Do you have to supply reference for an ex-partner willing to foster?

[MH3006]

Hello,
My dad and stepmum are looking to foster. I haven't had much contact with him since they separated (when I was 1 - now 26) and have had zero contact for 10 years. My brother lives with him and I have regular contact with my brother
Recently my mum and I were contacted by social services to provide references for him as a potential foster carer. Apparently they have to speak to ex-partners by law and are inclined to speak to all children.
Both of us told the SW on the phone we wanted nothing to do with this, but since finding out their marriage ended on bad terms (domestic violence) and hearing of my estranged relationship with him which is also on bad terms - she now wants to speak to us in person.
I can't find any legislation to confirm what/how much we need to tell them - if anything. Both are worried about any potential repercussions if he is rejected as a carer. He'll know it was one of us who hindered the process. Any insight into this would be really helpful.

[ZigZagIntoTheBlue]

Can you tell SS that you're scared of the repercussions? That will basically tell them everything they need to know anyway!

[BasicUsername]

Send a reference. There's no rule saying it has to be a good one.

"Dear Sirs / Madam,

I write with reference to your recent request for a reference for my father, Mr XXX.

I can confirm that I have not had contact with my father for over ten years, therefore I am unable to comment on his suitability for his role as a foster career.

Kind regards,

OP."

[BasicUsername]

From your mum:

"Dear Sir / Madam,

I write with reference to your recent request for a reference for my ex husband, Mr XXX.

I can confirm that we divorced in 19XX, following a number of domestic violence incidents.

I have not maintained contact with Mr XXX since, therefore I am unable to comment on his suitability on his role as a foster carer.

Kind regards,

OP's mum."

[MargaretDribble]

I think the fact that they want to speak to you is a good sign from the point of view of any potential foster children.
You wouldn't really recommend him as a foster carer would you?
We have family members who are foster carers and the vetting process was quite intrusive for us, but better that than have a fostering placement go wrong.
I suggest you go down the route of saying as little as possible, whilst being truthful.
I understand your fears about repurcussions but foster carer applications can be turned down for many reasons including unsuitability of accommodation and perceived problems with the relationship between the foster carers. His background is already ringing alarm bells for SS or they wouldn't be so keen to follow you up.

[ApolloandDaphne]

I sit on a fostering and adoption panel. I can tell you that they want to hear everything - the good and the bad. If you had a bad experience being parented by him then they will want to know why so they can explore it with him and assess whether or not to accept him. If he was a terrible parent and hasn't changed you wouldn't want him to be caring for a vulnerable child, would you?

[MH3006]

Thanks all for your advice; luckily they had done their research into old SS and court files so we only had to shed light on situations they were already aware of.

[ApolloandDaphne]

That's good news. I am assuming they may not be accepted as carers?

[MargaretDribble]

Good news OP.