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Worried - 3 year old touching herself

(7 Posts)
Sistersbabydaddydrama Fri 26-May-17 18:47:08


Not really sure where to post this. My first daughter and I really don't know if it's normal, I've been googling and got conflicting results including alarming things such as signs of abuse etc.

For about 4 months my daughter has been obsessed with touching herself 'down there' and even moves her bum up and down while she does this. She is obsessed with it, her dad gets angry at it and tells her it's not nice so I thought that was making her do it more so I resorted to saying 'that is something you do in your own room, it's not nice to do in front of people'

She actually says 'I'm touching my nuni, let me touch my nuni!' And gets really upset if we stop her.

I just want to know if this is normal? And what I can do?

I know it's a taboo subject, and I am 100% not a troll, I'm just a concerned parent as FIL watches her 1 day a week, and whilst I had never in a million years questioned anything close to that before (and feel sick suggesting it) some of the things I've read that point to abuse have me really concerned sad

Booboostwo Fri 26-May-17 19:43:43

I don't think it's a taboo subject, she's masturbating. Pretty much all young children masturbate because it feels good. I don't think this on its own suggests in any way abuse, is there anything else that is concerning you?

I would certainly not shout at her about it or get angry. It's a good opportunity to talk to her about keeping private parts private and talk to her about masturbating when she is on her own in her room.

DS is 2.5yo and runs around naked a lot, he constantly has erections and is not at all convinced by the privacy suggestions!

Sistersbabydaddydrama Fri 26-May-17 19:50:23

Thank you for your reply, I'm glad it's normal! It's just how obsessed she is by it, I get home from work and she lays down next to us and if we don't physically stop her she will just do it constantly for 10 mins and not talk to us.

Booboostwo Fri 26-May-17 20:13:04

I think it's quite normal for them to masturbate even to the point where they become sore. It just feels nice.

OhCarrieMathison Fri 26-May-17 22:27:00

My DD who is almost 3 does this to get to sleep and has done for a while.
I'm not normally there but if I am she kind of goes off into a trance and then falls asleep.
I just leave her to it and would never tell her off as made sure my DH knew to just carry on with what he was doing if he saw her doing it.
It's just a part of her, she's just exploring and has discovered something that feels nice.
By insinuation it's bad for her to touch a part of herself may mean she grows up feeling that she is in some way Bad or will feel ashamed of what she is doing.
Definitely normal.

corythatwas Sat 27-May-17 08:51:52

If she is using it very obsessively to self-soothe you might want to think about whether she is feeling stressed or anxious at the moment. Not that you can always do anything about that, but it's worth knowing.

justkeepswimmingg Sat 27-May-17 10:12:34

Hi OP. I studied child development at uni, and this subject has cropped up before. It is sometime yourself and you partner should not make her feel ashamed of. So with your partner shouting at her, and telling her not to do it is not a healthy attitude. It is completely natural, and some children will start as young as one. It's usually to self soothe, and it's sometimes a child usually out grows, or will begin to decrease how often it's done over time. It would be a good idea to talk to her about it being private, and if she wants to touch her 'nuni', then she needs to go to her bedroom. And also ensure good hygiene, by washing her hands after. It is to be made as normal as possible, and not like you are punishing her by wanting to touch herself. The more normal the subject of touching herself, the more normal it will be as she becomes a woman and wants to explore. Otherwise it can become a taboo subject, and leads to insecurities with her body and sexuality. Also I wouldn't use the words 'not nice'. Hope that all makes sense OP.

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