My ex boyfriend killed himself

[sofato5miles]

I hadn't seen him for almost 20 years and it ended badly. He called last year and said he needed to escape and that he was an alcoholic. I said no, even though my DH said if he needed to, he could come and stay, but I wanted to protect my children as he sounded like he was in a huge mess. I said no.

That will haunt me.

I just remember seeing him for the first time. We were waiting in a queue for a nightclub. We were so young. He left me two years later for his 1st girlfriend back home and married her.

He did SO well in his career. He was so clever and so fucking funny.

I didn't help him.

[Ivegotfamilyandidrinkcupsoftea]

Oh op

Please dont be too hard on yourself

He must have had a lot going on to be in this frame of mind

20 years is a long time and you were right to put your dc first. What if he had come to stay and done something around your dc. As a parent your dc are priority

[NotTakenUsername]

Op, you couldn’t have saved him. He needed professional help, not an ex girlfriend from 20 years prior with a husband and children.

You didn’t save him, but you did save your children from going through this trauma unnecessarily.

You couldn’t have saved him. You didn’t know him anymore. It is a sad story but you are in no way culpable.

[sofato5miles]

Thsnk you. Sincerely.

I know but I didn't even call him subsequently, though I did speak to old uni friends about them getting in touch. I knew he stalked my linked in profile in secret but as he is the only hedge fund guy I know, it was obviously him.

Just so very sad. Such a bloody talent. He was from a very simple and lovely family but changed his future so radically. Maybe what was driving him killed him.

This is the third male suicide in my friends and family group, although the others were both much younger. It is fucking horrifying.

[DoctorTwo]

Hello our kid. None of this was your fault. Or is. You think it is, but I think it's how we're socialised. Look after yourself and your family. Note. Hugs are Mumsnetty.

[NotTakenUsername]

sofato5miles This is very painful but be assured that it is also very normal to have all these thoughts and feelings.

But this was out of your control. It was a sad and tragic occurrence. However, an untrained ex girlfriend from 20 years ago with a responsibility to prioritise her husband and children was not going to prevent this tragic end.

Guilt is often part of grief, but I hope in time you will be able to resolve that aspect. Have you considered attending the funeral?

[higherupper]

So sorry op
Please don't feel guilty. You did what was right at the time for your dc. You obviously couldn't predict this would happen, no one can. It's very tragic but not your fault!