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Undeserved bursary

(314 Posts)
Hamstersball Sat 16-Mar-13 23:13:20

I know a child that has been offered a very substantial bursary at my dd's independent school. She has passed the academic selection process and on the surface can be very charming, able to talk to grown ups at ease etc. However we have known her for several years as dd1 and her are in the same brownies pack and her behaviour has always been dreadful: picking fights with other dc, racist and foul language, lying when confronted, bullying other children. I can only conclude that her school lied between their teeth about her when they gave her a reference to support her bursary application as several mothers who know her at school say her behaviour is also dreadful there. I'm really tempted to inform dd's school about the true nature of this child and want to know if anyone has done something similar and what was the outcome.

ihearsounds Sun 17-Mar-13 00:37:51

You know nothing about the girls needs. You just know a small section of her life.

Fwiw. Years ago, my eldest was offered a bursary. He was offered it because of challenging behavior. But within the public info about bursaries it wasn't mentioned, because at the end of the day these can be discretionary. So no, you shouldn't say a thing because you have no proof that the new school aren't fully aware of various issues.

Labro Sun 17-Mar-13 00:38:27

So, now, according to you, the girl has managed to fool a brownie leader, 2 head teachers and a board of governors when you know all the facts? If she was so bad at camp then why didn't you/haven't you complained to your district commissioner about it and the Brown Owl you have decided is 'thick' and asked to see the behaviour policy girl guiding uses? As said above, you have no way of knowing what leads to this type of behaviour in an activity group and you don't have any access to this childs details. Perhaps you ought to offer to do the full leadership training for Brownies?

Hamstersball Sun 17-Mar-13 00:41:13

I was completely shocked by her " turn" and got up to speak to the leaders about how inaapropriate it was as soon as I realise what she was doing The leaders are old school and didn't even register how offensive it was until I explained it to them, then they bundled her off pretty quick. DD has said she doesn't want to attend the pack anymore as this girl's behaviuor is getting to her and the leaders are ineffectual at dealing with it. I do think my dd being constantly exposed on a daily basis to the behaviour of this girl at school is my concern especially when the school had a pick of candidates for the bursary. How hard is it to choose an academic and well behaved child? I have lost all faith that the bursary scheme helps the most deserving.

beginnings Sun 17-Mar-13 00:45:48

This is a CHILD you're talking about. Can you hear yourself??

Labro Sun 17-Mar-13 00:47:25

No, it is not your concern.
This child has not started the school, therefore there is no evidence that anyone else is any more or less deserving. We are not given the right to judge other peoples actions based on a small slice of their lives. The only valid concern you may have is that you would prefer your dd to be in a different tutor group. You do j

Labro Sun 17-Mar-13 00:50:52

should say, you do not have all the confidential paperwork of all the bursary candidates in front of you so how on earth do you know who is a deserving applicant and who isn't? It sounds like one of your friends children didn't get a bursary therefore you are looking for reasons to slate the whole system.

Hamstersball Sun 17-Mar-13 00:51:59

Yes it is a child and unfortunately I'm having to tell it as it is. I wonder how many of you would stand for this sort of behaviour and not express your concerns to the school. Unfortunately over the years I've come to see her behaviour as entrenched and not easy to change regardless of whatever school she goes to.

ihearsounds Sun 17-Mar-13 00:55:04

So that's it, just give up on the child? Send her to the most shittiest of schools around because there is no point in giving her anything.

You know nothing about this girl. You don't know about her home life. You don't know if she has experienced something traumatic. You don't know if she has sn and if it has been advised to ignore certain behaviors.

Hamstersball Sun 17-Mar-13 00:55:27

None of my friends dc applied for the bursary the dc that did apply that I know of were from the brownie pack, swimming class and a work colleague's child

KatieMiddleton Sun 17-Mar-13 00:58:05

Brownies? So she's 9 at most? She is still learning social skills.

I feel more sorry for her than you on this one.

SoggySummer Sun 17-Mar-13 00:58:16

Perhaps the school are well aware. Perhaps there is a back story to her behaviour and the school think they can offer her a positive chance in life. Perhaps the school think she is deserving because they know all about her and you dont.

You have assumed her existing school has lied. You have assumed she is the way she is because she is horrid.

You know very few facts.

I know my DDs independent school have a few children there that have had challenging backgrounds and started with challenging behaviour and although they cannot fix what goes on out of school they have given some of these children something postive in their life and some self belief which has resulted in improved behaviour. I know for a fact these children are not paying the full fees to attend either.

Private schools do not buy your child a place away from the undesirables - our children will grow up into a world full of people that can be unpleasant and the earlier they see and learn how to deal with this the better.

IMO - you need to back off but if concerned for your child approach the school saying there is history and you want them preferably in different forms (if possible) or not to be deliberatly paired together.

Hamstersball Sun 17-Mar-13 01:02:18

Our goes up to 10 -11 and shes startig secondary school in Sept. I'm going to have to sleep on this one thanks for all your comments/ advice.

Labro Sun 17-Mar-13 01:02:56

By all means express your concerns to the school, in relation to how your dd finds it difficult to be around this child. I'm very confused how on earth you know her behaviour to be entrenched in a school setting when you have never seen her in a school setting? Brownies is once a week, for an hour and a half, with all girls, in a completely different environment to school. For what its worth, last summer my ds nearly got sent home from scout camp because the leader decided he had 'behaviour issues' when he returned it was referred to the district commissioner and discovered that the leader had humiliated him when he wet himself and he was home sick and way out of his comfort zone. In hindsight I should never have sent him on that camp. That doesn't follow him in school, so in your example its time to see the bigger picture, step away and wait until you have FACTS.

akaemmafrost Sun 17-Mar-13 01:06:30

If I found out you had done this to my child I would seek legal advice.

Hamstersball Sun 17-Mar-13 01:13:21

I have a few friends whose dc goes to the same primary school as this child and they says her behaviour in school is appalling. One friend's dd told me this girl had been put in internal exclusion at school several times for bullying. An acquaintance who works in an afterschool club told me she hates the days when this girl turns up as shes bolcshy and forever winding up the other dc.

Hamstersball Sun 17-Mar-13 01:15:52

Akaemmafrost on what grounds?

Rhinosaurus Sun 17-Mar-13 01:17:24

Geeeeeezz. So jealous.

KatieMiddleton Sun 17-Mar-13 01:20:20

Urgh. This is so unpleasant. Gossiping and the breach of confidentiality from the after school club just makes me think worse of you op.

This looks like a witch hunt.

I really hope you do the wise thing and wind your neck in.

Hamstersball Sun 17-Mar-13 01:21:26

Not jealous, just trying to protect my child. If the bursary had gone to a someone who met all the criteria and was able to behave themself and not cast racial insults at others willy nilly, then I would applauding the scheme.

Hamstersball Sun 17-Mar-13 01:22:44

Anyway I'm really going to go to bed now. Goodnight!

ihearsounds Sun 17-Mar-13 01:33:14

This just gets better. What nasty, gossiping adults you all are. And you have the nerve to work with children. You and your mate need to go and work elsewhere. You clearly have no clue with regards to well, anything.

You are trying to protect your child, from what, another child... And oohh here's a shocker for you. Some of the none bursary children can be a whole lot worse than this child. Has this not occurred to you?

Labro Sun 17-Mar-13 01:34:59

last comment from me, surely reading back your comments you can clearly see that they are based on heresay and gossip? One person at a club said this, another CHILD told you that. None of it is concrete evidence and has no bearing on why this particular child was offered a place and a bursary. Sounds like its time to stop asking questions of everybody you can think of who has even a remote connection to this child ( why would another child feel the need to tell you about an internal exclusion?) and wait and see what actually happens.

piprabbit Sun 17-Mar-13 03:20:55

I'm sure that there will be plenty of other children at your independent school who are also socially immature, ill-behaved, potential bullies. Will you also be campaigning to have them expelled from the school - or will you turn a blind eye if their parents can afford full fees?

ravenAK Sun 17-Mar-13 03:49:46

The bursary is awarded at the discretion of the school.

Nobody has asked you to sit on a selection committee to distribute bursaries based on your personal opinion of potential recipients - because it is NOT YOUR CONCERN. You don't work for the school, you aren't a governor, you aren't a philanthropic donor of a bursary.

It has about as much to do with you as the school's choice of carpet for the Head's study.

Beak out.

Chubfuddler Sun 17-Mar-13 04:03:22

I fear despite the multitude of responses telling you to mind your own, you will sleep on it, awake convinced of your own righteousness and fire off an email to the governors which makes you look like a complete idiot.

Hopefully the school will make allowances for your daughter.

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