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Got myself in a bit of a mess, eating issues and self harm

(80 Posts)
ABitWrong Mon 09-Feb-09 21:37:27

Have had ishoos with both in the past but now I'm in trouble again.

I am cutting my arms, which I know is not ideal, but it relieves the pressure in my head.

I also have eating problems stacking up. These take different forms. Sometimes I simply can't eat, sometimes I crave food but am scared to eat. Eating makes me feel guilty.
I love the light-as-air feeling I get when I am running on very little food.
But I'm feeling trapped by it. I don't know how to get back to normal.
I am also vey scared that it will go beyondmy control.

ABitWrong Mon 09-Feb-09 23:12:35

I'm the only total weirdo freak then.

RockinSockBunnies Mon 09-Feb-09 23:19:19

Just come across this and didn't want to let it go unanswered.

In terms of the self-harm, have there been periods in the past where you didn't cut yourself? If so, what triggered you to stop in the past and what's made things start again? Ditto with food?

I know how good it can feel to self-harm, instantly relaxing in a weird way and offering a way of coping, but long-term it's not ideal if you think that things could again spiral out of control.

Do you have any tactics or strategies that you've used in the past to get through a crisis?

ABitWrong Mon 09-Feb-09 23:30:40

I think I just stopped because I was happier. I am so low atm.
Cutting and starving are my coping strategies.

RockinSockBunnies Mon 09-Feb-09 23:34:45

Are you on any medication/seeing anyone about the issues?

ABitWrong Mon 09-Feb-09 23:39:36

I have just started taking St Johns Wort again. I'm not seeing anybody about it. I want to sort it out myse;f really, I just can't work out how.

brightongirldownunder Mon 09-Feb-09 23:59:11

You can't sort it out yourself, believe me. You need to talk to someone - either a close friend/family member or a professional.
If you are that low, how on earth can you get better? Talking from personal experience (on the eating side of things) its essential that you try and find out what exactly is making you so low. Work on from that.
I lived with someone who self harmed and she scarred herself so much but refused to tell me what was wrong. Please don't let it get so out of control that you can't stop.
What makes you happy? As a temporary solution (until you can chat to someone) - do something every day that you know will make you feel good. Even if it is going for a nice walk, having a cuppa at your favourite cafe, buying a new cd.... Just something to remind you that your life can be good regardless of the negatives.
Stay on here - there are loads of people to help you.

ABitWrong Tue 10-Feb-09 00:01:04

Thanks.

Janni Tue 10-Feb-09 00:35:01

I totally second brightongirl's post. You absolutely must get some help with this before it spirals. Well done for talking about it here - that's a good first step. I had an eating disorder for years and when I worked as a mental health nurse I worked with self-harmers and eating disorder sufferers. You are using these behaviours to help you cope with feelings that seem too painful to confront but the behaviours are going to end up causing you more trouble than if you had some counselling to look at what's really troubling you. Please get a referral from your GP or phone and talk to a BEAT counsellor (I think that's the current name for the Eating Disorders Association). Just don't think it's going to go away on its own and please believe me when I say that life is INFINITELY better without these addictive behaviours. Good luck x

swoosh Tue 10-Feb-09 03:41:27

Oh, ABitWrong sad

I wish I could help. I'm afraid I agree with needing to see someone. I know you really don't want to, and the thought is scary - telling someone is hard and it is always a worry that there may be consequences. But, I think, in your case, the only consequences would be help.

I don't know what to tell you but I am sorry sad

brightongirldownunder Wed 11-Feb-09 13:22:12

How are you today?

OldLadyKnowsNothing Wed 11-Feb-09 13:27:08

My friend also self-harms and has eating issues - both anorexia and bulimia - and she's just started counselling. Re the cutting, her counsellor suggested wearing an elastic band on her wrist to twang when the urge to cut appears.

ABitWrong Wed 11-Feb-09 15:07:17

Thank you all.

I hadn't heard of the elastic band thing OldLady.

I'm trying to pull myself up but it's hard. I am losing control of it. I have emailed the BEAT helpline.

Thanks again.

Unbuffy Thu 12-Feb-09 21:29:31

Been there, done it. both 'it's. all i can say is YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT. it is really awful and yet the only way of feeling in control of your life. you can control what you put in your body, so your mind feels you can control what goes in there. you can control what and where it hurts, so it doesn't hurt so much inside. my darling, it sucks. i really, honestly feel for you. it's a terrible feeling and so often we feel ashamed and want to hide what we do. so we wear long sleeves and pretend we've eaten. and for a while it works... but I'm afraid it's true, in the end you have to talk it out with someone who knows what they're doing, and i'm afraid it may take a long time to sort out. and it's horrible handing your life and your secrets over to a stranger but really, trust me, it can be done. and it helps in the long run. look, take it from someone who's been there and had to work really hard at it but got there. it ends. it does, honestly, not go on forever. you can be safe and in control without damaging yourself. there are always ways out. it's finding them that's the hard bit. and it'll be the best thing you ever do.

all the luck and love in the world to you.

ABitWrong Thu 12-Feb-09 23:52:36

Thank you Unbuffy.

I keep thinking this is getting better but I think it's getting worse sad

crunchyontheinside Thu 12-Feb-09 23:57:01

There are a couple of safe ways to have the sensation of harm.

Holding ice cubes is one, running wrists under ice cold water (NOT HOT), scribbling frantically on paper, twanging an elastic actually hurts a LOT more than you would think.

ABitWrong Fri 13-Feb-09 00:02:12

Thank you, I will bear that in mind.

I am most scared about my eating probs atm, they are overshdowing everything else.

crunchyontheinside Fri 13-Feb-09 00:06:29

if they are scaring you then please talk it out in RL with a GP or someone.

bit hard for me to advise on the eating side. I have, apparently, warped views on what is normal and not and what is sensible and nothmm

I am not abandoning you, i need to go to bed. will check back though x

frumpygrumpy Fri 13-Feb-09 00:07:34

As someone who took years to seek help from a counsellor for depression I would tell you that once I'd got over the initial embarrassment at finding myself there.........it was a breeze. I couldn't quite bring myself to say some of what I needed to and so I wrote a bullet point list. It made it easier to get out why I was there.

Why wait? Is there a good reason to wait? You are hurting and sore. let someone fix you

ABitWrong Fri 13-Feb-09 00:08:37

i think I'm pretty warped myself grin

ABitWrong Fri 13-Feb-09 00:12:11

Thank you frumpygrumpy. I think I am just a big coward.

AxisofEvil Fri 13-Feb-09 00:13:03

Totally agree you should got to see the GP. I'd see what they suggest but if you do feel you need the physical release that self harming gives then tricks such as the elastic band someone else mentioned or using ice cubes to crush or numb skin may give a similar feeling without any permanent damage.

[hugs]

ABitWrong Fri 13-Feb-09 00:14:23

Oh, I think I am a hug addict also.

ABitWrong Fri 13-Feb-09 00:15:13

Thank you AxisofEvil, you don't sound evil to me.

frumpygrumpy Fri 13-Feb-09 00:21:06

Coward? No. Maybe you just have yet to realise that you are worth more than this. That you have a lovely humour and that you are worth feeling like that through and through all of the time.

You can lie on your deathbed and wish you had faced your problems head on. Or you can lie there and say you fixed things and made the best of the stuff you love.

Fix you. You are lovely. And you care.

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