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Page 2 | TTC after loss penguins get fit & healthy in 2020

(762 Posts)
BunnytheBlueWhale Mon 30-Dec-19 20:29:41

This is the thread for those of us in the TTC after loss penguin huddle who want to try to eat a more healthy diet, exercise more, lose weight or just feel better physically this year
@MrsMGE @Avocuddles @MissSparkles81 @SunshineCrocodile @Mumlili8 @VenusStarr @SunStruck

If I’ve missed anyone please tag them

How about we start by saying what our goals are whether that he the number on the scale, doing more exercise or just feeling better about ourselves?

I’m BunnytheBlueWhale (NC recently - see TTC thread). I’m 35 and probably weigh about a stone more than I’d like since I had my stillborn daughter in February. I don’t need to lose weight massively but having post-baby weight and no baby is a bit rubbish!

I’d like to lose a bit of a weight all over and also target my belly with brushing, moisturising and maybe microneedling at home...

I eat a lot of sugary snacks so want to massively reduce those and also try to take a healthy lunch to work to stop me spending so much money on food!

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LASandOtto Tue 31-Dec-19 13:58:13

Posted too fast! 🙄

@MrsMGE I hope you have a great party tonight!

OH and I are going to see Starwars today (I am not a massive fan personally but OH is) and we aren't celebrating NY especially, but tomorrow we are meeting some friends for brunch and then off to a day party thing (not sure what that'll entail?)!

LASandOtto Tue 31-Dec-19 14:02:40

Oh my daaaaaaays whyyyyy does it keep posting when I haven't finished typing

@BunnytheBlueWhale for some reason it's not allowing me to tag you properly so let's see if this works!!

The Invisalign might be a great snack deterrent! I usually snack when I am bored, so I really want to limit that.

I also gave up vaping a weeks ago and that's affected my snacking a lot! But going to persevere and try ways to distract myself!

@avocuddles lovely you've joined too! 🥳. Happy we are all focusing on other things aside of TTC!

@Seahawk80 hope you're feeling good and some nice walks might be good way to keep fit? X

Seahawk80 Tue 31-Dec-19 14:08:19

@MrsMGE well said! I think it's normal to just want to hide away after a loss (and stuff my face while doing it)

@dublino welcome! I also have PCOS end am on metformin it does discourage me from overdoing it on rich food as I feel awful afterwards!

tortiecat Tue 31-Dec-19 14:18:24

Hi all - please may I join? I am a long-term user but have name changed for this thread.

I had to have a tfmr in April at just under 24 weeks following a devastating diagnosis for baby at my 20 week scan. That was my first pregnancy and I have not yet been able to fall pregnant again since - I am sure my weight and stress levels have a lot to do with this! I am almost 33, could definitely do with losing a stone and calming the fuck down.

Does anyone have any ideas for non sugary, wholesome (not keen on sweeteners etc) and portable snacks please? I eat decent main meals but chocolate bars and cake are my downfall!!! My only hobby right now is going to the gym (barre, spin, pilates and yoga classes) and I have stuck with it for a couple of months, but following in hope of other self care ideas too.

I am so sorry for all your losses (and thrilled and hopeful for the poster who is already pregnant again): hope there is joy for all of us in 2020!

Shefliesonherownwings Tue 31-Dec-19 16:03:21

Hi all, anyone have any big plans tonight?

My mum came over to see me today and we were planning a nice long walk but it's raining here so instead we ended up going for a drive and a pub lunch. I had a sandwich and salad but not the healthy day I was planning. DH wants to cook something special tonight which will probably be calorific and with a couple of glasses of wine I think today will be a write off. Am hoping to get to the gym Thursday and friday at least.

Other than a nice meal we have no plans tonight. Sleep this week has been dire so would love to be in bed and sound out before 12 to be honest. Really cannot wait for this year to be over. sad

BunnytheBlueWhale Tue 31-Dec-19 16:38:24

@LASandOtto Same. I sit and snack while watching tv and at work... so I think it might make me form better eating habits! Giving up vaping is a great thing if you can do it

Welcome @tortiecat I’m sorry for your losses. I’m trying to find better snacks too. I like the bars that are all fruit (Naked?). Fruit is good. I like bananas and satsumas and grapes. Nuts and raisins. I know nuts and raisins have a lot of calories but I see them as wholesome snacks 😬 I like rice cakes and popcorn. Yogurt.... I’m probably not the best person to say 😂

@Shefliesonherownwings We are invited to my friend’s house tonight but it’s in another city and so it will be difficult to get home. Trains will stop at about half 11 and it’s a long way for a taxi. Plus I’m tired as I went for my root canal then popped into see my mum as she lives near the dentist but ended up taking her to the doctor’s and then shopping so I’m tired now...

I’ve just had a ham and cheese sandwich as the numbing in my mouth has worn off and I plan to make a lasagne with aubergine and courgetti instead of pasta sheets. Haven’t done it before but love courgetti.

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MrsMGE Wed 01-Jan-20 08:42:47

Hey girls! Happy 2020 🌺🌺🌺

Hope yesterday was good for all of you, whether it meant sleeping through, having a quiet one or a wild one, it doesn't matter. We did it. We survived last year and this is what matters.

There is a slight sadness in the fact that our babies who we've lost won't be here in 2020. However, they will never be forgotten or the thing of the past. We have our lives to live, and we'll live them always carrying our little ones in our hearts. Nothing will ever take this precious thing away from us.

I feel the wind of change, today is a fresh start and long may it continue ❤️

On that note, I spoke to my mum yesterday and we sort of reconciled. We'll see how it goes. I can be a very hard and unforgiving person, especially if I'm deeply hurt by someone. Usually because I wear my heart on my sleeve if I love someone and don't take it very well if they doesn't appreciate it by being there for me when needed. I'll never forget how she and my father were after my MC and I certainly have learnt a lesson not to be as supportive towards them as I had planned to be. They live in a different country and I was planning to fly out regularly to look after them when they get ill/older. Now this is highly unlikely to happen as I've learnt I'm largely left to my own devices and they simply do not deserve the level of care and attention I had to offer. And that's OK. I found that hard to accept, but eventually it makes my life a lot easier long-term. We'll just continue to love each other, but on different terms. My father is a whole different story, I spoke to him as well and in his usual style, he just doesn't get things. I'm not going to go into details as I'd have to describe a 33 year long catalogue of what we'd now call coercive control, emotional abuse and borderline tyranny. He's not a nice person and my mum experienced that too. She'll never leave him, but to a large extent she agrees with me. Thing is, I told him yesterday. I spilled it all out, and I refused to let him continue. My mum was just listening in silence whereas he was looking for excuses, unsuccessfully. No one has ever told him how much of a bully he is until I did now, so you can imagine the sheer terror that dawned on him upon hearing the truth. We will never be good, but I'm so proud of myself that I've addressed it and stood up against it. I can't save everyone affected by his behaviour, but at least I chose to save myself.

That was an essay. But what I'm trying to say is that what happened last year and our discussions since have motivated me not to just cut down on eating Kettle crisps. I'm changing a lot more in my life, step by step, and it's all for the best. Today is the first day of the new decade and I'm going to make this decade as happy as it can be, in every way possible.

Now I'm off to have a delightful Italian coffee with the hubby, no sugar, obvs! 😊 Life is good ❤️

Have a lovely day, ladies. xxx

LASandOtto Wed 01-Jan-20 09:19:40

Hey Girls!

Good morning on the first day of a new year and decade! How is everyone feeling?

I'm shortly off to meet friends for brunch and we are then off to this day party (🧐) which should be fun!

@MrsMGE I'm so pleased you were so honest with both of your parents and that you feel you've found a place now from which you can have a manageable relationship. Relationships with parents are often challenging for various different reasons, through experiences and events they can shape to become (very) strained. I recall you mentioned when we spoke weeks ago how unsupportive they had been during all you've been through and I can imagine how disappointed you will have felt.
I say this from a place where I've had a very difficult relationship with both my parents since early teenage years, also for a myriad of reasons, to the point I needed a counsellor to help me find a spade where I could manage a relationship with my mum. With my dad who's now sadly no longer here as you know, we didn't reconcile for a long time until almost the end really, but nonetheless I'm so glad we did, because holding on to hurt is not the way forward.

I'd like to say you and many of us have been through a transformation that continues. With life events such as what we've encountered, you emerged on the other side of that life experience and you're slightly changed. Your views. Your empathy. Your awareness.

Enjoy the coffee with DH, I hope your party was fun?

Speak soon ladies xxx

BunnytheBlueWhale Wed 01-Jan-20 09:32:33

Happy New Year to you all.

@MrsMGE It sounds positive that you are making things better with your Mum. I think, sadly, it is at the difficult times in life when you realise who is really there for you and I think we have all felt let down.

I, too, have goals outside getting fitter and healthier. I want to be better mentally. I want to not get so wound up over little things. I want to be kinder, more understanding and more tolerant of others. I also have plans to buy less stuff that I don’t need and use what I have... I always have some kind of resolutions for the New Year but lots happened for us in 2019 and it has already changed me. I think that’s what you’re saying too @LASandOtto. Enjoy your party!

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MrsMGE Wed 01-Jan-20 09:38:47

Hey @LASandOtto. Thank you for your lovely words. I'm sorry to hear you've had tough times with your parents too. It sounds like you've found your way to deal with this which is great. I think sometimes we need to accept things are the way they are, but change our approach, which I agree, reshapes relationships. Life gets easier once you're able to do this.

Party was good last night, thanks, my best friend is pg so not too much alcohol for anyone really, but we had a lovely time. I actually love the idea of a day party, I might do the same next year. Have fun, lovely! Xxx

MrsMGE Wed 01-Jan-20 09:50:27

@BunnytheBlueWhale I used to be like that too, still am at times, but what's helped me was framing things into a bigger picture there and then ("is it really THAT important (in general, or in comparison to XYZ)", "is it REALLY worth me stressing over", "I may have misunderstood", "that person may be coming from a good place and I may have misinterpreted", "it will pay off long term if I'm a bigger person" etc.). When I think this way, it takes the edge off and I don't get annoyed, I can just brush it off. Don't know if you've tried that? It's very easy in our job to get wound up about things but of course we have to keep cool, which then creates a risk of being more short fused in our personal lives.

Re buying, I've become a lot more environmentally aware now and had a good hard look at myself and my wardrobe and it's shocking how much stuff I have. I'll be doing a charity giveaway this spring after I lose weight and will try to stick to buying less going forward, quality, ethical clothes. Not in a snobbish way, but you can at least be wiser about choosing high street retailers, and buy less clothes/keep them longer. I'm really big on recycling and reducing waste these days. Xxx

BunnytheBlueWhale Wed 01-Jan-20 11:30:47

@MrsMGE It’s good if you’ve managed to not get so stressed about things people say. We give people too much power. The buddhist monk I listed to says if someone offends you, each time you think about it or let it upset you, you’re letting them offend you again. So so just forget about it. For me, when I say not getting wound up about little things, I don’t mean annoyed with people as such, I mean more worrying about things. Since losing my daughter I do care less about what other people think but I can be quite anxious and worry about things and get wound up that way. I’m working on it. ive never been laid back but I’d love to be more laid back in some ways 😂

I think we are all becoming more environmentally aware which is a great thing. I have really cut down in past years with what I buy. I used to have clothes with the tags on that ended going in the charity bag. I’m not nearly as bad now but I probably have make up and skincare products to keep me going for a year or more so I want to use up that stuff and not buy any more until I need to.

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MrsMGE Wed 01-Jan-20 12:57:44

@BunnytheBlueWhale I see. That's a very wise piece of advice. Anxiety is a hard thing to decrease. We've discussed so many different ways to cope before, but ultimately it needs time. Be patient with yourself like you are with everyone else.

Re cosmetics, I have too much as well. Currently trying to stick to buying my staple products, occasionally a different lipgloss etc. I also bought a load of reusable face wipes about a year ago which I wash in the washing machine. I actually compared how good they were vs using the usual cotton pads with micellar water and they were just as good. Never had any breakouts and saved myself a fortune, plus the pads don't go to landfill. I recommended to all of my friends. Xxx

BunnytheBlueWhale Wed 01-Jan-20 13:14:12

@MrsMGE I am actually putting myself on a ban from today with beauty products so I can’t buy something unless I have run out completely eg no cleansers until I’ve used what I have and no foundation until I have none left. I have boxes of things unopened. I will be buying things for our house as we’ve been doing the house up since we moved about 9 months ago and I feel I need clothes as my body has obviously changed since I had my daughter, not massively in size but I don’t feel I can wear the v fitted dresses I used to wear, and also the dress code at work is now casual but in our field I still don’t want to be too casual... As you say though I’d rather buy quality items that I’ll wear rather than filling the drawers with cheaper stuff I won’t even use!

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Shefliesonherownwings Wed 01-Jan-20 18:20:50

We actually stayed up last night until about 2pm just watching TV, we didn't even acknowledge midnight but I was very aware that as much as I had been wishing for 2019 to be over, moving into 2020 felt like Isla was moving further away from us which made me sad. It's no longer the year we found out I was pregnant, no longer the year I carried her, felt her move and prepared for her arrival and no longer the year we lost her. It's another milestone passing without her here.

Today I feel a little brighter. Getting healthy in body and mind is giving me focus. I have been to the gym today and even though it was hard to be there and physically my fitness is dire, I felt good for doing it. I also want to stop spending money on things I don't need and focus more on quality ethical buying. Like you guys, I am overloaded with toiletries and have plenty of clothes I barely wear.

@MrsMGE your post really resonated with me. I am currently not speaking to my dad after he really upset me the night before and day of Isla's funeral. When I later told him how I felt, he turned it round and said I am always blaming him for everything, no apology or anything. I'm not surprised by this, I've had over 30 years of him being a controlling narcissistic bully. I'm just disappointed he couldn't be supportive at this time. If we do speak again and resume a relationship, although i'm not sure I want to right now, it will be a very different one to before. I'm not the same person I was two months ago and I need to be selfish and do what is best for me now, not what other people want me to do. I want to learn how to not be such a people pleaser and not be so concerned about what other people will think of me because I just end up hurting myself. DH and I start our bereavement counselling next week so i'm hoping that will be one of the things I can work through with the cousnellor.

MrsMGE Wed 01-Jan-20 18:33:01

@Shefliesonherownwings Oh, wow. I could have written that myself, I agree with every word you wrote. My father did the same thing to me after the MMC and it sounds like we've been through something very similar. I too went to counselling in December and it has helped me realise a multitude of issues when it comes to him. I don't want to say we'll never have a relationship but if we do, it will be very limited, a couple of nice hours if DH and I are in the country where he lives, and that's it. Honest truth is that it was not speaking to my mum that was weighing me down, whereas he's a toxic person and I've concluded I'm better off either without him or just having limited contact. And that's fine, whatever works and makes you happier is OK.

I echo your sentiment re the New Year. I try to think that hopefully the babies we lost are not the only ones we'll ever going to have and there are happier years ahead of us than the year just gone. Moving into the New Year is bringing us closer to this happiness. ❤️

Well done for doing the gym today! I've been pretty good today, starting my exercise routine tomorrow at 6am 😊 xxx

MrsMGE Thu 02-Jan-20 07:17:41

Ladies, started the day well, 6am, DH, Joe Wicks (on YouTube) and I, HIIT done! Then I realised we've run out of milk 🤦🏼‍♀️ so had a water-based protein shake for breakfast instead of porridge. No bread! Boom. I feel pumped for the day, wish me luck as I might be starving by 10 am 😂 My work wife and I are going for a walk this lunch break too. Have a lovely day all 😊 xxx

MissSparkles81 Thu 02-Jan-20 11:33:54

Hey everyone ... popping in and joining in on the healthy challenge.

Im 38 and looking to get back on track with my eating after having a mc in November. I had weight loss surgery in 2017 which was very successful and I lost 8 stone. Ideally I would love to lose another stone.

Everyone thinks that weight loss surgery is the easy way out but let me tell you its far from it. It only physically stops you from overeating not what kind of foods you eat.

So my goals are to cut out the carbs again and up my protein and get back into exercise.

I am hoping that it helps with my mental health whilst ttc 💝

MissSparkles81 Thu 02-Jan-20 11:35:53

Talking about my mental health I am also taking part in 366 days of gratitude where I find something to be grateful for each day.

tortiecat Thu 02-Jan-20 12:24:31

Afternoon ladies - happy new year to you all.

Well done @MrsMGE on your 6am workout + protein shake! Hello @MissSparkles81. 8 stone weight loss is incredible - you must be incredibly disciplined! I had a Danish pastry for breakfast, but you have both inspired me to have a salad and go for a walk at lunchtime (no work wife sadly) and do some yoga this evening.

tortiecat Thu 02-Jan-20 12:31:49

Also I think a focus on gratitude is a great idea and will do the same. Prior to losing my son, I was a really cheerful and loving soul...I feel that is far from the case now. It have found it a real struggle most days to see the good in people and situations and my sense of humour seems to have abandoned me! My bereavement counsellor has suggested that keeping a gratitude journal might help with the downward spiral somewhat, so I am very keen to give it a go.

BunnytheBlueWhale Thu 02-Jan-20 13:22:18

@MissSparkles81 the gratitude thing sounds really good. I started to do something like that last year and didn’t keep up with it but you have inspired me to try it again!

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MrsMGE Thu 02-Jan-20 14:03:52

@Tortiecat Thanks 😊

I'm just back from my lunchtime walk, we did very well, 7k steps today already 💪 I'm actually planning to blitz the house when I'm back, I'm full of energy. And not hungry!!

I feel exactly the same as you, I used to be a lot more upbeat and happier and I think I've had enough of all the sadness and I'm trying to recover my happy attitude. Obviously we've been through something very tough so it's never going to be the same and we will have sad days, weeks or maybe even months, who knows. Maybe we won't have them anymore. But I now feel I'm on the way up overall, and the worse times don't mean I'm taking a step back, I'm still climbing up. My DH has a wicked sense of humour and I now find that I can laugh again, genuinely. We laugh every day and I feel so much better for it. We're better together as a result xxx

LASandOtto Thu 02-Jan-20 14:48:51

@tortiecat @MissSparkles81 I really like the idea of the gratitude practise too. I dabbled with meditation and Buddhism last year (feels good to talk about 2019 as last year now) and gratitude it a big topic.

@MrsMGE you go sister!!!! That's a good effort for one day!

At my day party yesterday I ended up dancing my way to 17k steps - fuelled by 2 vodka soda limes, 4 bottles of water, and a couple of ginger beers. Felt really great this morning, as opposed to my friends who were mostly hanging 😆 I dare say, I even felt smug!

Been for a walk and had a nice soup for lunch!

Just ordered a ton of food from Ocado - going to try mostly vegetarian and vegan recipes from Jamie Oliver, Riverford, and Fertility Kitchen. Will keep you all posted!

Tomorrow I think I'll do a run before work and then crack on with the day!

How are all the other doing??


BunnytheBlueWhale Thu 02-Jan-20 15:13:38

I haven’t done any exercise today although I should go to the gym or at least for a walk... I have a bit of a cold and my mouth is sore from my root canal on Tuesday so I don’t feel up to much...

On the plus I had a healthy homemade soup for lunch (leek and potato) with a small amount of bread and I have been fairly active as I’ve been shopping and then cleaning since I got home 😬

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