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6 year old DD's challenging behaviour. How would you have dealt with this particular incident?

(11 Posts)
sandyballs Wed 15-Aug-07 14:03:36

I have twin DD's (aged 6), one of whom has always been a little "difficult" for want of a better word. She seems much worse without routine so these school holidays are proving a bit of a nightmare. I am really not sure if I am dealing with her properly.

Last weekend we were having a lovely walk through the countryside with a friend of mine. 10 minutes into the walk DD decided it wasn't much fun, even though she was keen at the beginning:

DD - I'm bored, I hate walking, I want to go home.

Me - well you can't, you agreed to come and you'll have to continue. Look at the lovely flowers and trees .

DD - I hate flowers, I hate trees and I hate you. I'm not walking any further.

Me - please don't be silly, there are 4 of us here and you can't spoilt it for everyone. Let's keep going and maybe we can have an ice cream at the end.

DD - starts crying and sits on the ground. Mummy when I'm an adult I'm going to buy a motorbike and run you over and kill you.
I hate you.
She then pushes her sister into some nettles.

I'm torn between wanting to grab her and wring her neck, disturbed by what she has said about the motorbike, embarrassed it is all in front of my friend. I decide to ignore her and we carry on with our walk with her moaning and groaning a few yards behind, spoiling the whole thing.

I made her apologise to her sister but nothing else was done, what would you have done?

ProfessorGrammaticus Wed 15-Aug-07 14:21:52

They're a nightmare aren't they? From (bitter ) experience -

DD - I'm bored, I hate walking, I want to go home

ME - <ignore>

DD (few mins later) - I'm bored etc

ME - Well, you walk to that tree (good distance away) and then I'll give you a piggy back to (whatever, short distance from aforesaid tree)

OR - Not much further now (lie) and when we get to (whatever) we're going to have a drink/snack/whatever I brought

OR - yes walking can be a bit boring on its own, can't it, so I've made you a challenge! <Produce pre-prepared list of things to find eg paw print, feather, crisp packet>

Any good?

ProfessorGrammaticus Wed 15-Aug-07 14:23:25

oh, with pencil to tick things off list and one for other child. Sad, aren't I? But I like walking and I want them to keep going!

Miaou Wed 15-Aug-07 14:24:11

sorry forbrevity and typos, am breastfeeding

i remember you have had a few probs with her previously sandyballs - i would say you probably did the right thing in the circs. you need to pick your battles with her otherwise you will be constantly at loggerheads! re the motorbike thing - it's attention seeking and designedv to shock - think you are right to ignore

WigWamBam Wed 15-Aug-07 14:27:23

I ignore, ignore, and then ignore some more.

My reaction to "I'm going to buy a motorbike and run you over" would have been "That's nice, dear; don't forget to wear a helmet when you do".

My reaction to "I hate you" is "Do you? How odd, because I love you" - and then change the subject or walk away.

Distraction and bribery work wonders when the whinging starts - and it's better to distract than give her the satisfaction of knowing that she has the power to spoil things for everyone.

I would definitely have made her apologise to her sister though!

HonoriaGlossop Wed 15-Aug-07 14:36:40

I think you dealt with it just fine. I do like ProfessorG's approach though, just having that bit extra for them to think about might help.

Also, have to say, at that age and well, for ages as a child, my worst nightmare was going for a country walk. I did find it boring. After a very few minutes I couldn't see the point of it

However I love it now. I just think some kids will be bored on a walk.

sandyballs Wed 15-Aug-07 15:27:43

Thanks for your replies. Funnily enough my friend made similar suggestions to yours WWB. I find it so hard to ignore and stay pleasant and even tempered when she is so obnoxious.

ProfessorGrammaticus Wed 15-Aug-07 15:28:08

I'm not disturbed by the motorbike comment, tbh. It's just attention seeking. OI've heard it all before! I would ignore or possibly make a "that's not a nice thing to say" type of brief comment.

Desiderata Wed 15-Aug-07 15:42:01

Have you ever tried stopping dead, getting down to her level and saying in a crisp, cold-as-hell voice, 'I will not be spoken to like that.'

Ignoring is fine, up to a point, but it doesn't always work with my ds. Sometimes the more direct (you have seriously pee'd me off) approach can bare more fruit, especially if delivered within company.

A little shame is not a bad thing, imo.

ProfessorGrammaticus Fri 17-Aug-07 12:39:49

Yes I've done that, and I agree that it works! But this motorbuke thing struck me as silly and to be ignored rather than offensive and to be picked up on. Judgemant call I guess

ProfessorGrammaticus Fri 17-Aug-07 12:40:01

judgement

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