08:50:42

I don't agree with posters who say it's his adult choice. That's a very immature, short sighted choice he's making which shows he lacks adult maturity.
FWIW, I tried to do this too. My dad locked me in a room with him and lectured me until I agreed to stick it out. I got a good degree. Thought it was useless and pointless for ten years. Then changed career direction and suddenly found it opened door after door. Still does. SO glad my dad bullied me into staying.
He may not be behaving like an adult, but he's not a child either. He can handle two weeks of stress and sit the exams, however he does in them.

esornep Wed 08-Jun-16 09:02:22

It's really sad that his unhappiness hadn't been picked up by the university much sooner; with appropriate support he might have finished the course.

I would bet you that it was picked up and that a lot of support was offered.

A student who drops out 2 weeks before exams usually does so because they know they are going to fail and haven't done any work all year (despite considerable support from academics).

That might be the right course of action for some, but not necessarily for everyone giraffe? Well done to you though for sticking with it.

As a bottom line I think it's so important that our young people learn and know that there are always options, and that those choices are theirs to make.

Of course that doesn't mean not acknowledging that all our choices have consequences. But things can often work out OK in a variety of ways.

StopLookingAtMyAccount Wed 08-Jun-16 09:52:31

How sad. I'm not suprised you are worried.

I really doubt he has given up now. I expect it's far more likely that he gave up months ago but is only just owning up to it to you and possibly himself.

I don't think there is much you can do, it is his life. sad I'd be pissed off if he has been accepting money but not being honest about quitting. We fund our DCs completely through Uni and are upfront that we only want to fund them if they take it seriously. Yes, they are adults but they are adults who we are supporting.

If he ends up as a struggling writer then he probably won't have to pay back much of his student loan anyhow. confused

It can be hard to know if a MH issue. Has he has problems in the past?

StopLookingAtMyAccount Wed 08-Jun-16 09:53:15

Sorry for typos

Wishfulmakeupping Wed 08-Jun-16 09:54:44

Has he already missed the exams op?

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