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Bedwetting anxiety with DD1 (5) and blaming myself

(9 Posts)
LookingforRainbows Tue 26-May-15 19:49:56

Just had a difficult bedtime with my DD1 and now I'm feeling like I have ready messed up.
Basically DD1 (5) still wears pull-ups at night. Not at all a problem for us, we have tried night training her but she has just not been ready, and her pull ups are still wet every morning. We were advised by HV to not worry until she is 6 or 7, so we are not at all bothered, and have tried not to make a big thing of it....

However, a couple of weeks ago, we noticed that DD2's (3) nappies were constantly dry in the morning, and a few times, she was waking up fussing to go for a wee. So, recognising that she was clearly ready, we took the plunge and started putting DD2 to bed pull-up free at the weekend. Three nights in, no accidents.
Obviously we praised DD2 for being a big girl and in turn she wanted to tell everybody that she didn't wear nappies anymore, both sets of grandparents, even the staff and her friends at nursery today!

But now, in the midst of it all, is DD1, feeling down about herself. Wanting to be like her younger sister, she asked to not wear great pull up Sunday night, but she wet the bed heavily, cue her three year old sister rubbing her victory in her face, and showing off her dry bed. Yesterday she said she wanted to sleep with no pull up again, but I could see she was getting anxious about it (she does have anxiety issues) so I reassured her that it's ok if she wants to go back to wearing pull ups, and she got out of bed after 10 minutes for a wee and asked for a pull up. This evening, DD2 was still enjoying her pull-up free bedtime, (and reminding the whole house about it) that DD1 again requested for no pull up. All seemed fine....

Until 15 minutes after lights out, DD1 comes downstairs in tears, very unsettled, saying that she is scared of going to sleep and wetting her bed. Again we assured her that she could have a pull up, but she kept saying that she wanted to be a big girl because DD2 was a big girl, and that DD2 had said she was a baby. I haven't seen her this upset in a while, she is now curled up with DH on the sofa because it was the only way to settle her.

I am really concerned that while we have spent the last couple of years trying not to make a big thing about it, by praising and rewarding DD2, we have just rubbed it in DD1s face a little, and now damaged her self esteem, but at the same time, I think it is important for us to celebrate DD2s achievement, to build her self esteem....so I feel like we were in a lose lose situation.

Now I am sat hear feeling like I have let DD1 down.

Has anyone had any experiences of younger DC being dry before older DC? Just wanted some advice as to where I can go from here to help DD1.

Thanks

LookingforRainbows Tue 26-May-15 20:00:04

*wear her pull-up, not 'great pull up' stupid typos

LookingforRainbows Tue 26-May-15 20:21:00

Bump anyone?

LookingforRainbows Tue 26-May-15 20:38:33

.........: ?

Fresh01 Tue 26-May-15 20:52:57

Been there several times! DD2 is 7.5 and wet 5 nights a week. DC3 has been out of nappies at night since he was 3 and DC4 is 3 and has been dry for the last 2 weeks at night but we aren't really mentioning it yet.....
I would not base it all around being a "big girl" but turn it into different people do different things at different times. Say bike riding, cartwheels etc etc there is no age. What can she do that some friends her age can't. What can she do her sibling can't? And there is no age to being dry at night.
Remind her at her age there are several in her class still in pull-ups too but no one really talks about it so that is why she doesn't know about them.
We said most people have some sort of challenge growing up. dC3 had to get speech therapy, she has bed wetting.
Show her in the supermarket that there are pull-ups up to age 15, so lots of other people wear them too.
Have a slim at the Eric's website but you are right GP's etc don't see it as an issue until they are 7.

LookingforRainbows Tue 26-May-15 22:24:55

Thanks fresh, to be honest I hadn't even thought of showing her that pull ups go up to 15! I am trying to encourage her in as much things as I can, trouble is, DD2 is pretty advanced in many areas and is quite the 'anything you can do I can do better' kind of little sister. However, DD1 is making good progress with her reading recently so perhaps I could praise her in that. It's difficult as she lacks confidence at school, and in social situations, and now I just feel that we have given her another thing to feel insecure about! Glad to hear for someone with experience

LookingforRainbows Tue 26-May-15 22:25:38

What is Erics website?

Fresh01 Tue 26-May-15 22:33:27

Www.erics.org.uk a charity website set up for children and parents who have continence issues and bed wetting. Huge amount of info on it. Your DD is still very young in terms of it being an issue.
They all have different personalities and traits, I have 3 girls. Even pick on things you know she can do better like throw a ball, use a pencil, colour in within the lines, use a knife and fork, dress herself - anything you can show she is able to do better.
I can see it goes in phases with my DD when it is affecting her more than at other times.

LookingforRainbows Tue 26-May-15 22:49:09

Ok thank you fresh I will take a look, you are right, she is only 5 and we really don't mind her being in pull ups for another couple of years if it's needed, it's just unexpectedly become an issue because DD2 has become dry. Thank you for the encouragement tips, I will be looking very carefully tomorrow on ways to praise. They are, like your girls totally different on every way, but yet they are so competitive with each other!

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