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6 year old boy - is this normal and how to help?

(10 Posts)
gettingabitworriednow Mon 05-Jan-15 20:04:38

Hi,
My 6 year old ds had a friend over to play today. To cut a long story short, they argued just before he went home (yes, he was tired) so as soon as the friend had gone, ds drew a picture of him shooting his friend as he was so angry.
In addition to this, he often talks about what an awful life he is having, and says he is making a plan to kill me sometimes when he has been told off. I have told him that it's ok to be frustrated at rules, it happens to all if us, but not to wish people dead.
He also punched a chair to the point that he really hurt his fingers sad
He's my first child so I have absolutely no idea whether I should be worried. I am thinking about chatting with the Doctor or is that mad?
I feel really sorry for him that he is feeling this way and terribly sad that he might be depressed for some reason but a part of me wonders whether it is a little bit manipulative as he knows it provokes a reaction.
On top of that, his attitude at school is less than great. He finds things hard and doesn't really trysad
Sorry, this has turned into a ramble. I think he could have a self esteem issue maybe, I don't know.
I just want to know how to best help him and I worry about what he younger brother is learning from this.

holeinmyheart Mon 05-Jan-15 22:13:03

Gosh he does sound unhappy. Has this situation come about since his younger brother was born? They say introducing another child to your first born, is like a husband bringing a mistress home, and saying' love her, as I do!

The only thing you can do is make sure that you give him lots of reassurance that you love him, and timetable some time at home when he has you to himself. I think he is a bit young to be consciously manipulative.

As for school, perhaps you aught to check that he is not suffering from Dyslexia or number blindness etc. Have a look at IXL .com Maths. It is such a fun programme and shows you all he could be possibly learning in a year. I put some friend's 3 and 6 year olds on it who were visiting and they refused to get off it when it was time to go.
Try not to worry too much as he will pick up on your anxiety. Also if you are an anxious person, I am afraid he may well have inherited that characteristic.
You sound a really good Mum and you can only do your best. X

DeWee Tue 06-Jan-15 09:41:36

Ds is 7yo.
Yesterday he had an inset day. We went skating. After about an hour he had a nasty tumble and came off. After comforting him I said he needed to go back on for a bit, because if he didn't go back on before we went then he would find it really hard to go back on the ice the next time. He got upset at that, although he didn't want to go home, and we had a few more tears. After a bit he went back on very sulkily, fell over again, and I could see him preparing to come off again with more tears... when he saw something he was interested in and got up and skated off, and was fine for the rest of the session, even when he had a couple more tumbles.

We then had lunch out, and on the way back he proclaimed "This is the best day of my life ever!"
An hour after coming home, we had to go and meet his sister from school. He was busy, and didn't want to come.
As he got in the car he shouted "This is the worst day of my life!"

Now this isn't totally atypical of him, although perhaps more emotional than usual, because he was worried about going back to school.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 06-Jan-15 12:35:13

Actually you probably did well to acknowledge his mood. I used to try and let mine know it's all right to feel out of sorts and name these feelings eg "I know it can be frustrating when X doesn't share when you do'' or ''It's okay to be a bit jealous of your pal, I'm sure sometimes (s)he's jealous of you too''.

I remember one friend describing her son's bloodthirsty description of violence he'd wreak on a playmate who'd committed some transgression. She kept a straight face but suggested he might want to scale the vengeance down a tad as the same boy and his mother would be unable to give them a lift to swimming the next afternoon. Frowning her DS allowed that in that case yes Mrs Jones might not feel inclined to drive them if little Barty (name changed) was reduced to his head and just a limbless torso.

Annoyance or anger is often coming from apprehension or fear.

It might help your DS if you can make an appointment at school ? Approach his teacher at the start of term and try and get to the bottom of what is holding him back.

Six year olds can get so intense. I wonder at what age we lean towards being 'glass half full or half empty' people. At his age knowing that you are in his corner so to speak will mean the world to DS.

gettingabitworriednow Thu 08-Jan-15 21:12:00

Thank you for your replies and sorry I couldn't reply before now.

We have decided to do the following (largely down to your advice so thanks for it):
Give him some more 1:1 without his brother
Communicate with the school and suggest they implement some things we are successful with at home - eg shorter tasks with more regular feedback (hopefully praise) and more 1:1 help where poss
We are trying to 'catch him being good' more often
We are trying to open up conversations about feelings and how to deal with them.

Not easy this parenting lark is it?! Any further advice welcome. In the meantime, thanks again to those of you who took the time to reply and share your experiences.

WipsGlitter Thu 08-Jan-15 21:17:42

We do the overpraise when being good thing and itseems to work.

chillybits Thu 08-Jan-15 21:23:28

Good ideas op. He does sound intense. He may well not understand what 'killing' and 'dead' really mean. My 6 year old has only just stopped talking like that, certainly affect was part of it.

One thing I've found really helped with my DC is to climb into bed with them at night with the lights off every few days and just talk for about 30 minutes, absolute rubbish most of the time (which is the point), lots of nonsense and jokes about farting (I grin and bear it!). Its amazing though when all the distractions are away and what they will want to talk about when they aren't under pressure to talk. I have one who is very anxious and one who can be very hyper-emotional, so I am the worst person v the best person and, as mentioned, also used to talk very aggressively about what he would do to people. It really helps to keep communication going and I'm sometimes really surprised about what's bothering them.

Is there a kindly, experienced teacher you can ask to speak to, or is the head approachable?

RonaldMcFartNuggets Thu 08-Jan-15 21:30:58

That made me all warm and fuzzy chillybits I wish my parents had done that. I suffered terrible anxiety attacks at night alone, no one knew.

I will definitely do this when my ds is older smile

chillybits Thu 08-Jan-15 21:44:41

Well yes Ronald but for my eldest child (who suffers from anxiety) I must admit it took us far too long to respond to him as he needed. Gradually the penny dropped.

PuffinPie Sat 10-Jan-15 21:05:33

I agree with scheduling one to one time. My eldest DS used to say things such as that he was going to kill me and would hit out if he didn't get his own way. We're creatures of habit and from those early weeks we like to know what is coming next. He seems to be better now we have "cuddle time" before sleep, again talking about anything and nothing! and also praise for the good things he does.
Dare I say his mood has improved and is more "agreeable".

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