God I sound so pathetic but I really can't do this anymore.
I haven't slept more than an hour a night for weeks, I'm exhausted, snappy, tearful and a general pain in the arse. I'm on medication for complex ptsd but nothing seems to work. I'm waiting for the mental health team to get in touch but it's been weeks and heard nothing.
I don't know how much more I can cope with, especially with no sleep 
and of course it's the school holidays which makes everything worse. The guilt of not being able to do much with dds is killing me.
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Mental health
I just want to disappear
91 replies
CuppaBiccieBliss · 20/07/2015 13:30
OP posts:
CuppaBiccieBliss ·
20/07/2015 18:20
bump I haven't stopped crying this evening. Why can't I just be bloody normal!
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ButEmilylovedhim ·
20/07/2015 18:28
Poor you! Lots of sympathy from me. It might be worth ringing the mental health team to update them and ask for some help more quickly. Tell them exactly how you are, the lack of sleep etc. I think the squeakiest wheel gets the oil, unfortunately. Feel for you with the kids off as well. It does make everything harder. 
and 
and 
for you. And a hug 
CuppaBiccieBliss ·
20/07/2015 18:56
Thank you 
I think I'll try and phone them tomorrow. It just feels as though no one really cares, sound pathetic don't I.
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Getuhda348 ·
20/07/2015 19:39
Can't really help. But just to say your not alone. I often feel the same suffer from extreme anxiety that causes depression. Sending best wishes to you
CuppaBiccieBliss ·
20/07/2015 20:44
Thank you
I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I'm running out of options, would the kids really notice of I wasn't here? I'm no use to them like this
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Getuhda348 ·
20/07/2015 23:25
They would notice and your not replaceable. You deserve to be hear and happy. I always see my depression as a person who I shout stuff to and tell to f* off 
sounds crazy but helps me. Please ring the mental health team or at least go again to your gp as they can get the crisis team to you. Not as scarey as it sounds!people come round to you and talk to you and assess what's the best next step for you . But sometimes it's good just to talk to them. You matter
CuppaBiccieBliss ·
21/07/2015 14:11
Thanks again
Have phoned the mental health team, apparently my referral has gone missing. Ffs I'm fighting a losing battle. My gp is on holiday, no appointments with any other female gp ( I couldn't cope with seeing a male ) I don't know what to do. Dds are watching a film while I sit in the kitchen trying not to cry I need a rest from it all.
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CuppaBiccieBliss ·
21/07/2015 15:13
Thanks pulled
The mental health team said they ate going to phone the gp practice and phone me back, although looking at the time now I doubt it will be today.
Dp will be home at 4, he couldn't leave any earlier but has managed to take a few days off so I'm not alone. I will ask him to call the gp, I think I would just burst into tears.
I have managed to get the girls outside decorating the patio with chalk, at least they are happy. I just hate being like this around them
I still haven't managed any sleep either so I am totally running on empty.
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CuppaBiccieBliss ·
21/07/2015 15:37
All of your kind messages are making me cry, in a nice way
I sometimes feel as though I expect too much, I don't really feel worthy of any help tbh. I feel I didn't do enough to change my circumstances which have caused the ptsd.
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CuppaBiccieBliss ·
21/07/2015 16:21
Oh I do feel very guilty. I'm like an anchor around my family.
Dp has phoned the gp, I'm on the call back waiting list, and he only got offered that because he told them how worried he was. I just feel like giving up. I spend my nights in tears out of sheer frustration about not being able to sleep, and my days panicking, crying and dealing with flashbacks
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Pulledapart ·
21/07/2015 17:09
Oh cuppa I'm sure your family love you and you are absolutely not an anchor around them although I understand how it may feel like that. Flashbacks are horrible and I'm speaking from first hand experience. There are days I cannot function at all because of them. Be kind to yourself all I can say is you will get through this.
I'm glad your DH was able to make the call and really hope your G.P is helpful when he/she rings back.
CuppaBiccieBliss ·
21/07/2015 18:21
Thank you
The gp phoned back, have a prescription for zopiclone and the crisis team are coming out first thing tomorrow. I am praying for at least some sleep.
I just wish I could see a way forward from this.
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CuppaBiccieBliss ·
21/07/2015 19:44
Dp has sent me to bed with netflix, a cuppa and will bring my tablets up later. I'm feeling a little more positive
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PurpleDaisies ·
21/07/2015 19:47
Your dp sounds lovely. It is amazing what healing properties a nice cup of tea has.
Everything is worse through the veil of tiredness. Really hope the zopiclone gives you a good night's sleep and things continue to feel more positive in the morning.
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CuppaBiccieBliss ·
21/07/2015 20:09
He is a good'n. And yes a cuppa does make all the difference here's hoping to some sleep x
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